An Extra Treat: Marion Cannon Schlesinger

Marion, Marion, Marion.

"But there are strong women everywhere whether they have higher education or not! There have always been strong women. 

This idea that feminism was created in the last twenty years is ridiculous. When you think of all the women that went across the continent in covered wagons. Really. It's ridiculous. It's a lot of baloney. If they'd read a little history, they'd find out that women have been powerful characters all through the history of the United States."

Read her fascinating story here.

FIF: Like Bacon, A Lil Frontin' Goes A Long Way

Because, Katy.

Because, she sounds a little "Stevie" here, right?

Happy Friday, Kidlets. 

If you're reading this, you've made it. That's all we asked of each other this week, right? I know I set out to just survive the week, making one package of bacon last 'til Thursday for dinners (bacon sandwiches, pasta carbonara, etc.) and we did it folks. You, me and bacon. We did it.

I'm too tired to front my usual professionalism at work, so I spent the first 30 minutes sitting in a friend's office sharing cookies and tales of social anxiety. I'm listening to Katy Perry. My hair's curly. It's really real, guys.

I like to keep up appearances at the office. I work with mostly conservative men who have technical degrees while I'm a liberal lady (ha!) with a liberal arts degree. Basically, a f'ing uphill battle. 

In place of puppy calendars I hang my targets from the shooting range. In place of telling them I listen to KP, I say it's all NPR AllTheTime (which isn't a lie, but they think it's too Left anyway). In place of white wine I drink beer or scotch or ... whatever they're drinking! 

Fitting in isn't about losing myself, it's about getting ahead. And I think I've done well. 

In my review my boss told me he can never tell what I'm thinking (excellent) and that my generation is so serious (well, at least I am) and that I blew his mind when I compared my Recession Generation to the Depression Generation (imagery, fools!). 

On Wednesday I wore a skirt, but I spoke clearly and with authority during my presentation. A 'la "I'm a lady, but I can play this game!"

But guys, bacon time is over.

I am getting back to me. 

And next week, I'm getting back to my roots with my family and some lovey dogs. 

How was your week? Have you ever tried to fit in to get ahead? 

In Your FACE, 3rd Week of November!

Hey kidlets,

This week will be one of power suits and Airborne shots.
It will be full of meetin's-on-meetin's-on-powerpoints.
It will be like what I assume the real life of this awesome blogger is,
(psst, she is one of those girls who does it ALL and has great hair... um... how!?).

Monday: Annual Performance Review
Tuesday: Meeting with CEO to discuss charitable giving
Wednesday: AllDayMeeting. Like, "in" before the breakfast arrives, "out" after we pay the check at dinner.
Thursday: Meeting the ladies from the society (pretentious, much?)
Friday: Freakin' take an inhale for like two seconds!

This isn't the norm for me, but I must admit I do like it. I like being busy. I like having a lot of balls in the air. I like feeling a tickle in my throat and hoping it's just nerves/allergies feeling mostly well and alert.

I'll be wearing my newest, most wonderfully tailored suit on Wednesday to give me extra confidence. It's like this one only solid navy.

And who knows, maybe I'll get some good news on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. And if not, at least I get some awesome meals on Wednesday.

How's your week shaping up? Do you like being busy?

(Did you get a flu shot? I'm wondering if I should... this throat tickle is scaring the bejesus out of me.)

Coffee Lobotomy, Blood Letting and Integrity

Someone in the office switched the regular I drink with a very similarly packaged decaf. So I've been running on sugar pills for god-knows how long.

I tried to make the best of this zombie state by reading some articles before getting down to business. This one sure perked me up.

20 Things 20-Year-Olds Don't Get

As a 20-something I was anxious to see what my older colleagues supposedly think of me. I'll leave the explanations back at the URL above and just put my two cents in below each section.

Time is Not a Limitless Commodity

I hear ya. I feel like I've always been way behind where I should be. Don't elicit any more panic than I already give myself.

You’re Talented, But Talent is Overrated

I often feel that if I could just get an interview that I'd get the job. I think I am good on paper but great in person. The thing is, I got a liberal arts degree and worked nothing-jobs right after college. I've wasted a lot of time and have nothing to show for it. See panic above.

We’re More Productive in the Morning
Yup. Unless someone switches the regular for decaf. 

via

Social Media is Not a Career 

It's basically my career right now. Sadly, I know this article is right. See panic above.

