Pick a Side, Any Side

There are two things that my dad won't talk about: Politics and Religion.

To this day I am uncertain about what he thinks on those two topics. And by "uncertain" I mean that I have suspicions, but no hard certainty. We all, after all, shed light on our true selves through our actions.

Mr. S and I muted the TV last night to unknowingly get into a political discussion. It started with a simple question:

"Where are the moderate, rational Republicans?"

I won't get into details for fear of alienating anyone I care about who has chosen a political side, but I wondered about the state of the media. What we choose to watch on TV, read in the paper, blog about, bring up in conversation reveals our true opinions. Or even, helps shape our opinions.

Oh, be careful little eyes what you see - What you choose to see and what you are trying to overlook.

On the one hand, we may be inclined to turn the channel when the opposing views come on. We may decline a publication based on its author's beliefs. We may even look to our peers or our families for guidance and close ourselves off to the flip side of their ideals.

On the other hand, we could take it all in. Look for the key points in that politicians argument. Hear them out on their rationale. Ask people, other than ones you already know align with your thoughts, what they think. Seek out controversy - not to fight it, but to understand it.

I am guilty of not totally exploring the media that I may find challenging or downright wrong. But, as a citizen and a registered voter, it is my job to be informed and to listen.

I advise you to be informed. To challenge what you've always thought and be open to change. To listen before you speak. Make your vote your voice.

There's no secret about my religious beliefs. I think that a good book for someone like me (yep, I'm self-advising here... welcome to my self-help book... you've been here for months without realizing that I'm doing this out of self preservation/inspiration/medication!) would be this read by Jim Wallis:

I saw Jim speak at the North Park University Justice Conference last weekend and was really inspired by him. He seems like a smart and level-headed guy which is so important when dealing with sensitive issues like politics and religion.

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Sorry I wasn't there for you yesterday. I was working from home. Don't be that jealous. I ended up breaking a teacup I just bought and being the catalyst for $700 worth of car repairs (didn't know that the previous owners patch-worked our bumper together so one little brush with a Pontiac busted it all up). The two incidents are unrelated except in my heartbreak :(

Tipsy Tuesday: First Time Home Buyer Advice

Friends:

We are not buying a home rightthisminute, but we are starting to think about it.

So I posted a question on FB and you all came through for me. (I may just start having my Facebook friends write all of these posts for me!)

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I asked what were some things that home buyers wish they knew when they first started the process. Here's a breakdown of the FB answers and some interesting points I found in my own search to learn about home buying:

Practicalities
- Don't underestimate the proximity to a convenient store, grocery store, and/or pharmacy.
- Storage, storage, storage! Pantries, linen closets, etc.
- Leave emotion out of it. Keep looking until you find the right combination that fits your needs.
- Seek out a buyer-agent Realtor. Most agents are working for the seller and will try to "sell" you a house with their commission in mind.
- We've all heard that location is key, but if you're moving to a new climate/region you should learn what challenges await you. For example, my friend Maddy lives in Texas after growing up in the Midwest. I never knew this, but you must water your house in Texas to keep the slab from cracking in the summer. Interesting!

Finances
- The lender will approve you for too-much-home! You cannot afford the top dollar they will lend you unless you cut out a lot of your other expenses. Don't trust the bank to advise you on your budget.
- Putting 20% down is not a "must" as it once seemed, but be careful. You will spend more in the long run if you don't put 20% down.
- If you escrow your home owner's insurance and property taxes then the mortgage company can change your payment at any time. It's better to pay them in out-of-pocket.
- Get a good home inspector.

Resale Value
- Buy in a good school district, even if you don't plan to have kids.
- Stay away from fads in fixtures. Buy quality.
- Buy the cheapest house in the neighborhood as the other houses will drive up the value.
- Buy in an appreciating neighborhood and plan to invest at least 5 years in that house.

My brother-in-law also wrote something really nice:

"No matter what people tell you now you will make decisions that you wish you hadn't and will be pleasantly surprised about things you had no clue about."

Some of the advice above is more "key" than the rest, but I think it's all worth a ponder.

What advice do you have for us as we start this journey? We aren't even ready to start shopping lenders as Mr. S's job may change a bit (either a raise or a switch in companies) and that will change our employment/income information.

Another question I have is about the 20% down thing. Do you (cough, cough*dad*cough) think that putting less than 20% down is crazy? Some calculators like here and here make it seem like putting 10% down would be fine. I'm wary... but open to the possibility.

Your thoughts?

Get a Job or Get a Diploma

[Or just get a life! -*zing*]

I kid, I kid. School is awesome. I wish I could make a living out of going to school.

