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Showing posts with label social advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label social advice. Show all posts

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Hosting A Salon

Does that sound as pretentious as I think it does?

I've been a part of some groups in the past that are all now defunct. Book clubs, Bible studies, service organizations. I always find good friends that way and it's one way I acclimate to a new city whenever I move.

I'm not planning on moving anytime soon, but some of my friends are or have already. Or their having babies. Or their diving into other groups I can't/won't join (hello marathon preppers!). I find myself craving the intellectual and emotional connection with peers that comes from regular, structured interaction.

So I've toyed with the idea of hosting a regular salon.

Salon: a gathering of people under the roof of an inspiring host, held partly to amuse one another and partly to refine the taste and increase the knowledge of the participants through conversation.

I'd make dinner for people once a month or once a quarter (seasonal dinners sound fun to me). I'd have vegan options and wheat-free options and low-sugar options for all diets. Think big pot of vegetable soup with toppings to personalize. Think soup kitchen for the vocal, educated, opinionated non-homeless.*

We'd either email the topic ahead of time or have a few news articles out on the table or a youtube video cued up to start the conversation. We'd have ground rules to make sure no one got too heated:


Or we could make sure that all insults are dished out Martin Luther style.

And over paninis and crudite, we'd discuss music and current events and historical trends!

Or we'd end up inciting a riot, alienating our friends and having to freeze-n-heat 20 lbs of vegetable soup. 

Thoughts?


*Dear Lord this is pretentious!

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Come on in and Laugh with Me

I saw an SUV dragging a case of beer that was caught under it's suspension on the highway to work today.


I was checking out this really cool woodland house on Apartment Therapy and loved the way one of the two men described their style:
Our style is a mix of laid back Hamptons and California ease. Think the gay male version of Ina Garten, “and who doesn’t love that?”


Michele-ah Bella Boo-Boo Bachmann isn't seeking reelection. If anything her outspoken sound bites have reinforced that I need to put the keyboard down sometimes.
In August 2006, the Minneapolis Star Tribune reported that in March 2006, Bachmann was on a Minneapolis radio show advocating for a state constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. A caller asked her to explain how he, a heterosexual, would be harmed if his gay neighbors were allowed to marry. Bachmann replied saying, "Public schools would have to teach that homosexuality and same-sex marriage are normal, natural and that maybe children should try them." The Star Tribune also reported that Bachmann has publicly referred to homosexuality as "sexual dysfunction," "sexual identity disorders," and "personal enslavement" that leads to "sexual anarchy." (via)


On a similar note, Bob Dole launches up out of his wheel chair for five points on today's Republican party. One of them is just. one. word:
3) Nixon?


She's 41, she's single, and she doesn't care that you don't have teeth.



Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Tipsy Tuesday: Put Down the Keyboard, Vigilante

I can get bogged down in fruitless work in my professional and personal life.

Like, are people going to even notice if I put those files into a color-coded binder? Or can I just stuff them in manilla and walk away?  I have to ask myself periodically if going the extra mile is worth it.

I can also get bogged down in self-righteousness in the blog community.

Like, some nice bloggers I know seems to contradict themselves in their blog by preaching about God's love one minute and featuring ethically questionable products from Forever 21/H&M/The Gap/Zara/Wal-Mart/Target the next. Does it do anything to write a scathing comment on their post? Would calling them out help anything? Most likely, no. It will just make them mad or expose my self-righteousness.

I can also feel guilty for not recycling in a country where recycling is easy.

Like, when you're at a beach-side barbecue and the host doesn't offer a recycling option, but has bags of Styrofoam plates for disposal. Do you make an ass of yourself by eating a hot dog with no safety net for dripping condiments and hoard soda cans in your purse for the hour's ride back home to recycle them? No.

I, J.Mill, release myself from these self imposed obligations. While I won't lower my work ethic or compassion, I'll also not alienate people over a La Croix can. I'll try to live humbly in this glass house and hope that someone doesn't catch me taking 20 minute showers.

---

Beverage pairing: Lime and cucumber infused water. We need to detox after back-to-back parties this weekend.