Pick Up the Phone

I know who to call on the phone and to whom to write an email. I work with a lot of nerds who stumble over "um's" and "err's" when  woman talks to them. Eye contact is hard, yo. So sometimes I give them a break and let them write it out. Like a sober Ragesh on The Big Bang Theory.

Be the First In & Last to Leave 

A few years ago I had an 8 - 5 job with no potential for overtime. I was early the first week of work just to make sure I didn't have any surprises with my commute and to best time the trains. After I was very comfortable with it, I only got in 5 minutes before 8 or right at 8. I was never late, mind you, when she pounced on me with passive aggressive questions like: 

"Is something wrong this morning?"

"No, why?"

"I just wondered why you were late."

"It's 8 though."

"If you're on time you're late."

Noted.

In my current job I am usually the first one in from the 8 AM crowd in my department - and my arrival is usually 10+ minutes before the hour. Others come in at 7:15 and leave early. 

Don’t Wait to Be Told What to Do 

Absolutely. If you finish a task, ask for another one.

Take Responsibility for Your Mistakes

I made some big mistakes in my job. And I owned up to them and called the person that was most affected by them and told him he could verbally lash the shit out of me. He sorta did. Then he sorta respected me and backed off. It was like a prison fight. Then I shut the door to my office and did not let one person see me cry.*

You Should Be Getting Your Butt Kicked

And I have. By the person above who reamed me so badly on a conference call (before I had a chance to explain) myself that the others on the call called me later to see if I was ok. And they didn't even work for our company. And by the she-boss above who thought I could read her mind about being in at 7:30 every workday instead of 8. And by the same she-boss who, when I asked for a performance review, seemed shocked that one of her two employees would need some of her valuable time to discuss career path, compensation and various grievances. Oh, I hope I've paid my dues in this department.

A New Job a Year Isn’t a Good Thing ­­

I thought you said time was not a limitless commodity? I get why one should show commitment by not bouncing around when the going gets tough/boring, but what about moving forward? Don't you think that some employees know that a certain job isn't working out within a year? Or that they can't grow beyond their role, regardless of time?

People Matter More Than Perks
Amen. One could lay brick or reroof (two of the hardest jobs, I hear) with the right crew. 

Map Effort to Your Professional Gain 

And if you're not on track, are you allow to leave that job? See first and tenth points.

Speak Up, Not Out 

I'm guilty of this one, folks. I get frustrated but I'm too timid to go to my boss and tell him sometimes. And I often wonder if it will only hurt me if I voice frustration. I wonder if it will make me look like a complainer or not a team player. This is sorta the reason I was so tired yesterday after meetings (or was it the decaf). My boss was asking our team how we viewed the current climate of the company. He said in no uncertainty that he wanted an honest chain of communication and no surprises from his staff. Out of the two of us in the meeting, I was the only one to air concerns. And how could there not be some legitimate concerns? Our boss took us to lunch for no reason and that never happens.

You HAVE to Build Your Technical Chops 

No argument there. I have a smattering of random skills on my resume from working several admin, office manager and creative positions. I am perfectly suited for no job in particular. Hurray!

via, but I actually don't mind confrontation at all. 

Both the Size and Quality of Your Network Matter 

I am terrible at networking. I am an introvert and, although I have friends and can meet new people without feeling shy, I just prefer to live in my own head-space. When given a choice between a young professionals happy hour and getting an extra hour of sleep, I'll usually choose sleep. Unless I can make the happy hour into a game (like, beat your friends in how many business cards from people in khakis can you collect in under an hour), which I do enjoy. Networking alone is not enough for me to meet new people.

You Need At Least 3 Professional Mentors 

I wish! I have joined a few online communities for young professional women and have gotten squat for mentors**. It's really frustrating. And, as I've eluded to, I've always worked in small environments where the mentor options are your direct boss or their direct boss (which is not the point of a mentor) or shy men who would rather eat their shoe than talk to a woman. I am really disappointed by my current mentor options and would open myself up to any opportunities readers present. Send along the mentors, gals!

Pick an Idol & Act “As If” 

Done. Does it count if it's a character from a fictional setting...?

Read More Books, Less Tweets/Texts 

I'd like to expand this to articles and news . I think reading excellent writing - whether in prose, poetry, news, opinion, fiction or nonfiction - enriches you. Make sure you read at or above your comprehension most of the time, to ensure that you're learning. And read some trash too. You can't fully appreciate Hemingway if you don't indulge in Rowling sometimes.

