10 years

Ten years ago today my hometown community and I lost someone significant.

Googling his name produces either dry articles from local papers about the specifics of the accident or sloppy-wet pleas from local pontificates about "healing" and "in a better place".

In honor of this milestone anniversary of his passing (and a week after his birthday - he would have been 26), I'd like to rewrite history and give him an online presence that is neither scientific nor somber. To show him we've thrived. And because he was funny and would have disliked such a monotone, sad legacy.

Here goes:

JP was a badass. He said yes to life while he had it. He didn't need authority or rules or grades - just ask his teachers! He died in an appropriately silly way: on what he called "scoot-ride", riding into the sun, and hearsay says, eating! He was one of few kids to have a full drum set in his room and probably the only one I know to have created a logo for himself and the set. He was handsome but would sacrifice a cool flick of his hair for a twisted-up face and goofy voice if it would get a laugh. He was cool but risked his popularity by working for a hot-dog joint. Alas! He made working the fryers cool! 

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JP, we really had quite a thing going and I was devastated as anyone would have been to say goodbye. I'm sorry I lost touch with your family, but I somehow think that was for the best. But in good news, I got out of town. I graduated from a prestigious university. I moved to a big city and have had a few professional jobs. I am married, own a house, have a new car, a cute dog and a wonderful husband that I think you'd really like. He plays guitar, so I think you'd probably bond over a jam session.
Neither of you can sing though.
I'll handle that :)

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Leave hate-mail comments if you like, but I think he'd applaud some irreverence.

There is a Season, Turn, Turn

RooBabe, another puppy-friend and Lake Michigan

"When I first started asking questions about my faith, I was terrified. In my loneliness and fear, I tried desperately to drag the people I loved most along with me on my journey through doubt. I was in a season of deconstruction, of uprooting, of tearing down. And like a spoiled child, I ran about the Church, knocking down every theological block tower I could find, delighting in the destruction.

I was asking good questions, worthy questions—about creation, science, biblical interpretation, gender, religious pluralism, heaven and hell— but I was angry with those not asking these questions along with me; I wanted to force them into my season. 

But there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.

A time to plant and a time to uproot,

A time to kill and a time to heal,

A time to tear down and a time to build.

Since then, I have come to see that the attentive soul cycles through these seasons. Wintery seasons of deconstruction, uprooting, questioning, and tearing down are often followed by exciting, spring-like seasons of reconstruction, creativity, healing, and building.

A time to mourn and a time to dance,

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

A time to search and a time to give up.

And it’s easy, when I’m in a season of building, to look down my nose at my brothers and sisters who are in a season of tearing down.

And it’s easy, when I’m in a season of throwing away, to look down my nose at my brothers and sisters who are in a season of keeping.

A time to keep and a time to throw away,

A time to tear and a time to mend,

A time to be silent and a time to speak.

Some of us are in seasons of speaking, and some of us are in seasons of silence. Some of us are in seasons of mending, and some of us are in seasons of ripping apart. Some of us are in seasons of mourning, and some of us are in seasons of dancing. Some of us are in seasons of searching, and some of us are in seasons of giving up.

Let’s not forget that we need one another.

We need wildfires for new life to grow. We need scraps for our quilts and jackhammers for our remodels.

We need the sounds of laughter and the sounds of crying. We need baptisms and funerals, confirmations and AA meetings.

We need both the systems and the reforms. We need the theses, the hammer, the nail. And we need the door.

Let’s not forget that we need one another, if only to acknowledge that within every season a new season awaits, swelling and splitting like a seed in the soil, about to break through."




-- More heart-reading from Rachel Held Evans

Flip-It Friday: Prayers

Hello friends.

What a whirlwind day/week/month, huh?

I've mentioned that work has been sorta stormy for me. Exhilarating, full of potential and scary.