Friday, May 3, 2013

In The Darkness, Anything Could Happen

This post is about a social/political issue. If you want to skip it, just listen to the song and move on.


Three people in my life have shared with me that they've had at least one abortion in their life. 

[Pause]

And those are just the ones who have shared that information. 

A high school friend shared this blog post on Facebook. I encourage you to read it. The rest of this post will seem like painful wax poetic if you don't (although, it still might... but I'm taking back my blog!).

I, too, have gone through an evolution on this subject of abortion. Through second-hand experience and gut feeling. I've shamefully, ignorantly,  had visceral hate towards both sides of the argument in my life. 

But I can say that from the people I've known ... that this isn't a straight line issue. My friends were all different (in location, age, socioeconomic status, spirituality, etc.), but they all had emotional trauma leading up to an abortion. They've all not been loved well. They aren't accepted and they don't accept themselves. There's always discouragement. 

My friend's histories are complex and the reasons may vary, but there is one consistent thing missing: love. Or if you're not into that, at least compassion.

As long as this issue is too taboo for the reasonable and too easy a joust for the extreme, nothing will be brought to light to address the wellness of its victims. 

And in the darkness, anything could happen. 

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Advice on Dealing with Workplace Rumors

As a women who prefers to work with men - and introverted nerdy ones at that! - I'll be the first to say that working with women has a whole different set of challenges compared to working with men.

The one job in my career that I outright hated was one where my boss and coworkers were mostly women. Not that working with women is always going to be bad for me (I work with some great women now), but feminine work relationships can come with unique predispositions*:


  1. What women say, in words, can be different - even the opposite - of what women mean, in tone
  2. Women may invite too close of a personal relationship at work which makes them vulnerable**
  3. Women gossip
  4. Women take things personally and react emotionally
  5. Competition looks different for women (Hey, Jealousy!) and may cause some surprising fallout
  6. B#tches be crazy

A male aquaintence of mine works with a good mix of men and women. He explained to me how he's going through some drama at work and doesn't know how to get things back to normal after some, in hindsight, awful gossip (point 3).

Seeking my advice, he told me the story about how a few rumors about a fellow coworker - let's call her Bathsheba*** (points 1, 3) told to him by a couple of people - Miriam and Aaron - (point 2) and some eye-witness evidence of said rumor led him to believe the rumor was true(1). He went on to say that the rumor came up in conversation with another women - Hagar (1,2,3,4,5,6) and he repeated it. My friend was the last free-link in the chain as Hagar took the rumor to Bathsheba herself. He explained how
Bathsheba is now speaking to Miriam and Aaron (5), but not him (4).

My friend apologized in email, but couldn't apologize in person to Bathshebe as she was still mad (1, 4, 6). I suggested that he ask her to go to lunch again and let her get all of her anger out (6) - without trying to justify or point the blame on anyone else (5). I hope it works.

As a girl who's lived through the ongoing Middle School that is real life, I feel sorry for men that have to deal with this type of bull crap. But, of course, we can all be the captains of our own ship. Avoiding such social icebergs is always the best option, so here's my advice for prevention.

  1. If anyone comes to you with information that is either not their own to share and is not good information, tell them to either can it or see HR. 
  2. Unless your participation is legally mandatory (hello, subpoena!), plead the fifth when juicy gossip comes up.
  3. You should only address a colleagues's personal problem at work if it meets these criteria:
  • It is affecting their performance or someone else's and/or is illegal AND
  • You are prepared to march right over to HR after you speak to them directly - something that is big enough for you to intervene, is big enough to involve HR OR
  • They reach out to you

Otherwise in the words of Salt N' Pepa,  it's none of your business.


*These are generalizations and will not apply to all women. Some may apply to men.
** Vulnerability isn't bad, but letting your guard down and then making enemies is
*** We're watching the History channel's The Bible and I didn't want to use a name of anyone I'd ever met.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Flip-It Friday: Reunions Make Us Feel Like We're in HS Again, But This Time The Nerds Are Winning

My husband's high school reunion is coming up. He is on the fence about going and would really only attend to support the class representatives throwing the party.