Spend 25% Less Than You Make 

Done. We fiscally conservative, yo.

Your Reputation is Priceless, Don’t Damage It

I worry about what people think of me all the time. That's why this blog is about as thrilling as a roller coaster to me. I put every exciting/though-provoking/raw/judgmental/stupid/unproven/mumbo-jumbo thing out there and hope to hope that I can keep blood-letting and my integrity. The extent to which I worry about my personal reputation is nearly crippling. I have had long bouts of low self esteem throughout my life, so I don't think that I'll worry about ruining my professional reputation. It will only keep me from blogging and that will keep me from living. 

---

*I'd also like to add: Never let them see you cry!

**Unless my husband counts. I blab to him and ask his advice over drinks all the time. 

Crafting = Crapting

I am not a real girl because I don't like:

Glitter - it sticks to everything and I'm not 12 or a stripper... or a 12 year old stripper (yikes!)
Shopping in person - I hate crowds, schlepping and trying things on*
Talking on the phone - letters, people. Holla at me, post office!

and

F-ing Craftin'.

Why does every chick want to make string necklaces, ombre jeans and hand painted plates?

Painting your own stationery is pretty cool, but I am not good at tactile homemaking.  I'll leave that to the professionals or anyone who wants to hand paint me some 3x4 beach scenes.

Riddle me this:

What does one DO with those cute strings of bunting, braided t-shirt bracelets and tin cans wrapped in burlap once the crafting has ended?
Does everyone in you life get a home-woven basket of trinkets every quarter?
Do you throw it out**?
Do you decoupage shoe boxes to store said crafts as a shrine to your creativity, your dexterity, your ability to follow Pinterest instructions that leave out crucial steps like "cure overnight!" or "cut a buffer border of 1/2 inch!"***.

And Pinterest. You betrayed me.

I used to be able to get on there and read funny SomeECards. Get jealous of shoes I can't afford and ornate windows I'll never peer from. I follow writers I like who put up intelligent quotes in appropriate fonts over white-washed photography of a woman with tousled hair and a smirk. There are vegan recipes and health articles about protesting GMOs.

But now everyone's an artist. Everyone's a crafter.****

I made the mistake of entering a contest to win a beach cruiser bike that required me to "follow" 7 new pinners.

Have mercy.

I cut that shit right out because ain't nobody got time to turn a bathmat into a "stylish" purse. Even if I do get a cute, free bike in the end.

---
*I almost always get makeup smears on whatever shirt I pick out and I feel bag when I either put it back on the rack or have to spot-treat it when I get home.
**Is "crapting" about the journey?
*** You're a G.D. hero.

**** If you like crafting and your crafts are your income or emotional outlet, more power to ya. Just don't send me any macreme belts.

End Demand Illinois

I saw this sign on the back of a bus on yesterday.

Which is strange, because I read this article Wednesday.

The topic has come up in conversations about whether it should be legal. Prostitution, not trafficking. So it can be safer. So it can be regulated.

I'm against legalization of prostitution with a sort of radiating combo of pity and hatred. I can somehow feel it in my spine when people get nonchalant about it. I can't totally explain why I hate it, but I can't stop thinking, "That's someone's child."

Some women chose to get into that profession, but most are coerced. Or they're adolescents. Or they're drugged up (their decision or someone else's). I think that's why I hurt in my bones over this issue.

I'm really happy to see that the media is turning its eyes on others involved in these crimes. Whether it should be legal or not, prostitution is illegal for now. And human trafficking is and should always be illegal. So however you look at it, we need to be taking a broader view of prostitution. We need to look at the puppeteers above the stage and the shadowed faces in the crowd - not the just dolls on strings.

Flip-It Friday: Blogging is like singing with headphones in... in prison.

A friend was picking my brain (ew!) about blogging lately and said I could re-purpose the whole shebang for a blog post. Lucky me, luck you.

What is your view of personal blogging in general? 
I like posts that share personal stories, teach us something and/or have a good plot to them. I don't like blogs that are:
- all about someone's outfit of the day/hair products/well-designed inspiring quote from an author they've never read.
- not well edited. Good writers are only made so by good editing. Brevity is an art form in itself!
- have no tension or conflict (Your mom* may be the only one who wants to hear about the errands you ran today or what you ate for lunch.)
- have conflicting viewpoints (One cannot post about budget finds from a store supplied by sweatshops alongside lipstick that stops human trafficking.)