The Mr. and I had lunch with this friend (who is hilarious!) while he's in town giving a Ted Talk. Go Sam! Lunch was a nice diversion from the current stress of this job. I love this job, but its pretty wearing sometimes.

For instance, my boss is really sick right now. He's undergoing radiation treatment for aggressive cancer. Because of a former illness, he can't get chemotherapy and has to soley rely on the radiation. His last week of radiation is next week. If it doesn't work, he has no other options.

If you believe in thoughts and prayers, would you spare some?

What are you sending up into the clouds this week? Let's spread the burden around and share the load, people!

And now to lighten it up, here are some rhymes about Fig Newtons!

And here's Sam!

Why I Won't #Ask4More Today

Today, April 9th, is Equal Pay Day. It symbolizes how far into 2013 women have to work to earn what men did in 2012.

But I won't be asking for any more today. Or this week. Or this month. Here's why:

I know my company.
Good or bad, I'm privy to some very tough and telling conversations. I know that my company is not going swimmingly right now, more like just floating. I know that some have lost their jobs and others have taken pay cuts to keep us going. I am not about to ask for more when I know others are being given less and less.

I know my industry.
The construction industry is not all the way back to normal yet. I know that labor jobs are coming back, but those are the first to go and the first to come back. They are relatively cheap for builders and architects while professional services, such as my company, are more expensive and not always brought back into the fold at the same rate.

I know my bosses.
I am valued and respected at my job. I have received inflation based raises since starting here and given opportunities that others haven't. They wouldn't do me dirty.

I have earned other perks.
I get things that are arguably better than money. I get a day to work at home once a week (hello, hair appointments and open grocery checkouts!). I am learning design with tutorials and materials on the company dime. I can expense lunches I have with interviewees. When I asked for a medication to be covered by our insurance, HR got it done. I have full design and editorial license in our blog, newsletter, Facebook and other materials. I am given a long, loose leash.

Thanks for posting this, Chelsey!

I think that women are undervalued in the workplace, I do. I know that not everyone is being paid what they should be, but that doesn't mean that everyone can demand a raise. If your company cannot give you a raise, see if there are other perks you can get. Negotiate a lifestyle, not a salary and if that includes money adjustments, so be it. Asking for more money when you know your company isn't in a good place can show that you are obtuse, unprofessional and not a team player.

Will you be asking for a raise this week? Do you negotiate things outside of your salary?

Flip-It Friday: How Do You Forgive Yourself

How do you keep trying after failure?

Source: theyallhateus.com via Kate on Pinterest

My ass.

Flip It Friday: Little White Lies

I'm a liar. My Pinterest bio says so.

I lie to myself all the time to get through things and keep thinking positively.

My calves don't hurt. Keep running.
If I complete this project on time, I'll be thanked. I'll get me noticed.
Act like you need to be there at 8 instead of 8:30 and you'll be on time.

Last night the Mr. was dealing with a cable bill issue, some stupid work issues that spilled over into the evening and cat issues (cats have issues in general, no surprise - amaright, folks!) and spun off onto a complaining tirade.

I do it too, I'm not picking on him. He just had the most recent example.

I suggested we play the "silver-lining game". Every time he wanted to complain about something, he has to follow it up with a positive about the same situation.

At least we can afford cable.
At least he has a job and the issue at hand doesn't threaten that.
At least the cats aren't dead (although that could be another negative, depending on who in our house you ask!).

Abe Lincoln gets it:

Source: woofimaunicorn.tumblr.com via Tamara on Pinterest

Tell me, do you ever lie to yourself? Do you ever have to force yourself to be positive? How do you handle downward spirals into negativity?

Tipsy Tuesday: Just Say No to School

I'm done with school.

Don't get me wrong, I loved school at all levels and plan to be a life-long learner (hello reading!), but until collegiate learning is more affordable, I won't go back.

I was reading this girl's tale about graduating with 6-figure debt. She and I have parallel lives (grew up on a tight budget, got scholarships for undergrad, got degrees in Creative Writing and Psychology, graduated with no debt) right up until she decides to go back to school.