Sidebar: With social media, who goes/holds reunions anymore? Its so easy to find the people you want to see and ignore the ones you don't! On second thought, this isn't a sidebar, this is my main thought. Keep reading, though. 

I see reunions as a few things:

- Reason to see old friends
- Excuse to rub it in everyone's face that you have a cool job/hot wife/successful kids/that your nose job turned out well.
- Excuse to reconnect with old flames/friends to make them jealous (sorta like the above comment)
- Excuse to network (sales people, social types, those looking for work, etc.)
- A night out for townies who never left home

So with all of those reasons in mind I think that reunions, on the whole, are pretty pathetic and an invitation for competition. Like a wedding, only the main couple hasn't been predetermined so everyone is vying for homecoming king/queen all over again.

The Mr. didn't have a ton of close friends in high school. He's remained close with the friends he did have and they see each other frequently.

The choice to attend it ultimately up to him.

Even if I go kicking.and.screaming.then.putting.on.a.nice.face.for.the.videographer.

My question to you is:
Would/did/will you attend your high school reunion? 
Do you see the point in reunions? 
Would you have fun at a reunion?

Disclaimer: This has no bearing on whether or not we go and is not intended to offend said Mr. or anyone else who has fun at mass-gatherings. If any of you have followed me for long or know me in person, you know that I am like conversational cyclops (awkward, conspicuous, "abrupt of emotion") in big groups and have to turn the whole thing into a game (count how many times he says "uh" or try to picture his head on his wife's body ... hahaha, he's wearing lady shoes!) in order to keep offenses at a minimal.

Source: google.com via Lonny on Pinterest

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Tipsy Tuesday: Let Someone Help You

I am miss I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T if you can believe it.

Growing up I threw a fit if I couldn't dress myself. One time I waltzed out of my bedroom, dressed for church, wearing all red (sock, headband, the whole shebang). I was promptly laughed back into my room by my parents.


(Not me, but I would have done this.)

I should have accepted help.

The holiday season requires even more from us that usual. Travel to orchestrate, family to mediate,  crowded stores to navigate...

So the next time you are:

...texting and driving (don't!), hand the phone to your passenger.
...asked if you need anything from the store, just say "some tic tacs" even if you don't need them.
...offered a ride to the airport, accept it and give them your itinerary and a latte!

I get a real joy out of helping others - especially when its no skin off my back! Some of us wrap gifts better, are better with directions, are more social and willing to talk to Great Aunt Ruth about the depression for the 6th time - let us all specialize for the good of the group!

So if someone offers, let them. Then pay it forward and use your abilities to do something nice for someone else!


Thursday, August 23, 2012

Heaven Help Me

I got into a political disagreement on Facebook yesterday. Blah blah opinion. Blah blah rhetoric. Blah blah propaganda. 

I got so heated by a few comments that I wanted to defriend all of the people involved, block them from my feed or call them out and then delete my whole Facebook account.

The cherry on top? It was nearing my bedtime and I could not calm down.

I put something funny on TV, but that didn't distract me. My heart would start racing again during commercials, when I had a chance to think about the opposing opinions.

So I turned everything off, vowed not to look at my phone again for the night and tried to go to sleep.

Still fired up.

So I prayed.

Before I could even ask for a way to forget the whole thing, God laid this on me: Matthew 5:17.

Now, I don't know this verse by heart. I wasn't even aware of how potent this scripture is. I just got this blinking vision of Matthew 5:17 in the heart of my eyes. Or the eyes of my heart. I'm not sure, it was all pretty transcendental.

I looked it up right then and there. Here's a transcript from The Message version of the Bible. This is Jesus talking:

17-18 "Don't suppose for a minute that I have come to demolish the Scriptures— either God's Law or the Prophets. I'm not here to demolish but to complete. I am going to put it all together, pull it all together in a vast panorama. God's Law is more real and lasting than the stars in the sky and the ground at your feet. Long after stars burn out and earth wears out, God's Law will be alive and working. 
(Picture of Mars from earlier this month. This has taken us lifetimes, but imagine how much larger the whole universe is?!)
19-20 "Trivialize even the smallest item in God's Law and you will only have trivialized yourself. But take it seriously, show the way for others, and you will find honor in the kingdom. Unless you do far better than the Pharisees in the matters of right living, you won't know the first thing about entering the kingdom.