Though, I don't have to have anything in common with the writer (Orange County mom of 4) to love how they write and what they write about.

Why do you do it? 
Because I'm a middle child and I have the deep-seeded need to be heard... and social media makes it so easy to feel like a star! Seriously, though, I do it because writing and thinking are synonymous to me. It's how I process life. And its probably why I've retracted some things (hello, Kony 2012) as I learn and evolve. I have such a habit of thinking in a writing format (i.e. full sentences, editing as I go, picking words that sound good to me) and I now write blog posts in my head while walking the dog, brushing my teeth, sitting in traffic. Not all on-the-go thinking gets written down, but I do get the satisfaction of knowing that the thought has been thought. Ya know?

How do you disconnect from readers and just write what you want? Or do you struggle with that? This has been a process. It's trial and error. I often think,"My dad is going to read this" and that keeps me from going overboard. Although, I do write about politics, religion and women's health so much that it's a wonder he still reads. I think he comes for the pictures of Roo. Which is also a good point - throw in some cute dog pics and people will forgive you!

You mentioned in one post you "don't feel safe in your own blog" since family members got the address, how real is that concern? Does it effect what you write? 
How I felt in that scenario is how one feels when they've been caught dancing and singing while wearing headphones. And I believe that some family has stopped reading because of that. Oh well. Again, its the "processing" thing I mentioned above. I had not shared my URL with many people when the Mr. thought he was doing me a PR favor by handing it out. I felt violated. Like someone had been reading my middle school diary. I can't write about some things because the situations are too specific for me to generalize with fake names and locations. Unfortunately some of my best/worst thoughts cannot be expressed because of the people involved. It is restrictive, but I keep going and honestly think that it's better this way. Everything written online is out there forever so it's better that I censor myself. Plus, I've been able to use my blog to leverage freelance opportunities now.

What is your view of writing things that offend people? (like you said you did sometimes) Does that make you nervous or do you just not care? 
Blogging is like prison. Beat someone up right away and no one will mess with you. (J/K... I think). I'm as bold online as I am in real life. I'm not afraid of tough conversations or confrontations. I've gotten into it with another blogger before. Not badly, but we did exchange snarky comments. I realized then that I need to speak my piece on MY blog. Instead of leaving inciting comments on someone else's blog, I can use those points to launch into a counter-post on my site. I get to control the content and they get to ignore my criticism. Win, win.

How much time do you spend on it (mental head space as well as executing posts)? 
Some posts are 15 minutes, some are an hour. If there are a lot of pictures or if the post is on a sensitive topic, I like to spend more time on them. If I spend more than an hour I know I haven't perfected the idea and I save the post in drafts. I stick by my idea of brevity.

Do you have any goals, like to get more readers? Comments? 
I used to watch the pageviews more. I had goals to get more comments too. But I don't have sponsors and I don't make any money on my site. If I did, I think I'd be worried about the numbers more - but I also wouldn't be able to write about whatever I want. The difference between a hobby and a job-by is the paycheck, right? I think I'll forgo monetary strings to be able to rant for now.

So why do/would YOU blog? 

Or have I just scared you?

This doesn't scare me (maybe it does?). And it has nothing to do with this post. I just hope in my heart of hearts that this is how they dress at home.

---
*Your mom!

Boo YAH!

I beat over half of the participants from my company and shaved 5 minutes off of my time from last year. 

I've tasted victory and it's not sweet... it tastes like Jimmy Johns. 

In The Darkness, Anything Could Happen

This post is about a social/political issue. If you want to skip it, just listen to the song and move on.

Three people in my life have shared with me that they've had at least one abortion in their life. 

[Pause]

And those are just the ones who have shared that information. 

A high school friend shared this blog post on Facebook. I encourage you to read it. The rest of this post will seem like painful wax poetic if you don't (although, it still might... but I'm taking back my blog!).

I, too, have gone through an evolution on this subject of abortion. Through second-hand experience and gut feeling. I've shamefully, ignorantly,  had visceral hate towards both sides of the argument in my life. 

But I can say that from the people I've known ... that this isn't a straight line issue. My friends were all different (in location, age, socioeconomic status, spirituality, etc.), but they all had emotional trauma leading up to an abortion. They've all not been loved well. They aren't accepted and they don't accept themselves. There's always discouragement. 

My friend's histories are complex and the reasons may vary, but there is one consistent thing missing: love. Or if you're not into that, at least compassion.