But after going to a social media marketing conference last week ($200 for a day) I thought, "I'm not learning anything here; I should totally just give up on these one-offs and get my MBA in marketing!"

I spent the afternoon pricing out schools in the area, looking at class schedules and emailing those I know who have taken graduate exams to see what their thoughts are on it.

Backing up a few months, I saw a quote to the following effect on Facebook and it made me cringe:

"Hey FB friends! What should I get my masters degree in??"

.... no words, lady. No words.

If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be going back to school, hmmm?

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Fast-forward again. I'm sitting on the train with my roommate (i.e. Mr. S) and say "I'm going to get my MBA. Would you mind living in Chicago for another few years while I wrap this up?"

He blinks at me, agrees that it's fine, but I think that's all just a tactic to go along with my wild ideas until I lose sight of them.

Consider THIS the reason that sight has been lost.

I have a great job that's entertaining my creativity but is still challenging enough that most days I pinch myself and worry that they'll find me out for the fraud I am (if they only knew what I don't know...). I have a career track that's worthwhile to me and that I can see rocketing me in the right direction. I have NO debt and I'm on schedule to BUY a house with my roommate/husband by the end of next year (woo-hoo!).

Why would I want to spend 3 years shoveling money into a maybe-pit? Thanks, but no thanks. I'll take my extra money and have a waiter bring me Mai Thais on my private rooftop deck.

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*Edit: As always, do what's right for you. I know many people who have several advanced degrees -some making use of these degrees, some not. Remember, for the sake of this blog (and in my life in general) I use extremes and seek to get a rise out of people. No shock about that. Carry on.

Listen, Learn, Speak Out: SOPA, Congressmen and AT&T

What is SOPA? (A biased article to explain and the actual bill.)

What do you think about it? Tell your congressman. Wikipedia can help you decide who that is.

Even Google got in on this.

In other news: I had a great time in Tucson with my husband and 'rents. I came back to a butt-load of work (at which I am happily chipping away) and the lights don't work in my interior office. I'd send you an iPhone pic, but AT&T sucks and I can't email them to myself. If you have AT&T and want to tell them to help you out with service, data coverage, fewer dropped calls then get this app and let them know when and where you experience trouble. If you live in Chicago, we've heard through the grapevine that data service should improve by April of this year.

Tipsy Tuesday: Increase Your QOL (Quality of Life)

I've been a whirlwind of ups and downs lately.

But enough about that. I want to give you some advice for hanging onto your hat this holiday season. No matter what bothers you (work, family, friends, a pack/blank social calendar), here are some of my tips for cooling-it.

Be sincere. If you are mad, express it lovingly. If you are apologizing, really mean it. Talk things through in your head so you don't fly off the handle. We all stay up late wrapping presents (eh-hem, like last night) and that makes us a little more reactive or sensitive in the mornings.

Be relevant. If you needn't say/do it, don't. Don't stress yourself out over the unnecessary. If you run out of holiday stamps for the Christmas cards, it's OK to use the liberty bell ones. ITS OK.

via Tiny Prints.

Have perspective. Someone is always going to out-Christmas you (matching sweater pictures, perfect holiday cookies, gifts mailed on-time). But someone will also make a worse fool of themselves at the holiday work party. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. If you consider dancing on the table in front of your boss "losing" then don't drink so much. In fact, maybe we should all give up alcohol for new years... hmm?

Breathe. And while you're stepping back to breathe, look at the panoramic picture. How is your action relevant? What can you see from your perspective? From their perspective? Are you being sincere? I read this cool technique on Mal's blog Sunday Morning Sugar. I did it at my desk and only got to 2 reps before I felt oh-la-la. Try it and report back!

How are you getting through the holidays? Do you stress? Do you let it roll off your back like a duck?

All unlabeled photos via Pinterest. Yay, work allows it again!! [But shhh. Don't tell them I know!]

If I had to do it over, I might not have said "balls"...

Sometimes I give advice from an experience in my life that did not go well, one about which I should have given myself some better advice. Such an experience happened last night.

S and I had a newly-married small group send-off dinner. We've been in this lil class for 6 weeks (we skipped 2 for various conflicts) and at the end we, ideally, get matched with other couples to make up some small groups for Bible study. Neat neat.

We were going around the large, last-supper-like table saying our "how we met stories". S leaned to me and whispered, "Do we say what really happened?" I confirmed that now was the time to get it out in the open that we met at a college party in which I was dancing on the bar (*sober).

So we fessed up - sitting right.  next. to. the. pastor. and. his. wife. They are a great bunch and really easy going. We thought we could get away with the truth in front of God, His pastors, and a bunch of our peer-strangers.

