FIF: Like Bacon, A Lil Frontin' Goes A Long Way

Because, Katy.

Because, she sounds a little "Stevie" here, right?

Happy Friday, Kidlets. 

If you're reading this, you've made it. That's all we asked of each other this week, right? I know I set out to just survive the week, making one package of bacon last 'til Thursday for dinners (bacon sandwiches, pasta carbonara, etc.) and we did it folks. You, me and bacon. We did it.

I'm too tired to front my usual professionalism at work, so I spent the first 30 minutes sitting in a friend's office sharing cookies and tales of social anxiety. I'm listening to Katy Perry. My hair's curly. It's really real, guys.

I like to keep up appearances at the office. I work with mostly conservative men who have technical degrees while I'm a liberal lady (ha!) with a liberal arts degree. Basically, a f'ing uphill battle. 

In place of puppy calendars I hang my targets from the shooting range. In place of telling them I listen to KP, I say it's all NPR AllTheTime (which isn't a lie, but they think it's too Left anyway). In place of white wine I drink beer or scotch or ... whatever they're drinking! 

Fitting in isn't about losing myself, it's about getting ahead. And I think I've done well. 

In my review my boss told me he can never tell what I'm thinking (excellent) and that my generation is so serious (well, at least I am) and that I blew his mind when I compared my Recession Generation to the Depression Generation (imagery, fools!). 

On Wednesday I wore a skirt, but I spoke clearly and with authority during my presentation. A 'la "I'm a lady, but I can play this game!"

But guys, bacon time is over.

I am getting back to me. 

And next week, I'm getting back to my roots with my family and some lovey dogs. 

How was your week? Have you ever tried to fit in to get ahead? 

In Your FACE, 3rd Week of November!

Hey kidlets,

This week will be one of power suits and Airborne shots.
It will be full of meetin's-on-meetin's-on-powerpoints.
It will be like what I assume the real life of this awesome blogger is,
(psst, she is one of those girls who does it ALL and has great hair... um... how!?).

Monday: Annual Performance Review
Tuesday: Meeting with CEO to discuss charitable giving
Wednesday: AllDayMeeting. Like, "in" before the breakfast arrives, "out" after we pay the check at dinner.
Thursday: Meeting the ladies from the society (pretentious, much?)
Friday: Freakin' take an inhale for like two seconds!

This isn't the norm for me, but I must admit I do like it. I like being busy. I like having a lot of balls in the air. I like feeling a tickle in my throat and hoping it's just nerves/allergies feeling mostly well and alert.

I'll be wearing my newest, most wonderfully tailored suit on Wednesday to give me extra confidence. It's like this one only solid navy.

And who knows, maybe I'll get some good news on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. And if not, at least I get some awesome meals on Wednesday.

How's your week shaping up? Do you like being busy?

(Did you get a flu shot? I'm wondering if I should... this throat tickle is scaring the bejesus out of me.)

Flip-It Friday: Help Me Write My Performance Review

Hey kidlets, remember this post about my how my boss is sick? Well, my company is approaching performance review time and I find myself writing a really sour-puss review of my job. I have lost a lot of motivation and don't see a light at the end of the tunnel (and don't know if I like what may be at the end of the tunnel). To voice my frustrations, I thought I'd gently let my company know that a number of things have fallen in my lap because of my boss's sickness. Is this petty? Am I just complaining to complain? I hate coming to someone with a problem without a solution to suggest, but I also want my company to know how much I am affected. It may help me gain hope in my future here. Or at least get me some fair compensation and open communication in the mean time.

Here is what I drafted:

I’d be remiss to not also mention the weight that the department has felt from [boss name's] illness. I know I’m the newest [employee] this side of the reception desk, but I care deeply about everyone I work with and want nothing but the best for each. It’s silly in comparison to the actual struggle of dealing with illness firsthand or as a family member. We all care about [boss man] and want him to be healthy. We also all care about the company and want to do the best we can. Sometimes what is good for one’s health is in conflict with what’s good for the company. I have felt put in the middle at times. I've had to make choices that put a strain on me personally and that are none of my business. There is no blame to be doled out, but thought it would be unfair to not assert it.

It should also be noted that my boss has disclosed that in his own performance review he did not hold back from describing the bad taste left in his mouth by some of the poor moral around the company. He explicitly stated that he felt undervalued and that there was a rift forming between the perceived haves and have-nots. My department is sometimes seen as pure overhead and it's both disconcerting and discouraging. Some of my feelings from my draft above may be reflective of trickle-down feelings from my management.

Thoughts?