I'm taking this as the final sign that I should take grad school off the table.

Listen, I know for some of you out there, higher degrees have helped your career and you are making 3-fold what you would have made without that masters/doctorate. To you, I say my new favorite phrase:

"Good on ya."

But the rest of you. C'mon! Creative Writing or other "arts" don't need a higher degree... especially if you cannot afford it! Unless scholarships/fellowships/dad is willing to pay for it, your 6-figure debt in loans will not be worth it. You'll never be able to pay it back without a lifetime of sacrifice.

Come. on.

I've been guilty of thinking about getting a masters. I wanted to do it. I love school, learning and the idea that I can add an entire other line to my resume. But it would never be worth it.

I'm going to use my psychology (bah!) to list some words that might describe you who are pursing higher degrees for no other reason than the love of syllabi, freshly sharpened pencils and earning A's instead of $'s. If any of these resonate, take heart and stop wasting your time and money:

Coward
That's right, you may be a coward. You may be afraid to try and fail. You may be worried that no one will like your work. You may be worried that the real world is hard.

Idiot
You might be an idiot if you think that a master's degree is the sand in which you may stick your ostrich-head while you wait for the storm of low employment to pass and the economy to turn around.

Math-Challenged Idiot
You're this special breed of idiot if you think that your masters degree will guarantee you more money and therefore will be worth the expense. Life costs more than you think. For instance, you need to account for taxes. Take your potential salary and lop off a third of it. Use a calculator if you have to.

Elitist
You may be afraid to work a job you think is beneath you. You are better than the rest of us. You are so smart. You will wow us all at parties one day. But you won't be invited to those parties if you stink of pretension and too-poor-for-deodorant.

Parasite
You are totally okay with living off the land (Walden style) or living off of others (Tinker Grey style). Some may have sympathy for you and give you a hand-out. "This starving artist I know", they'd say. I'm not saying that struggling for your art is bad; I am saying that planning on relying on others is bad. And relying on them when you could have avoided some massive debt is bad.  Heaven help you if you rub elbows with Republicans.

Lesson? Don't go back to school if you can't afford it.

Any of those sound familiar?
Are you in a master's program and you see a light at the end of the tunnel, both financially and career-wise?
Did you get your masters/doctorate and regret it?
Do you regret undergrad?
Am I too harsh? Comment and chew me out :)

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Traveling is Hard, There is Such a Thing as Too Much Pink and other first world problems.

As aforementioned, we were in Massachusetts this past weekend (roughly 4 days). For fun and to not require too much reading or writing out of all of us on a Monday, I'll give you advice alongside my vacation photos. 

Photo: At O'Hare after getting up much earlier than normal.

Advice: You may not be able to control your wake-up call, but you can control your attitude about it. You can also control your husband's attitude about it - if you are sickeningly sweet to him and sing songs about vowels (A, E, I, O, U and sometimes Yyyyy!) he's bound to perk up or at least go cross-eyed for the camera.

Photo: One of two dollhouses in the house we rented.

Advice: Beggars can't be choosers. If you are staying in a house for free, you cannot get mad about staying in a child's room that has more pink than the inside of a shark's mouth (and somehow gives you a corresponding feeling). 'Twas the kinda pink (ceilings, carpets, walls, dollhouses) that gives everything in it an unnatural hue. 

Photo: Berkshires- A river/creek runs through them.

Advice: Soak it in. The quiet is so pure. No wonder celebrities who have mentally cracked go here to rein in the crazy.

Photo: Short-horn cattle

Advice: If you approach them, the cattle may bolt. Act like this was your intention and blame it on the Amish cattle being camera-shy.

Photo: Me in front of Mt. Greylock after my own celebrity break-down. 