I could make it my life's work (or at least a week's work) to dissect every word in those verses, but let me parse out some cliff notes:


  1. Jesus emphasizes God's Law. He asks us to understand that we cannot understand how the 'big picture' is going to play out. I think that's a call to faith and obedience.
  2. Jesus wants us to take it seriously and SHOW others how to live within God' Law. SHOW not TELL. Live it out, be the best example. No finger-pointing.
  3. The Pharisees were a political party or group of like-minded individuals who saw the world through political eyes. Like them, the Sadducees were sorta their opposition. 


Not to parse it further, but we should visit what "God's Law" is exactly? Welp, it's the 10 commandments. But I love how Jesus sums them up with 2 themes in Matthew 22:

34-36 When the Pharisees heard how he had bested the Sadducees, they gathered their forces for an assault. One of their religion scholars spoke for them, posing a question they hoped would show him up: "Teacher, which command in God's Law is the most important?" 
37-40 Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them."

Brilliant, yes? So freaking serendipitous!

Anger is not loving. Judgement is not loving. Rebuke outside of the context of a relationship is not loving. Argument for the sake of being right is not loving.

Right or left. Democrat, Republican or other. Pharisee or Sadducee. Are you living well? Are you loving well? I know Christians on the Right and on the Left that could use a heart-check.

I'll be first in line for heart-check screenings.

I welcome your thoughts, guys.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Flip-It Friday: How Do You Make Up?


"We fight we break up we kiss me make up..."

You tell 'em Katy Perry.

So how do you make up?

Do you apologize first? Do you always require an apology (not a bad thing, I think)? Do you act like nothing was ever wrong and just move past it? Do you have a drag-out-drawn-out discussion over the matter until everything's out on the table? Do you have a song-fight like Katy in the video?

I'm more of a bullet-points-on-the-issue-only-please and lets-get-this-over-with-and-go-eat-dinner kinda person.

You?

(I can't believe I've blogged about Katy Perry more than once... her name is a tag option!)

Friday, May 25, 2012

Flip It Friday: It's too early for the crazies

Let me usher us into the Memorial Day weekend by saying: What the freak is going on today!? Did the 90 degree heat scramble everyone's brains yesterday and we have yet to recover!?

Exhibit A
Imagine a Mortal-Kombat looking man (long, frizzy black hair, beard, chains, looks like his hay-day was the early 90's) saying Good Morning to you on the street-level, pauses to write you this personal note, follows you up to the train platform, mutters something about a show and then hands you this and asks you your name. In retrospect, I should have said my name was Ashley. Or Berta. Or Stevie. Anything but my real name. I am more haunted than flattered. 
 
Exhibit B
nails. Nails. NAILS. Photo captured by Mr. S.

And it's only 8:00 AM.

Last night was less weird. 


My company ran the Chase Corporate Challenge. It's 3.5 miles through downtown Chicago with 23,000 of your closest friends and coworkers! We won't with the whole shebang, but we are hoping to win a contest with one of our other offices who also runs this race (the Chase Corporate Challenge is run in many major cities around the world). I'm in the green and Mr. S is taking the photo.


Not an award-winning time, but a personal best for me (I was shooting to do it in 40 minutes). The whole race was 3.5 miles. That's the longest race I've run! (You may laugh.) Thanks goes to the Mr. for being a good pacer for me and not letting me give up!

Breaking news: This just in - a fellow coworked (not even in the race last night) brought me a doughnut from a new shop down the street to congratulate me on my run and celebrate Friday. It was lemon and it was gooood. 

I'll give you a choice of questions to answer this Flip-It Friday:

1) How do you avoid/handle awkward interactions with strangers or people that hit on you?
2) What is your favorite form of exercise (I hate running, so I'm open to suggestions)?
3) This isn't advice, but what's your favorite doughnut flavor?