10 Ways to Tell You've "Developmentally Lept" Into Adulthood

A Developmental Leap is when a person reached a turning point between phases of life and makes a giant step towards growing up. It's exhibited in children by being cry-y, cranky or clingy. In adults* it's exhibited by being cry-y, cranky and get-the-f#ck-off-y.

I've noticed it as such:

1) You pass up worrying about preventing gray hairs and wrinkles for wondering how they show up so quickly and being generally in awe of the transformation. Like one of those pills that, when in water, becomes a towel or a foam dinosaur.

2) You start off conversations with coworkers with the phrase, "My financial planner says..." and you get worried about other people not having a retirement plan. For both their sake and yours. You don't want your tax dollars to compensate for their lack of planning!

3) You get hair cuts with the specific intent to not look like a mom**, not draw attention and not have to spend more than 10 minutes on it***. I got my hair cut last Tuesday and literally NO ONE has said a word about it. Except The Mr, but he's legally required to notice.

4) An invitation to attend an outdoor concert seems like a trick.

5) When you happen to get in a nap, you wake up in a state similar to the twilight between drunk and hung-over and you haven't had a sip of alcohol in days. And yet... it was a wonderful nap! Let's go for broke and call an 8:30 bedtime!

6) Shopping makes you nauseous for a combination of any of the following reasons: prices, sizes, tweens, the general public, florescent lighting, touching those credit card machine buttons with your bare hands or the ease of accessibility to drive-thrus.

7) You scold someone else's unattended children in public and feel no shame. ("Hey hey hey! Watch for cars!")

8) You recognize your own slow-creeping racism/sexism that is birthed from road rage.

9) You notice a hobo pooping in the alley behind your house and, while you are disgusted, you commend him for doing it in some newspapers and at least trying to throw it away. Never mind he placed it in the recycling bin.****

10) You keep a formula letter to the city and/or bookmark the 311 website so that you can easily report downed tree limbs, blacken street lights, graffiti or that damn noise from the neighbors having a party past 10 PM*****.


*Me
**My only real request
***Even for formal occasions
****Have you read "Everybody poops"? You've gotta hand it to him. Or don't. Ew.
*****The. Nerve.

Breaky With The Big Dogs

This morning I went to breakfast with two of the top C-level execs in my company.

"Don't tell (so-and-so-executive-peer) we invited you. He's been trying to get in on our breakfast club for years."

So I met the Big Dogs at 8 AM at a diner that opens early just for them. We chatted over burnt coffee and bacon. We were on a first-name-basis with the woman who ran the front of the house. Cookie brought in home grown tomatoes, which the Big Dogs ordered slices of for us by shouting to the back. I followed suit and ordered everything "smothered in butter". They said I passed the test.

I was new to the crowd and the only one with no business being invited to the meeting. I drank too much coffee and tried to keep my comments to a minimum. They freely discussed company politics and corporate travel high jinks in front of me. It was like dining with the mob! I felt so important!

Flip-It Friday: "Just Trust Me," said the Employer with his hand in your wallet

"Just trust me" should conjure alarm when anyone says it, but when it comes to your employer and your money it's especially concerning.

Allow me to give you a hypothetical* set of circumstances:

• You work for a medium sized, private company that is managed by a board with a majority stock-holder/CEO/President kingpin.
• Said Maj-Stock-Ho/CEO/Prezzy is a bajillion years old and cannot walk without huffin'-shufflin'. 
• Company has just experienced a small defection of top talent due to incongruous business theories**.
• To establish a plan for the future that involves transitioning Maj-Stock-Ho/CEO/Prezzy from his seat-o-power and get the underlings excited about the company, the Powers That Be have informally announced the initiative of an Employee Stock Ownership Plan (ESOP)***.

You with me? I mean "my friend"? I mean you? I mean.... it's hypothetical.****

Moving on.

So I've read up on ESOPs a bit and understand that they can be a great way for a majority stock owner to get out of their stock in a regimented way and enjoy some tax breaks in doing so. It's good for the company because the company gets a flood of cash whenever a stock offering happens and those offerings are like clockwork. It can foster a sense of ownership among employees as their hard work is directly related to the success of the company and therefore increases any ROI.

BUT...

There are some flaws and questions that bubble up here.