Advice: Sometimes (all-the-time) on trips I get grumpy/irritable/sad/overwhelmed/crazy/sick-in-the-digestive-system about 2 or 3 days in. I think it has something to do with how inefficient my digestive system is, being a middle child, and being a woman from a family of awesome people who have achieved greatness (degrees out the wazoo from places like Yale, MIT and Princeton and brilliance to match, for instance). It's a weird combo, but competition and constipation get the best of me.

After 2.5 days of 21 adults, 4 children under the age of 6, and 2 nights in the pink room of perpetual shark sorrow, I broke. The Mr. took me on a walk and let me whine and cry it out. Such a good Mr. he is. My advice for you, if you get sorta overwhelmed, is to take a break by yourself or with someone you trust and get away from your get-a-way. 

I read a book that my Grammy loaned me for a few hours and sat down to talk the stock market with a smart-but-approachable uncle of mine for an hour. I felt both smarter and validated for it.

Photo: Walk/hike in the mountains.

Advice: Get some fresh air and physical activity while on vacation. Burning some calories and doing it with a group can be a bonding and uplifting experience.

Photo: Albany airport. Flight delayed (a total of 4 hours). 2 expensive glasses of wine.

Advice: Just like the beginning of this trip, one should be reminded that travel is not easy and to expect bumps in the road. We were patient and calm and tried to make the best of it. We decided that our expensive glasses of wine were worth the potential calming effect they could offer. They also helped lubricate the letter we are sending to break it off with United and hopefully get some sweet alimony in the divorce. (United = the worst. Officially. They have stranded us too many times.)

Photo: Wine shipment from August Hill Winery.

Advice: Have a wine company ship you wine. Seriously, it just come right to ya and when you get home from a trip it's waiting for you, with open arms. 

Do you have any weird problems with travel? Do any of you ever feel like you need a vacation from your vacation?

Meat v. Veg., The Omnivore's Dilemma

I know I already posted this Friday, but I just couldn't help but share this article from the NYT.

The Ethicist Contest Winner: Give Thanks for Meat

Hey, Dad, he even quotes Aldo Leopold:

“A thing is right when it tends to preserve the integrity, stability and beauty of the biotic community. It is wrong when it tends otherwise.”

The article is a good read about responsible eating. Responsible consumption (of more than just food) is on my mind a lot. Things like this are both reprimanding and freeing. Take it all in, my foodies!

(And I hope his bio at the bottom is real and that his kid's middle name is indeed Sassafras!)

It's All Been Said Before, But Apparently Couples Aren't Listening

More relationship advice. Go ahead and click away now if you're sick of it. I can't remember if I've been writing a lot of relationship advice lately, but I know it's been done. Cliche, of course, but on the heels of yet another celebrity split (apparently a shocker), and after meeting another set of newlyweds this weekend that boasted "We've only been married a few months... but at least we beat Kim Kardashian!" I feel I/we/you could use some friendly reminders.

Let's take the recent spotlight separation - Heidi Klum and Seal - for an example and dissect it into it's wrong turns.

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Their statement:
“While we have enjoyed seven very loving, loyal and happy (1) years of marriage, after much soul-searching (2) we have decided to separate.We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other very much, but we have grown apart (3). This is an amicable process (4) and protecting the well-being of our children remains our top priority (5), especially during this time of transition.”


1) Marriage is based on a commitment (or, rather, should be) and commitment has nothing to do with the feeling of "love" or "happiness". Yes, you usually love your partner when you marry them, but if you based that marriage on your feelings you would love them when the sun shines and leave them when it rains. Why get married then? Why not just date, perpetually? Because you want to start a family with them, you want to have someone there to take care of you if you become a vegetable, or you want to be important enough to someone else that they trust you with their lives. Commitment based on feelings is childish and selfish. Which brings me to ...