As long as this issue is too taboo for the reasonable and too easy a joust for the extreme, nothing will be brought to light to address the wellness of its victims. 

And in the darkness, anything could happen. 

Tipsy Tuesdays: Journaling

In my teens I made a bet with a friend to journal over the summer every day. We said that if one of us could not keep up with a journal entry a day for the entire summer vacation, the loser would buy the winner a candy bar.

I think we were both diligent kids and both kept our promise to journal.

I have no idea if that girl still journals today, but I know I've sure fallen off of the wagon.

Journaling helped me through quite a bit as a kid. I even wrote my persuasive comm speech on it in college. And for a while I thought that blogging like this was journaling.

Heck, no.

I can't say whatever I want to here, without consequences  So, for the next month I'm going to commit to spending time journaling once a day.

My journal for the next month. No peeking, roommates!

I may write about my day (middle school!), make some lists (boring), draw my feelings (weird, but ok) or just try and decompress or figure things out.

I'll still write here and it will be as compelling as ever (womp, womp), but I want to make sure I'm giving my brain time to breathe and my hand a chance to cramp up (handwriting is hard, yo!).

What do you do for you every day? What helps you unwind? Do you want to commit to doing with me over the next month (til May 15th if you need an end date)? Running daily? Calling someone special every day? Replacing TV with yoga and a Fresca*?

*Downward dog after the Fresca. Trust me. You do not want to be inverted after a can of that sweet, refreshing bubbly.

Why I Won't #Ask4More Today

Today, April 9th, is Equal Pay Day. It symbolizes how far into 2013 women have to work to earn what men did in 2012.

But I won't be asking for any more today. Or this week. Or this month. Here's why:

I know my company.
Good or bad, I'm privy to some very tough and telling conversations. I know that my company is not going swimmingly right now, more like just floating. I know that some have lost their jobs and others have taken pay cuts to keep us going. I am not about to ask for more when I know others are being given less and less.

I know my industry.
The construction industry is not all the way back to normal yet. I know that labor jobs are coming back, but those are the first to go and the first to come back. They are relatively cheap for builders and architects while professional services, such as my company, are more expensive and not always brought back into the fold at the same rate.

I know my bosses.
I am valued and respected at my job. I have received inflation based raises since starting here and given opportunities that others haven't. They wouldn't do me dirty.

I have earned other perks.
I get things that are arguably better than money. I get a day to work at home once a week (hello, hair appointments and open grocery checkouts!). I am learning design with tutorials and materials on the company dime. I can expense lunches I have with interviewees. When I asked for a medication to be covered by our insurance, HR got it done. I have full design and editorial license in our blog, newsletter, Facebook and other materials. I am given a long, loose leash.

Thanks for posting this, Chelsey!

I think that women are undervalued in the workplace, I do. I know that not everyone is being paid what they should be, but that doesn't mean that everyone can demand a raise. If your company cannot give you a raise, see if there are other perks you can get. Negotiate a lifestyle, not a salary and if that includes money adjustments, so be it. Asking for more money when you know your company isn't in a good place can show that you are obtuse, unprofessional and not a team player.

Will you be asking for a raise this week? Do you negotiate things outside of your salary?

Advice on Dealing with Workplace Rumors

As a women who prefers to work with men - and introverted nerdy ones at that! - I'll be the first to say that working with women has a whole different set of challenges compared to working with men.

The one job in my career that I outright hated was one where my boss and coworkers were mostly women. Not that working with women is always going to be bad for me (I work with some great women now), but feminine work relationships can come with unique predispositions*:

1. What women say, in words, can be different - even the opposite - of what women mean, in tone
2. Women may invite too close of a personal relationship at work which makes them vulnerable**
3. Women gossip
4. Women take things personally and react emotionally
5. Competition looks different for women (Hey, Jealousy!) and may cause some surprising fallout
6. B#tches be crazy

A male aquaintence of mine works with a good mix of men and women. He explained to me how he's going through some drama at work and doesn't know how to get things back to normal after some, in hindsight, awful gossip (point 3).

Seeking my advice, he told me the story about how a few rumors about a fellow coworker - let's call her Bathsheba*** (points 1, 3) told to him by a couple of people - Miriam and Aaron - (point 2) and some eye-witness evidence of said rumor led him to believe the rumor was true(1). He went on to say that the rumor came up in conversation with another women - Hagar (1,2,3,4,5,6) and he repeated it. My friend was the last free-link in the chain as Hagar took the rumor to Bathsheba herself. He explained how
Bathsheba is now speaking to Miriam and Aaron (5), but not him (4).