Happy Memorial Day weekend, friends!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Scared of Social Media? [a.k.a. Bullsh*t]

10 Reasons Employers Should Block FaceBook

  1. Productivity. This was briefly mentioned above but the reality is you can quickly get lost in FaceBook where minutes turn into hours and all of a sudden your work just doesn’t get done.  Remember you are at work for a paycheck, but the company pays you to do your job not to keep up with relatives that are miles away.
  2. Malicious Malware. Social networks today are known for malicious malware from spyware to viruses. When it comes to these threats, a business network can be a gold mine to hackers, costing an organization millions. This can be a real headache for system administrators and eventually the whole company. 
  3. Illegal Content. Facebook isn’t known for the cleanest of content.  In fact, part of what makes it so much fun is that you can say just about anything you want to there (whether you should or shouldn’t).  This can lead to all kinds of problems in the workplace and can easily offend the other employees.
  4. Discrimination. Unfortunately, discrimination is still prominent in the world and therefore on FaceBook.  While that may be just distasteful in the comfort of your own home it can lead to very real discrimination and harassment lawsuits that the company just doesn’t want to deal with.
  5. Illicit Images. Okay we aren’t necessarily talking about all-out porn though that could exist.  We are also talking about that picture that your friend took last night after having a little too much to drink and felt like flashing the camera.  Hey, we’ve all been there…
  6. Network Use. While most networks have tons of bandwidth, there is no reason to let the network get bogged down in any way with content that is not work related.  You never know what may be posted on FaceBook nor how much bandwidth it might take to show those flip videos.
  7. Employees Are Paid To Work. Sorry if it seems repetitive but it’s really important to point out that you are paid to work and unless you are in social media yourself, not to be on FaceBook.
  8. Time Consuming Activity. I have spent literally hours on FaceBook playing games and/or tracing down all of my high school classmates.  There is just so much there that is interesting that before you know it you have shot a whole day.
  9. Confidentiality. Confidentiality is an extremely high priority issue within any organization in all industries. Especially when it comes to HIPAA within health care organizations, there are tough measures that must be taken to ensure that confidentiality is upheld at all times. Getting on social networks like Facebook could definitely lead to information from work ending up on the net.
  10. Networking Between Companies. When you employ people, you are competing with other companies. You definitely don’t want your employees on Facebook networking between companies, sharing information and giving away all your secrets. Even if this isn’t going on while the employee is on Facebook, it is a risk that you shouldn’t have to deal with.

  11. My take:

People can waste time without FB.

Malware can be found anywhere and clicked on through various sites.

Illegal content? I bet Victoria's Secret is blocked at your workplace too.

I don't even understand the point on discrimination.

Number 5 is number 3 all over again.

Network use... how about the use of the time around the water-cooler? How about we just chain people to their desks!

7 is number 1 all over again.

8 is number 7 and 1.

If you're worried about confidentiality either hire professional people or literally gag them and go through their mail.

10 is a problem with LinkedIn... or anyone with a thumb drive... or anyone who's ever belonged to a country club.

---

The ignorance in this article reminds me of this amateur high school reporter writing on why women don't need to go to college.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Flip It Friday: NBC's The More You Know (the more you're scared)


I'm reading Jack Abramoff's new book called Capital Punishment. After seeing the movie Casino Jack, based on the same Jack, and getting into his book, I feel that I can trust no one in authority.

Not that I knew enough about Tom Daley before to make a judgment on his character, but after 50 pages of Capital Punishment I'm think he's a Jack-A of another sort.

I feel that the more I watch food documentaries, or read about people who have no clean drinking water, or now that I work under some important VPs I just don't have faith in authority.

The people we trust to make decisions, the people we elect, the people we deem respectable are, in fact, abhorrent when held under a microscope.

Aren't we all, though? Talking with my brother about a post I put on my more personal blog (I know what you're thinking, "Doesn't she shed enough emotional skin on this site?!"), we discussed how everyone has baggage to carry and a shadow of past decisions to live next door to. Laying down on the floor may make the shadow go away, but it also makes you immobile.