2) Soul-searching is selfish. It implies that you are seeing what will "work" for you. Can you  make this marriage work? Can you stand to keep living life alongside this person? It's all about you, huh? Marriage used to mean that two people were now a unit, acting as one. Soul-searching is an inward discussion and cuts the other person out. Of course you split up after "soul-searching". Your animalistic fight or flight response turns on your marriage when you become an "I" instead of a "we". Which brings me to...


3) Growing apart is product of your decisions. Now, wait. Don't get me wrong. All couples need to be able to spend time with friends or have hobbies on their own. You cannot literally spend every waking second together. Or maybe you can but it could get really annoying. A bit of separate time makes you appreciate the time you have together, but growing apart is an extreme symptom of a decision to be separate. In high profile, high stress, high travel, dual-career, multiple-child marriages oftentimes couples have to schedule time together to nurture their relationship. Regular date night, even if you have to make them so regular that it's the same restaurant reservation on the same night once a month, do it! Marriage is about growing with someone. Making time to listen to them, ask questions, focus on them will remind you why you make a great team in the first place. Put your phone down, call a sitter and go on a date! If you're in trouble, don't go it alone and don't ignore it. Seek counseling, go on a marriage retreat, do something annually to nurture your marriage (whether you have problems or not) and consider it preventative medicine. 


4) Lies.

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5) If your children were your top priority, you'd work on your marriage. Period. Divorce just does something to a family. To the kids specifically. I know my marriage is still wet behind the ears, but I am channeling the advice of our church's mentor couples and other successful marriages in my life by saying that you have to work on your marriage for your kids. Your spouse comes first, your kids come second. That might be a tough pill to swallow, but you have to have a stable spousal relationship to effectively, joyously raise a family. People think that they are doing their kids a favor by not fighting anymore when they divorce. But divorcing before going to counseling, taking a retreat with your spouse, and investing in your marriage by remembering your commitment is like putting a bandaid on a bandaid instead of re-dressing the wound - it only covers up the problem and lets it fester beyond salvation.

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Here is a relationship series that my church did. I heard a few of these in person and found them really inspiring.


Marriage is hard. Divorce is harder. Don't take either lightly.  


Think I'm wrong? Am I missing something? Do you have marriage advice for me? Comment below!

Flip-It Friday: You're Too Broke for That!

Right off the top here I'm going to say that this question could get political. Please comment honestly, but with a conscious filter that this is a public forum. And if you must be crude to comment, go ahead, I just might delete your comment. Haha... like people ever comment anyway :)


So what bone am I picking? Welfare.

There has been a debate about whether those on welfare should have to pass a drug test to receive government assistance. I think this is just the tip of the iceberg. (P.S. I spelled "iceburg" the first time like Suburgatory, which, btw, is really funny and reminds me of Mean Girls...carry on.)

Should taxpayers have more of a say in how individuals receiving welfare spend their money? Whether it be having more strict guidelines with how food stamps can be spent or not allowing welfare dependent families to buy "extras" like pets or have satellite TV.

I once was behind a family with young children in the grocery line and they had boxes of donuts, several gallon jugs of sugary "fruit" punch drink, chips, greasy "salads" from the deli and pork cracklin's. Not one green vegetable on the whole conveyor belt and this is a local market that has extremely affordable produce. (A 5 lb bag of carrots for $2.99, hello!!) The parent's total was well over $100 but they only had to pay about $40 of it because of their Link Card.

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I grew up in a money-conscious household and my parents were very smart (from my perspective) on raising 3 kids on one modest salary. We rarely had "fake" food (didn't even keep soda in the house for a long time) nor did we have cable or satellite TV. Even now as I am making my own way, S and I cut back on the unnecessary to afford the things we need and value.

Priorities are in the eye of the beholder, but when it comes to a family's health or the well-being of children, I get riled up. To think, with the junk food they eat, they are making their children more at risk for high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity and other health-related illnesses. I don't believe that these families can afford huge medical bills if they can't even afford groceries. 