S said we talked that night and then he waited a week like a "real man" to find me on facebook and then ask me out in a non-threatening way via FB email. Chuckles all around for his timid action and then... I did it... I said balls.

"You can tell who has balls in this relationship."

I was dancing on a bar in a crowded room and he didn't have the cha-ho-neighs to ask me out in person. Good LORD why did I say balls?? I couldn't even sensor that. Not to mention earlier, in the parking lot, I was loudly carrying on a hypothetical conversation that involved naming a child "Toyota" and then distancing yourself from them as a parent, and of course people heard me ... good. Lord. I just can't be stopped apparently.

I got a pat on the back from laid-back pastor and a good hearty laugh from the room. Oh and a red-faced husband. I got that too.

Of course we later made a trip to Target in which I chased him around (whist chanting his name, no less) with this hat in my hands and then, once I caught him, demanded that he pose for a photo.

I'm keeping this photo small to protect the innocent, although, not really protecting them as I still posted it. I might be crusin' for a bruisin'.

All in all, I hope the church still lets me in the door, the kids accept me into their married small group and that my husband both lets me in the door AND into his married small group.

Advice? Cool it and sensor yourself when dining with a pastor and some churchy peers.

Beverage pairing? Apple water. Cut some apples, put them in water, and then drink it. We had it last night at dinner and it was refreshing.

Hand-Out or Cold-Heart?: Thoughts on the Homeless

(Disclaimer: This post is lengthy and contains emotional material. Read on with a tissue, B.Lill, or you can just skip this one for now.)

Spending some time outside today, I dodged the rain by walking around a drug store. Just like Dane Cooks says, being at "The Wall" (Walgreens) or in my case, CVS, makes you want to steal stuff. Being honest, I paid for my knock-off Swedish fish and was on my merry way to peruse the rest of a train station, hiding from the rain. Leaving the station to return to work, headphones in, I was targeted by a young guy with a backpack and no umbrella.

"Ma'am, can I trouble you for a dollar? I'm trying to get on a tr..."

Ma'am. Pft. I handed him a little red fish that I was about to stick in my mouth, smiled, and turn to go without speaking. He looked bewildered, smiled back and then remembered his game.

"So, no then?"

This little scene I lived today reminded me of a conversation I've had with 2 separate groups of woman I value.

So what do you do when someone asks you for money on the street? How to do you deal (listen to me, "deal") with the homeless?

Both groups concluded that one should generally have something to give them - a meal, a snack, a dollar if they really look like they need it. I've heard of the great idea to carry around little "hobo packs" wherever you go so that you can provide someone who's saying they are down-and-out with a granola bar, transit card, chapstick, toothbrush, and even money. Great ideas, but somehow, we don't use them. Call it impracticality. Call it expensive. Call it lazy.

The most recent of these groups of women was a book club I am in. We read the book Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand about WWII and some of its most notable POWs. Harrowing stories of abuse and accounts of inhumane conditions were accounted in this book. Enough to tug on the coldest of hearts. One woman posed the question:

Would the way you approach a homeless person change if you knew he was a war Vet?

She went on to say that this book changed the way she thought of them. That we often ignore the homeless asking for money because they will most likely use it for booze or drugs. She said that she can't blame a vet for wanted to get a bit wasted after living through anything like what those POWs had. She said she'd adopted a homeless person near her work and gave him what she could when she saw him.

This insightful friend of ours, Liz, was sideswiped with a swell in an underlying heart condition and is spending the short time she has left here on earth in a hospital being watched over by family and prayed for by many friends.

Over a week ago, when we all first heard the news, one hopeful friend found Liz's homeless guy (possessive in the loveliest way possible) and gave him some cash. No questions asked. Because that's what Liz would have done.

God doesn't call us to ask "Why?", He just asks us to give. Period.

You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.”And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. As the Scriptures say,

“They share freely and give generously to the poor.

Their good deeds will be remembered forever.”

[2 Corinthians 9:7-9]

Liz, you and your good deeds will be remembered forever.

Flip-It Friday: May I Get You Something to Drink?

Since switching from Ten Tips Tuesday to Tipsy Tuesday, I've wondered more about beverages. Whether you enjoy a cocktail or a mocktail, I'm sure every one of my readers has a go-to drink. Something you make for friends? Something that you look forward to after a long day? Something that perks you up in the morning? A traditional bev around the holidays?

Surprisingly, I grew up in a household that wasn't interested in alcohol for the majority of my upbringing. My dad doesn't drink and my mom has a glass of wine or beer occassionally. We had "kids wine" (read: sparkling grape juice) on Thanksgiving and New Years.