My friend apologized in email, but couldn't apologize in person to Bathshebe as she was still mad (1, 4, 6). I suggested that he ask her to go to lunch again and let her get all of her anger out (6) - without trying to justify or point the blame on anyone else (5). I hope it works.

As a girl who's lived through the ongoing Middle School that is real life, I feel sorry for men that have to deal with this type of bull crap. But, of course, we can all be the captains of our own ship. Avoiding such social icebergs is always the best option, so here's my advice for prevention.

1. If anyone comes to you with information that is either not their own to share and is not good information, tell them to either can it or see HR. 
2. Unless your participation is legally mandatory (hello, subpoena!), plead the fifth when juicy gossip comes up.
3. You should only address a colleagues's personal problem at work if it meets these criteria:

• It is affecting their performance or someone else's and/or is illegal AND
• You are prepared to march right over to HR after you speak to them directly - something that is big enough for you to intervene, is big enough to involve HR OR
• They reach out to you

Otherwise in the words of Salt N' Pepa,  it's none of your business.

via

*These are generalizations and will not apply to all women. Some may apply to men.
** Vulnerability isn't bad, but letting your guard down and then making enemies is
*** We're watching the History channel's The Bible and I didn't want to use a name of anyone I'd ever met.

Flip-It Friday: (up)Date Me!

Five things from me:

1) I changed the look and title of my blog a bit. I am looking to simplify. Here, at home, in my mind. I am vowing not to bring anything else into my home that isn't completely necessary and well thought-out. (Those pillows I was going to recover? gone. Those pants that I never wear? gone. Those abstract art pieces that I was going to paint? Fu-get-uh-bout-it.)

Source: 24.media.tumblr.com viaKari on Pinterest

2) We are going to see Macklemore this weekend at Purdue, my alma mater. My brother and I (whadup, Greg!) are attending the concert. The Mr. is just hanging with friends in Lafayette. I'm missing my Roo-dog already.

Source: pharosbones.tumblr.com viaMorgan on Pinterest

3) We have a relative staying with us while she gets on her feet in the big city*. We knew it was going to have stressful moments. I don't think I'm surprised, but I am not taking the stress well**. The Mr. and I are both pretty uptight people and have a hard time with disorder. We look each other in the eyes and say, "Where are your Patience Pants?".

4) Some big projects at work have been taken out of my hands. I am relieved to not be held accountable for them anymore, but saddened that I won't carry the baton over the finish line.

5) Not surprisingly, I've been thinking about how women work together (or not) lately. A woman at work is leaving and I'm sad to see her go. I have found out that there is some underlying cattiness among some of the women. I often wonder if they talk about me behind my back the way they talk about others to me. I also have realized that I am somehow a part of a clique that might encourage the cattiness. (I wasn't in the "in" crowd growing up, so this is a weird situation for me. Be kind, people!)

Source: all-things-bright-and-beyootiful.tumblr.com viaAlice on Pinterest

Geese make sense here, right?

This probably makes more sense.

For the flip-it part, share some things with me? Or respond to my five things?

* Unrelated to point 2, promise.
** Does anyone handle stress well?

Flip-It Friday: Budgets, Babies and Bottom-Lines

Happy Friday, friends.

Let me tell you a story about women. And finance. 

When will she stop these topics, you ask? No telling. It's probably all I'll talk about... forever...

Chapter 1 - Is The Nest Egg Eggy Enough?
Yesterday the Mr. and I met with a financial planner. We are pretty good savers and come from humble backgrounds so we know how to live below our means. We have 401k's, a mortgage with a great rate, a new car with low interest, savings and great health insurance benefits. We budget. We limit ourselves. We have fun too (date night tonight!) but don't go really wild.

All that said, if we keep going as we are, we'll only have 59% of our retirement funded by the time we want to retire.

59%

Yowser. I knew we were bringing an adviser in at this stage because we are young, can save a bit more and have plenty of time to invest so our money makes money. We knew we'd need to focus more on the next step of investment, but I'm not sure that I was ready to hear that we were so under on the projection.

Chapter 2 - Look That Baby Monster Right In the Eyes
I've said since I got married that I'm not having children. The Mr. said it too. I'm still on the same page as I was when we got married but I think the Mr. is entertaining the idea of a brood. No harm in thinking about it. I want us both to be open-minded but also honest with each other about what we want.