So what do you think? Does something about a food-stamp family buying junk food just make your jaw hit the floor? Should those that get assistance from our tax dollars be able to "splurge" on the unnecessary? Am I being really insensitive and not seeing the big-picture?

Flip It Friday: NBC's The More You Know (the more you're scared)

I'm reading Jack Abramoff's new book called Capital Punishment. After seeing the movie Casino Jack, based on the same Jack, and getting into his book, I feel that I can trust no one in authority.

Not that I knew enough about Tom Daley before to make a judgment on his character, but after 50 pages of Capital Punishment I'm think he's a Jack-A of another sort.

I feel that the more I watch food documentaries, or read about people who have no clean drinking water, or now that I work under some important VPs I just don't have faith in authority.

The people we trust to make decisions, the people we elect, the people we deem respectable are, in fact, abhorrent when held under a microscope.

Aren't we all, though? Talking with my brother about a post I put on my more personal blog (I know what you're thinking, "Doesn't she shed enough emotional skin on this site?!"), we discussed how everyone has baggage to carry and a shadow of past decisions to live next door to. Laying down on the floor may make the shadow go away, but it also makes you immobile.

Back to the point. If messed-up is normal and the people we see as superior are messed up, does that mean that it's ok because they are being normal?

Between my side reading, articles on NPR and the documentaries I watch on the weekends (for fun?! seeing a cow shot in the head and then drained of its blood... gag... fun?), I am seriously wondering about what humanity is up to.

Should our superiors be held to a higher standard or forgiven for their humility and supported for doing a hard job? Of whom are you skeptical?

I might post another FIF later as this one is heavy and disjointed.

What to Resolve for NYE

Do you have a new years resolution?

I'm reading that some people are tossing them out of the window and just living 2012 like they did 2011. Fine, fine. But if you're going to change something, why not resolve to change it when you have the support of the world and their resolutions too?

Lost on what to resolve? Here are some strange/sincere/silly suggestions:

- Eat dessert. Whenever it's available.
- Do a walking tour of your hometown or some place familiar.
- Go to bed an hour earlier (or later... but do something awesome with that hour!).
- Pick a new tv series and follow it religiously.
- Immerse yourself in a new author's works and finish the lot of 'em.
- Cook "Around the World" by making a dish a week that represents another country.
- Become a "Yes man", but within reason. Not like Jim Carrey.
- Incorporate a new article of clothing into your regular attire (ponchos, scarves, argyle).
- Give up holding grudges.
- Live on less and save or donate the rest.
- Vow to do one thing that scares you a month (ski, see a movie alone, sing in public)
- If you haven't been in a while, go to the dentist!
- Give up caffeine (or don't, haha!).
- Instead of trying to lose weight, vow to mind portion sizes and keep a food journal.
-  Date wildly in 2012. Whether you have a permanent person to date or whether you are still open to suggestion. If you're shy, ask for phone numbers. If you're used to meeting people at bars, approach someone in an art museum. Walk up to the bassist after a metal show. If you're dating/married don't forget to date that person. Ask them out. Wear perfume. Turn up the charm! [Note: This is not a hint to S. I feel well dated... er, you date me well... er... you know what I mean.]

Maybe my favorite suggestion: Treat Yo Self

Drink pairing? Champagne of course!

Note: I am still not drinking until New Years. I got through the holidays only having 1 beer because I couldn't find an ibuprofen. I think it was a fair trade.

Advice: Yee-haw! Get Back On The Horse

Sometimes you're up. Sometimes you're down. I feel like there's a song here.

I've had an awesome and terrible couple of weeks.

I've also exaggerated how terrible it's been. It's been mostly great with a few slight hiccups, if I'm being honest and reasonable.

But I'm not honest and reasonable. I all sortsa crazy on a whim.