• You need to know if this ESOP is tied to your 401k and/or incentive compensation - AND it's questionable whether or not there will be any education on what type of ESOP is coming. In both cases this could mean that instead of YOU getting to chose how to invest your extra income, your company automatically puts all of your deferred retirement/bonus bucks into the same company for which you work. Which brings me to...
• You have all your eggs in one basket. Your retirement, your health insurance, your income! If your job goes away, your life is dramatically affected! Which brings me to...
• How is the stock price determined? Who holds the Powers That Be accountable? Can I get out of the stock when I want to like I can other investments? Which brings me to...
• If the value of the stock has anything to do with the shares available for purchase, does an age top-heavy company (more older folks than younger ones) mean that upcoming retirements will flood the stock pool and therefore devalue the stock for those left behind? Which brings me to....
• What if these unknowns, the age of the board members and executive team, the recent defection of these bright young-uns means that the company is not stable!? Who would buy stock in shaky company!?!?

(Take a deep breath. No real life hyperventilating over hypotheticals*****)


Say you were talking with your boss about this topic and s/he said something like:

"When I like working for a company, I invest in it. It shows that I am invested and good things (i.e. promotions) may happen sooner for me because I show interest."

That's like saying:

"Sure you can cut my left arm off in hopes that one day I'll be famous for being a one-armed juggler. I don't need to see your credentials or diploma on the wall. People live with one arm all the time and I'm right handed anyway! Bring on the circus!"

Ok, maybe an exaggeration, but don't you think that screams: "JUST TRUST ME".

You know who else said, "Trust me?"

Enron.


---
*Real. This is real life. Someone advise me!
**Some bright young stars just left to start their own business because they believe the current executive team is driving the company and workers away from progress.
***The company already has some level of employee ownership. It's just not taken off as some employees have received pay cuts in the past couple years and no one has received bonuses - which used to be how people bought stock.
****Real, soooo real.
*****Someone get me a paper bag!

Move Along, Nothing to See Here

Don't laugh at me when I try something new and fail.

I'll get pissed at you and have a hard time forgetting it.*

Like the time I got dressed as child in all-red-everything. It wasn't cute and I got laughed back into my room and out of going to church.

Like anytime I've attempted to make a serious craft. I plateaued at 10. Let's just buy our needlepoint pillows and driftwood candle holders from now on, shall we?

Like the time I put all commas in an expense report instead of a mix of commas and decimal points and ended up asking Finance to subsidize a $4 million dollar cocktail event.

Go ahead. Laugh if you feel like you should. I'm tired and you're arrogant.

*Read: My ho-hum mind forgets everything. My angry mind forgets nothing and will recall your rude superiority the next time you look weak in front of me.**

**This doesn't apply to the Mr....(Honey, I correct your choice of words because I love you and you're hilarious. And you can correct my blog because you're a gracious, righteously terrified editor.)

What I Learned From My Boss's Illness

I admire my boss very much. He's a respectful, funny, reasonable guy who gives me a lot of autonomy and trusts me.

So when he was faced with a big illness (the kind that makes you really question what's important in life) my first thought was, "Shit. Is he going to die?"
My second thought was , "Shit. What if he dies?!"
My third thought was, "Ok. While we're all waiting for the other shoe to drop, how do we keep going?"

It may not seem like it, but all of those questions are different.

The first one expresses uncertainty. I was concerned for his life and was trying to decide if we could anticipate a dichotomous outcome. A yes or no.

The second question was more open-ended. It was kind of a choose-your-own-nightmarish-adventure. If he did die, how do we proceed? If he doesn't die, what other obstacles aren't we thinking of that may affect him, his work, his family, etc.? As an employee, what am I supposed to be concerned about? How far does my concern go? What questions am I allowed to ask?

The third question was probably the right one to ask as an employee in my situation. The first two are sort of reactive. They bank on me not controlling the inciting action. And they require so much planning for scenarios that cannot be determined ahead of time. By asking, "how do we keep going?" I am allowed to release myself from the guilt of doing anything for his illness directly. I refocus on helping him in the best way I know how - by doing my job.

When I focus on what I can control I ease anxiety on all fronts. He can trust me to just get things done. I can keep myself busy with work that actually matters and alleviate catastrophizing.

While he's been in diagnosis and treatment processes, I've had the chance to really grow. I have made decisions, voiced concerns and gone to bat for him professionally whenever I can. Nothing fell apart while he was in surgery or at home or waiting at a doctor's office. I have had to contact him while he's been in the hospital, but only for the most urgent of things. And he, I think, likes knowing that we can't completely function without him.

Coffee Lobotomy, Blood Letting and Integrity

Someone in the office switched the regular I drink with a very similarly packaged decaf. So I've been running on sugar pills for god-knows how long.

I tried to make the best of this zombie state by reading some articles before getting down to business. This one sure perked me up.

20 Things 20-Year-Olds Don't Get

As a 20-something I was anxious to see what my older colleagues supposedly think of me. I'll leave the explanations back at the URL above and just put my two cents in below each section.