The more I think about it and force myself to plan ahead (like way head... I mean... this whole post was birthed* from a retirement discussion) the more I add to my honest list of reason not to have children:

- I am not sure I can handle it mentally. I am pretty sure I keep it together during the day because I can be selfish and weird in my free time. If I have to be "on" all the time by being a mother, I may just go crazy.
- I'm selfish about my body and don't know if I can handle all of the changes that occur. I also think this might cause me to go crazy.
- I'm already crazy.
- I worry that between the Mr. and me, our genetic makeup will make for an ugly, broken child.
- I don't want to have children just because that's what people "do". I don't want to be defined by children.
- Adopting solves some of these problems but creates new ones like "what if it hates me" or "what if we never bond"
- I'm not a very affectionate person and would probably raise an antisocial serial murderer

Reasons to have children:
- If I live a long life, will I be lonely? (but again, I'm an introvert and maybe being a lonely old person would be my dream...?)

Source: mimithorisson.com via Joanna on Pinterest

The little girl in this picture is the product of my inability to show affection. 

The little boy is the product of my inability to wear pants at home. 

The woman is not me (who picks rhubarb in a wire basket in a long, flowing white skirt?!).

The dogs are the only likelihood here.

Chapter 3 - The Saddest Realization of All
The saddest of realizations, and one I'm not proud of, is that I fear it will feel like I've failed if I become a mom.

See, having children in Chicago (we don't plan to become suburbanites) is expensive. Daycare, nannies, school, transport, food, after school activities, just putting those kids in hand-me-down Gap could be pricey!

With my career trajectory, education and skills its very possible that the cost of childcare could swallow up my entire salary - making it useless and even fiscally irresponsible for me to continue working.

I would have to become a stay-at-home mom. I say this is the saddest realization not because being a stay-at-home mom is wrong**, it's just that I would consider myself a failure in the workplace. I don't want the stigma of being a SAHM.

If I translate my abilities into money, I am worthless. (gasp....gasp)

Chapter 4 - Stay With Me, I'm Not a Jerk
The planner we met with yesterday was great. He said that if you add up the value of all the activities of a SAHM, you could arrive at a 6-figure salary, easily! He even said he wants to read Lean In to understand his clients and women's perspectives more. How nice.

But it didn't make it easier to see a sheet of paper with the Mr's numbers on it lying next to my sheet of paper with my numbers - mere fractions by comparison!

The only numbers I lead the Mr. in? Life expectancy. Womp womp :(

So, friends, what do you think? Why did/would you have children? Do you have a hard time disconnecting your self-worth to your bottom line? Do you have another perspective on the working mom vs. Stay-at-home mom debate?

---
*Baby pun, check!
**It's totally not! Don't hate me!

In case my last post was too mean, here's someone else being mean about something completely different!

In case my last post was too mean, here's someone else being mean about something completely different!

A tablet so easy a woman could use it!

"The Tablet comes preloaded with applications so you can just turn it on and log in to cooking recipes or yoga," Mani Nair, Associate Vice President for Marketing at Eurostar Group, told theJerusalem Post. "It makes a perfect gadget for a woman who might find difficulties in terms of downloading these applications and it is a quick reference."

Flip-It Friday: Business Cards

I have a business card, but it's for my day job (womp, womp!).

I'm thinking about getting cards made for my blog/personal email/personal phone and wondered...

Is that weird? I mean. I make no money off of this blog and I'm not sure what I'm trying to accomplish with business cards for it*.

Would I make it even weirder if I put my face on the back of the card? Like a photo... not a cartoon**.  You know, cause it's hard to remember everyone you met at a function and it would help me stand out.

Is this as kitschy as mommy-cards?

I'm not as cute as this otter, but my mom said that I should put my face on my resume! Of course, she has to say that. 

*Who am I kidding. I hope to just pass them out at networking events, make-it-rain style, and be discovered as a hilarious, no-nonsense writer. 

**Or maybe it should be a cartoon of me. That would be awesome!

Flip-It Friday: Networking

Last night I went to the anniversary event for The Everygirl. I was one of over 300 people there celebrating their first year of blog success.

All of these women are my peers. We're in our 20's-30's, creative, driven, city-dwellin' (or wannabes) and all of us were putting our best feet forward. I swear half of the girls were bottle-blonde with the same red shade of NARS lipstick and the other half were raven-haired girls with nonseasonal tans*. I fall in neither of those categories, but I certainly did try to look professional and cute at this event. [Check out the GPOY on my instagram --->

Heat wave?