So what do you do when you've: picked 3 fights with your family in 24 hours, put your foot in your mouth, broke the website at work that they JUST entrusted to you, been late to dinner, wasted money on a cab when you should have walked, let your emails pile up, been "overserved" and therefore "dehydrated" the next morning when you have to go to work and deal with a problem, AND failed to sew the button back onto the only pants that match the sweater you NEED to wear and just say 'screw it' and go to work all sloppy-bobbie with an unbuttoned pocked flap?

 High five me. High five.

What do I do after all of this and a solid half hour of complaining and dramatizing my demise (a la phrases like "This outfit? Take a good look. This is the outfit I'll be wearing when I get fired.").

But after all that I get back on the horse. Nothing's all that bad. I still have a family that loves me (sorry guys, I know you love me even if I've tried to alienate each of you lately), a job (no, I didn't get fired), friends that are willing to say "yes" to a 3rd (or 4th?) bottle of wine, and a trip to Tucson in January to look forward to. Nothing is that bad. All will turn out fine.

So maybe the song should be Where the Blacktop Ends. Original, drugged-out, short-haired Keith Urban.

Actually, no. This is the song.

Hand-Out or Cold-Heart?: Thoughts on the Homeless

(Disclaimer: This post is lengthy and contains emotional material. Read on with a tissue, B.Lill, or you can just skip this one for now.)

Spending some time outside today, I dodged the rain by walking around a drug store. Just like Dane Cooks says, being at "The Wall" (Walgreens) or in my case, CVS, makes you want to steal stuff. Being honest, I paid for my knock-off Swedish fish and was on my merry way to peruse the rest of a train station, hiding from the rain. Leaving the station to return to work, headphones in, I was targeted by a young guy with a backpack and no umbrella.

"Ma'am, can I trouble you for a dollar? I'm trying to get on a tr..."

Ma'am. Pft. I handed him a little red fish that I was about to stick in my mouth, smiled, and turn to go without speaking. He looked bewildered, smiled back and then remembered his game.

"So, no then?"

This little scene I lived today reminded me of a conversation I've had with 2 separate groups of woman I value.

So what do you do when someone asks you for money on the street? How to do you deal (listen to me, "deal") with the homeless?

Both groups concluded that one should generally have something to give them - a meal, a snack, a dollar if they really look like they need it. I've heard of the great idea to carry around little "hobo packs" wherever you go so that you can provide someone who's saying they are down-and-out with a granola bar, transit card, chapstick, toothbrush, and even money. Great ideas, but somehow, we don't use them. Call it impracticality. Call it expensive. Call it lazy.

The most recent of these groups of women was a book club I am in. We read the book Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand about WWII and some of its most notable POWs. Harrowing stories of abuse and accounts of inhumane conditions were accounted in this book. Enough to tug on the coldest of hearts. One woman posed the question:

Would the way you approach a homeless person change if you knew he was a war Vet?

She went on to say that this book changed the way she thought of them. That we often ignore the homeless asking for money because they will most likely use it for booze or drugs. She said that she can't blame a vet for wanted to get a bit wasted after living through anything like what those POWs had. She said she'd adopted a homeless person near her work and gave him what she could when she saw him.

This insightful friend of ours, Liz, was sideswiped with a swell in an underlying heart condition and is spending the short time she has left here on earth in a hospital being watched over by family and prayed for by many friends.

Over a week ago, when we all first heard the news, one hopeful friend found Liz's homeless guy (possessive in the loveliest way possible) and gave him some cash. No questions asked. Because that's what Liz would have done.

God doesn't call us to ask "Why?", He just asks us to give. Period.

You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.”And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. As the Scriptures say,

“They share freely and give generously to the poor.

Their good deeds will be remembered forever.”

[2 Corinthians 9:7-9]

Liz, you and your good deeds will be remembered forever.

Ten Tips Tuesday: How to Effectively Downsize Your Wardrobe without Limiting Your Options

For the Inaugural Ten Tips Tuesday post idea, I thank my friend Sarah!