Back to the point. If messed-up is normal and the people we see as superior are messed up, does that mean that it's ok because they are being normal?

Between my side reading, articles on NPR and the documentaries I watch on the weekends (for fun?! seeing a cow shot in the head and then drained of its blood... gag... fun?), I am seriously wondering about what humanity is up to.

Should our superiors be held to a higher standard or forgiven for their humility and supported for doing a hard job? Of whom are you skeptical?

I might post another FIF later as this one is heavy and disjointed.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

If I had to do it over, I might not have said "balls"...

Sometimes I give advice from an experience in my life that did not go well, one about which I should have given myself some better advice. Such an experience happened last night.

S and I had a newly-married small group send-off dinner. We've been in this lil class for 6 weeks (we skipped 2 for various conflicts) and at the end we, ideally, get matched with other couples to make up some small groups for Bible study. Neat neat.

We were going around the large, last-supper-like table saying our "how we met stories". S leaned to me and whispered, "Do we say what really happened?" I confirmed that now was the time to get it out in the open that we met at a college party in which I was dancing on the bar (*sober).

So we fessed up - sitting right.  next. to. the. pastor. and. his. wife. They are a great bunch and really easy going. We thought we could get away with the truth in front of God, His pastors, and a bunch of our peer-strangers.

S said we talked that night and then he waited a week like a "real man" to find me on facebook and then ask me out in a non-threatening way via FB email. Chuckles all around for his timid action and then... I did it... I said balls.

"You can tell who has balls in this relationship."

I was dancing on a bar in a crowded room and he didn't have the cha-ho-neighs to ask me out in person. Good LORD why did I say balls?? I couldn't even sensor that. Not to mention earlier, in the parking lot, I was loudly carrying on a hypothetical conversation that involved naming a child "Toyota" and then distancing yourself from them as a parent, and of course people heard me ... good. Lord. I just can't be stopped apparently.

I got a pat on the back from laid-back pastor and a good hearty laugh from the room. Oh and a red-faced husband. I got that too.

Of course we later made a trip to Target in which I chased him around (whist chanting his name, no less) with this hat in my hands and then, once I caught him, demanded that he pose for a photo.


I'm keeping this photo small to protect the innocent, although, not really protecting them as I still posted it. I might be crusin' for a bruisin'.

All in all, I hope the church still lets me in the door, the kids accept me into their married small group and that my husband both lets me in the door AND into his married small group.

Advice? Cool it and sensor yourself when dining with a pastor and some churchy peers.

Beverage pairing? Apple water. Cut some apples, put them in water, and then drink it. We had it last night at dinner and it was refreshing.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Hand-Out or Cold-Heart?: Thoughts on the Homeless

(Disclaimer: This post is lengthy and contains emotional material. Read on with a tissue, B.Lill, or you can just skip this one for now.)

Spending some time outside today, I dodged the rain by walking around a drug store. Just like Dane Cooks says, being at "The Wall" (Walgreens) or in my case, CVS, makes you want to steal stuff. Being honest, I paid for my knock-off Swedish fish and was on my merry way to peruse the rest of a train station, hiding from the rain. Leaving the station to return to work, headphones in, I was targeted by a young guy with a backpack and no umbrella.

"Ma'am, can I trouble you for a dollar? I'm trying to get on a tr..."

Ma'am. Pft. I handed him a little red fish that I was about to stick in my mouth, smiled, and turn to go without speaking. He looked bewildered, smiled back and then remembered his game.

"So, no then?"

This little scene I lived today reminded me of a conversation I've had with 2 separate groups of woman I value.

So what do you do when someone asks you for money on the street? How to do you deal (listen to me, "deal") with the homeless?

Both groups concluded that one should generally have something to give them - a meal, a snack, a dollar if they really look like they need it. I've heard of the great idea to carry around little "hobo packs" wherever you go so that you can provide someone who's saying they are down-and-out with a granola bar, transit card, chapstick, toothbrush, and even money. Great ideas, but somehow, we don't use them. Call it impracticality. Call it expensive. Call it lazy.