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I guess they kept the stuff out of the house for good reason, because all of their kids have grown up to enjoy a variety of cocktails (in moderation, of course!... unless we've had "bad Mexican" food, and then we cannot be held accountable for our digestive revolt!).

You've seen my staples in this blog: french press black coffee, red wine, and the mojito.

I love to serve a beverage when someone comes into my house - even if it's just a glass of water - for many reasons:

- It's a conversation piece (Oh, this cocktail with maple syrup is delicious... haha)
- It's an icebreaker (sometimes literally)
- It's a show of hospitality
- It gives you something to do while in the kitchen (because somehow, we always end up in the kitchen, right?)
- I like holding a glass in my hands as a "prop", especially when I'm in a new place
- I'm generally parched. Ask S. I leave glasses around the house like Gretel left breadcrumbs. It's a bit like the movie Signs.

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So I ask, what's your go-to for guests?
What do you have every day?
What do you keep stocked in your bar or fridge?

Ten Tips Tuesday: Ways to Remember Something

I have more passwords now with a new job, apartment, marriage, credit card, etc than I care to remember. Or that I CAN remember. This morning I was prompted to even change the password on my work computer. Apparently you cannot use the same password twice in a year, it has to be X number of characters long and include numbers, is case sensitive, cannot be a form of your name, the company's name or any numbers associated with your ID number or be a word in the English language or include number 1, 4, 33 or any repeating letter...

Little bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea.

I have a terrible memory too. Here's how we take on the occasional amnesia:

1) Make a calendar reminder so you get an email or text the day before an event. That way you can lay out your outfit, shave your legs and put down the bottle of wine after 2 glasses to keep from looking all coco-puff-dehydrated in the morning.

2) Set everything you need for the next part of your day by the door. In the evening before I go to bed, I put my bag, shoes, commuter reading and a note saying "Don't forget you made a ham sandwich for lunch and it's in the fridge, dummy" by the door. If I need to remember to take something home from work I do the same and put it next to my bag/shoes/book.

3) Not at home or not have a phone to put reminder dates in? Live under a rock? Put a rubberband around your wrist. I used to do this in high school when they wouldn't let you carry phones around (and to be honest, I was not cool enough to have a phone in high school). The band will be awkward enough to not be confused with jewelry and if you don't wear one everyday it will be different enough to give you that "huh, I was supposed to do something today..." feeling. Writing it on your hand works too, but cannot be taken off easily if you need to step into a meeting.

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4) The good ol' sticky note. Stick 'em. Love 'em.

5) Make a Google document of passwords. Try to keep them as vague as possible. Say, the credit card you just got has online billing and you need to remember the username and password. Don't just write that all out in the document unless you absolutely cannot remember it (then you should probably pick a different password anyway). Googled Docs are not 100% secure, so if your password is the name of your favorite Thai food place, put "Favorite Thai Place" as your reminder.

6) If you have to keep calling customer service at work or remember a product code, tape a cheat sheet next to the wall by your phone. Be professional and put it in a protective plastic sleep to keep it from getting curled in the summer humidity. Once you have the stuff memorized, file that sheet away in the recycling bin. You should have an electronic copy stored somewhere.

7) Tell a friend what you are trying to remember. I say "remind me that I have a dentist appointment tomorrow" but I don't really mean that they have to remind me. I mean, it would be nice, but I'm not totally telling them to remind me. Sometimes saying it out loud helps.

8) Write it on your bathroom mirror in a dry erase marker. "You have lunch with SoAndSo today". My sister writes her husband encouraging messages (or herself, I guess I don't know who the messages are to) on the bathroom mirror. I think it could work for reminders too.

What a lovely bathroom mirror, too! Via

9) Just like in school, make an acronym or mnemonic device. My husband's password to everything is a ba-zillion digit number/letter combo that he had to memorize when imputing code in middle school. How the flip am I gonna remember a techy little mashup like that? I made a song out of it. Yes, sir, I sing a bunch of gibberish when I login to our Mint.com account. And now that I have done it a bunch and it's in my finger's muscle memory, I can do it by just chanting it. High five to progress!

10) Make a routine. If you keep forgetting your lunch, make it part of your morning routine to open the fridge - even on weekends. If you forget to set your alarm, check it every night even when you know you have the AM and the PM correct because you reset it after you got up in the morning. If you forget to pay your credit card bill on the 15th each month, highlight all the 15ths of the month in your calendar (whether it's a desk calendar, a daily tear-off calendar or your e-calendar) and make a mid-month routine. Like watering your plants:

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Until we all descend into blissful retirement of the mind, lets keep up, shall we?