1) Get rid of anything that doesn't fit. Whether you've gained or lost weight, don't keep things around in hopes (or discouragement) that they might fit again.

2) If you haven't worn it in a year, you probably won't wear it. Save for something special or sentimental like a wedding dress or graduation cap & gown (which you could vacuum seal and put under your bed to save closet space), clothes that are forgotten for a year are usually forgotten forever.

3) You don't need more than 2 pairs of black pants and *at most* 3 pairs of jeans. Get black pants in lengths that work with both heels and flats and jeans that work with both heels and flats. The only reason you'd need 3 pairs of jeans is if you have them in different washes. Getting all of your jeans in dark washes assures that they are both professional and dressy and therefore more versatile.

4) T-shirts. Downsize your t-shirts to just the ones that are from that special concert or the one that is finally broken-in and oh-so-soft. You don't need "Team Building Exercise '99". See Flight of the Conchords below. You won't regret it.


5) Invest in a good blazer. One good blazer can replace 3 ill-fitting blazers, jackets, hoodies (yes, blazers should be comfy) and some of your bulky sweaters.

6) Rid yourself of anything that you haven't had time to take to the tailor/cobbler in the past month. If it doesn't fit/is falling apart and you haven't tried to fix it yet, you're not gonna. I can't tell you through how many moves I've lugged these broken shoes around and it's not worth it.

7) Yellow pit stains (or any stain for that matter)? Don't deny 'em, chuck 'em!

8) We've all got some slippers, jewelry, sweater that is just not quite our style and we keep it around because it's not polite to re-gift. Now is the time to let it be someone else's style. Liberate it!

9) Special occasion dresses. Some girls like to go out and buy a new dress for every wedding/bar mitzvah/company outting anyway. If you buy new for every occasion, then cycle out the old. If you like to recycle (I do), then limit yourself to the perfect LBD (little black dress) and revamp it with accessories and bright heels to switch it up. Guys: pick your one suit or one jacket/pants combo.

10) Keep one purse/shoulder bag at a time. If you're like me, you ditch the old bag when the new one comes along. Either you cycle through your bags seasonally, or you never return to that old one. Either keep 4 seasonal bags in an appropriate size for your lifestyle or just keep the one you currently use until you buy a new one. Promptly toss the old one.

Sometimes we get attached to our stuff. Remember, it's just stuff.

And don't forget to donate your gently used clothes and accessories to a Salvation Army or a Goodwill store to help support organizations that employ people in your community and work towards good causes.

Some other things to do with stuff from your purged closet? Host a clothing swap (my favorite idea!). Give them away to friends. Sell them on eBay or Craigslist.



Picture via. I love that there is someone sitting in a purple dress in the right side of this photo... gotta play dress-up before you through out that bridesmaid dress! And get pictures. Then send them to me. I will blog them. You will be famous. It's that simple!

How to Motivate Yourself to Do Something You Dont Want to do

... like running, working, dieting, making a stressful phone call, breaking up with your boyfriend, swallowing a big non-candy coated pill.





I have a grand friend (shout out Becca Lucado!) who told me about emotional insurance.


Emotional Insurance, you say? Why, yes dear child, you must insure your emotions.


Lets agree that we lack motivation in things that are unpleasant. We have to give ourselves a bit of sweet with the bitter sometimes. Mary Poppins suggests taking a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down.

The idea of emotional insurance is to set goals for yourself and then have a reward waiting for you on the other side. Don't trick yourself to keep going beyond your set limits, you'll never trust yourself then and motivation will be even harder. Pat yourself on the back for meeting your goal and allow yourself the indulgence of positive reinforcement.

The next time you have to call your grandmother and explain why you are still single and not as successful as your siblings tell her you only have 30 minutes. Cut her off in the middle of her rant on the grocer's produce section after half an hour, tell her you have to go and then go take a bubble bath while The Used blares from your computer speakers.

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