The most recent of these groups of women was a book club I am in. We read the book Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand about WWII and some of its most notable POWs. Harrowing stories of abuse and accounts of inhumane conditions were accounted in this book. Enough to tug on the coldest of hearts. One woman posed the question:

Would the way you approach a homeless person change if you knew he was a war Vet?

She went on to say that this book changed the way she thought of them. That we often ignore the homeless asking for money because they will most likely use it for booze or drugs. She said that she can't blame a vet for wanted to get a bit wasted after living through anything like what those POWs had. She said she'd adopted a homeless person near her work and gave him what she could when she saw him.

This insightful friend of ours, Liz, was sideswiped with a swell in an underlying heart condition and is spending the short time she has left here on earth in a hospital being watched over by family and prayed for by many friends.

Over a week ago, when we all first heard the news, one hopeful friend found Liz's homeless guy (possessive in the loveliest way possible) and gave him some cash. No questions asked. Because that's what Liz would have done.

God doesn't call us to ask "Why?", He just asks us to give. Period.

You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.”And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. As the Scriptures say,

“They share freely and give generously to the poor.
Their good deeds will be remembered forever.”

[2 Corinthians 9:7-9]

Liz, you and your good deeds will be remembered forever.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Tipsy Tuesday: Are You the Sand or the Pearl?

This morning on my CTA commute in to The Loop and back out the other side, I sat next to a woman who shook my world at 7:30 AM.

She said, "Good morning", after I made her move so I could sit down.

To be brutally honest (and brutal only to myself for even thinking the way I do), I often hold my conversational breath and try not to stare when riding this certain train. It brings people from the deep south side of Chicago into the city and runs through The Loop to service some of Chicago's worst neighborhoods on its way to a nearby suburb. (Don't worry, Mom, I get off the train before it hits the bad 'hoods.)

This part of my commute is rarely quiet, full of single moms with too many babies and too few hands, men on cell phones yelling expletives too loudly for the morning hours (as if there's ever a good time to do that publicly), large women taking up 2 seats each and talking at (not to, but at) one another from across the train, and not to mention the headphones that ironically share unwelcomed music-for-one in the form of rap-crap and someone's basement acoustics.

So when this woman greeted me kindly and then went back to reading her book, I was startled and then wary that she might try to talk to me. I like my commutes like I like my sleep - cool, quiet and comfortable (and I'd add clean, but that's not a CTA priority... although I did see someone Cloroxing the turnstiles once!).

The woman went back to reading her book but then muttered in my direction 4 stops later, "Excuse me?" Good gravy, I thought. It starts.

"Do you know what this word means?" She pointed at the page and mispronounced it, stuttering.

A quick panic washed over me. This is every writer's/literary's test. Put your grammar, language and vocabulary skills to test in the real world! Oh glory be, I should get this right. I had to think about it, but was able to come up with the correct pronunciation and defintion quickly enough to appear credible. She said thank you and we shared a weird giggle (I think it was a giggle).

I strutted off of the train as she said, "Have a good day", to me. I squeaked out after a too-long pause, "Thanks, you too". Walking with pride all the way down to the street level, I fished for my phone among the beverage fixings in my purse.

The beverages in my purse (not the water, but you get the idea).

Upon hitting pavement I Googled the word. Whew. I got it right. Mostly right. The women could probably deduce the tone of the word from the text she was reading to get the right connotation.

And then the guilt filled in where the relief subsided. I was so wonderfully proud of myself for getting an SAT word right on a real life test, that I forgot to return her verbal well-wishes for the day until an awkward beat later.

I may have puffed with pride at my book-knowledge, but where would that get me? How often will someone feed me a line about needing to know a word or a definition? And, by comparison, how far will that woman's kindness get her? I may have access to good jobs, have a great education, be a shameful iPhone user - having the world at my literal fingertips. But she, she has everything and then some because she's kind to strangers, doesn't see color or class and is humble enough to ask questions.