Within the first 15 minutes, I actually got to meet one of the creators of the site (Hi Alaina!). I just called her name when she was clearly searching the crowd for someone else. Lucky for me, she obliged my stalking. Even luckier that she asked for my card**.

As the party filled up, I found myself having a hard time trying to meet the other creator (Hi Danielle!). As I was there alone, I didn't want to be awkwardly scanning the room for the next 1.5 hours just for an opportunity to connect with other women. Like this bear --->

So I found two girls that also got the early-bird gift bags and who didn't look too intimating (read: not wearing an unusual amount of sequins for early evening, not 7 feet tall, willing to make eye contact with me) and asked:

"Hey, have you girls checked out what is in the gift bags yet?"

"Yeah, they have those new kind of hair ties that are supposed to not crease your hair."

"Oh yeah? I got one of those in a Birchbox once."

"That's how I first got mine! I get Birchbox too."

Bam. People to talk to (Hi Alexis/Alexa [I'll admit that I didn't hear your name over the DJ] and Amanda!).

Picking up girls is harder as you get older. I used to go out with my guy friends when I was single and have a ton of fun helping them hit on girls at bars. Girls talking to girls is so disarming. And when all you have to do is compliment their shoes to start a conversation, it can be so easy and rewarding.

I really enjoyed talking to those girls. They were interesting and we started joking how they are spys (they work for the Federal Reserve). I would have stuck around to see if I could talk to anyone else or share my blog info, but I was exhausted from meeting just three new people.

So, how do you do it? How do you network? Does it wear anyone else out?

Images:

Source: memecenter.com via Rindi on Pinterest

Source: bloomingdales.com via Danielle on Pinterest

*Not hatin'. I just saw root on the blondes and tan lines on the brunettes.
** Note to self: get personal cards made up SOON.

change

Source: yfrog.com via Gabriel on Pinterest

Mmm-mm. You go on, Brother G.B.S.

Admit when you are wrong and change.

I am quick to see the need for change in others. When to cut our losses. When to choose another path. When to curb a behavior.

Imma gonna take a moment of introspection and see where I can be "capable of change."

Join me?

Beauty, for you!

Because you and I need something pretty to remember while drudging through this last weekday.

I love this collection of glassware. I'd never have it in my home though because I feel like the chaos of so many glasses would overwhelm me. We already have too many cups. Watch me break some on accident now that I've said that.

...

What a week, huh?

My company is absorbing a sister company and it's all coming to a head this week and next week.

And I'm supposed to be on vacation on Monday

And my boss is out all this week with cancer-surgery (stay strong, D!).

And the reason our printer isn't calling me back is because she... died.

And I overheard the COO say "Oh, J's in charge of everything. I'm just backing her up."

[cue breathing into a paper bag and nightmares]

Last night was the first night since starting this job that I said to S

"I don't want to go to work tomorrow."

And not because of the job, because of the obstacles. 

I feel like a lot is riding on me and I'm "earning my stripes".

I've already had to admit that I've been wrong - twice.

I've had to change course a few times.

I've had to get seriously business-y with some vendors. (read: bitchy-business)

I've asked tough questions.

Put feelings away.

And laughed in the face of death.

I've also center-aligned this whole post. 

Like I said. What a week, huh?

Gossip: Casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.

Rumors. Idle talk. Sensational, personal report about others.

We've all done it.

Talked about someone, while they aren't around, to make conversation.

Shared something we've heard to further a rumor.

Made speculative conversation to paint another in a certain light.

Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

-Matthew 5:37

So when I read this article about "good gossip", I sorta flew off. 

There is no "good gossip". 

Participating in conversations that foster speculative truths is harmful. Even if the information could be true. Even if the person deserves it. Whoever decides that, anyway. 

If you are the sharer-of-the-news, consider not coloring other's views with your own. If you are the listener, consider not allowing your views to be colored.

And what good would come from spreading good news if it isn't true? That could damage your credibility!

Make an effort to share only your own news or only things that you know to be true and edifying, uplifting things. 

Maybe if the title was "spreading good, true news at work could be beneficial to your career" instead of “being a gossip girl at work is a good thing", I'd have given their article some consideration.

But I suppose my suggested headline wouldn't be as "sensational".