The world is her oyster and I'm the sand feeding into the pearl.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Flip-It Friday: "Forgiveness...Is More Than Saying So-rry."



Bahahaha! I can't help myself. Just Friends is most likely my favorite movie Ev-Ah!! Even just watching part of that clip makes me smile like an invalid. If people would still hang out with me if I acted like Samantha James, I would. In fact, I think I do occasionally act like S. James. I just need the fame to back me up.

Sigh. What was I doing...?

Oh.

Blogging a Flip-It Friday.

So, how do you say you're sorry? Do you lead with gift? (i.e. flowers, candy, a song??) Do you email them? Text? Sit down with them eye-to-eye?

Do you even say the words "I'm sorry" or do you skirt it by saying other nice things to pacify the situation like "I don't want to fight" or "Let's just drop it".

Are you the type of person who holds out until the other party apologizes first? Do you apologize even when you feel you weren't wrong?

I heard a quote that was something to the effect of: I don't apologize because I was wrong, I apologize because I value our relationship more than I value being right.

I have a hard time saying I'm sorry, but have gotten a bit better over the years. I struggle with pride and apologizing requires you to put your pride aside. I still struggle though.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Thoughts for Thursday: Even Bad Attention is Attention

I know a lot of good Jen/Jenny/Jennifer bloggers out there. [holla!]

Here's something for your mind's mouth to chew on

Not that I have an opinion on what is being called the "Trial of the Century", but I do hold an opinion that if you are paying attention to something with your words, you are voting for its survival as a topic.

Even bad attention is attention.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Is the offer empty courtesy or a legit favor?

This post is inresponse to a friend's question. Thank you for calling, Becca, you're on air with Unsolicited Advice.

Becca writes:
Our realtor who is lovely, offered to watch Betty [the baby] during our home inspection. Was this a polite curtesy offer or do we take her up on it?

Let me start this off with a scenario.

"I'm going out to lunch; can I get you anything?"

Spending years as a receptionist, I've been asked this questions regularly. What would people do if I told them the truth?

"Yeah, I'm looking to buy midol, tampons, spearmint gum and a TP because my roommate's lazy and there's a drugstore nearer to work than home."

Ok, maybe that's exaggerated, but it could happen.

My motto is that sometimes people offer to do things like this out of courtesy. Sometimes we decline when we really could use the favor for the same reason - courtesy.

(He really doesn't want my shopping list, he's just being nice. I really want someone else to schelp my stuff, but I'm just being nice.)

Often we ask/decline the first time out of curtesy. But the SECOND TIME, now that's a legit offer.

I'd say, Becca, if your realtor brings up the baby-watching more than once, chances are she's legitimately offering the favor and probably just wants to hang with that cute little child of yours.

Back to the scenario.

"I'm going out to lunch; can I get you anything?"

"Nah, I'm ok. Thank though."

"Are you sure? I owe you a free lunch after all the copies you made for me yesterday. Besides, the company's buying."

"I'll have a turkey on wheat and a diet. Thanks!"

Sunday, April 3, 2011

How to Politely Handle Political Disagreements in Social Media

Things aren't just blue and red anymore. There are as many political combinations as there are people, and with this rise of political interest in young people, opinions freely fling in social situations often. Not to mention that the rise of social media has given everyone their own soapbox. (Not that I'm complaining!)



So what is the proper way to handle your opinons on the internet? And almost more importantly, how do you handle other's opinions on the web?

There's nothing wrong with putting your opinion out there, but make sure you label it as opinion. Also, try and think if your words will wound anyone. There's no sense in starting a web-war for the sake of argument. Keep your political points about the issues themselves and back up your opinons when you can. Be prepared for backlash and accept other people for their opinions - even if you disagree.

If you get more than just a push-back for your opinions, try to let the negativity roll off your back. You can make a difference by taking interest in your community, voting and advocating for your ideals in service, petition and monetary donations. Writing a nasty comment on Twitter will only get you nasty responses.

Remember that you can only control yourself. There will always be those who disagree with you and it does no good to fight for the sake of fighting.



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