Time is Not a Limitless Commodity

I hear ya. I feel like I've always been way behind where I should be. Don't elicit any more panic than I already give myself.

You’re Talented, But Talent is Overrated

I often feel that if I could just get an interview that I'd get the job. I think I am good on paper but great in person. The thing is, I got a liberal arts degree and worked nothing-jobs right after college. I've wasted a lot of time and have nothing to show for it. See panic above.

We’re More Productive in the Morning
Yup. Unless someone switches the regular for decaf. 

via

Social Media is Not a Career 

It's basically my career right now. Sadly, I know this article is right. See panic above.

Pick Up the Phone

I know who to call on the phone and to whom to write an email. I work with a lot of nerds who stumble over "um's" and "err's" when  woman talks to them. Eye contact is hard, yo. So sometimes I give them a break and let them write it out. Like a sober Ragesh on The Big Bang Theory.

Be the First In & Last to Leave 

A few years ago I had an 8 - 5 job with no potential for overtime. I was early the first week of work just to make sure I didn't have any surprises with my commute and to best time the trains. After I was very comfortable with it, I only got in 5 minutes before 8 or right at 8. I was never late, mind you, when she pounced on me with passive aggressive questions like: 

"Is something wrong this morning?"

"No, why?"

"I just wondered why you were late."

"It's 8 though."

"If you're on time you're late."

Noted.

In my current job I am usually the first one in from the 8 AM crowd in my department - and my arrival is usually 10+ minutes before the hour. Others come in at 7:15 and leave early. 

Don’t Wait to Be Told What to Do 

Absolutely. If you finish a task, ask for another one.

Take Responsibility for Your Mistakes

I made some big mistakes in my job. And I owned up to them and called the person that was most affected by them and told him he could verbally lash the shit out of me. He sorta did. Then he sorta respected me and backed off. It was like a prison fight. Then I shut the door to my office and did not let one person see me cry.*

You Should Be Getting Your Butt Kicked

And I have. By the person above who reamed me so badly on a conference call (before I had a chance to explain) myself that the others on the call called me later to see if I was ok. And they didn't even work for our company. And by the she-boss above who thought I could read her mind about being in at 7:30 every workday instead of 8. And by the same she-boss who, when I asked for a performance review, seemed shocked that one of her two employees would need some of her valuable time to discuss career path, compensation and various grievances. Oh, I hope I've paid my dues in this department.

A New Job a Year Isn’t a Good Thing ­­

I thought you said time was not a limitless commodity? I get why one should show commitment by not bouncing around when the going gets tough/boring, but what about moving forward? Don't you think that some employees know that a certain job isn't working out within a year? Or that they can't grow beyond their role, regardless of time?

People Matter More Than Perks
Amen. One could lay brick or reroof (two of the hardest jobs, I hear) with the right crew. 

Map Effort to Your Professional Gain 

And if you're not on track, are you allow to leave that job? See first and tenth points.

Speak Up, Not Out 

I'm guilty of this one, folks. I get frustrated but I'm too timid to go to my boss and tell him sometimes. And I often wonder if it will only hurt me if I voice frustration. I wonder if it will make me look like a complainer or not a team player. This is sorta the reason I was so tired yesterday after meetings (or was it the decaf). My boss was asking our team how we viewed the current climate of the company. He said in no uncertainty that he wanted an honest chain of communication and no surprises from his staff. Out of the two of us in the meeting, I was the only one to air concerns. And how could there not be some legitimate concerns? Our boss took us to lunch for no reason and that never happens.

You HAVE to Build Your Technical Chops 

No argument there. I have a smattering of random skills on my resume from working several admin, office manager and creative positions. I am perfectly suited for no job in particular. Hurray!

via, but I actually don't mind confrontation at all. 

Both the Size and Quality of Your Network Matter 

I am terrible at networking. I am an introvert and, although I have friends and can meet new people without feeling shy, I just prefer to live in my own head-space. When given a choice between a young professionals happy hour and getting an extra hour of sleep, I'll usually choose sleep. Unless I can make the happy hour into a game (like, beat your friends in how many business cards from people in khakis can you collect in under an hour), which I do enjoy. Networking alone is not enough for me to meet new people.

You Need At Least 3 Professional Mentors 

I wish! I have joined a few online communities for young professional women and have gotten squat for mentors**. It's really frustrating. And, as I've eluded to, I've always worked in small environments where the mentor options are your direct boss or their direct boss (which is not the point of a mentor) or shy men who would rather eat their shoe than talk to a woman. I am really disappointed by my current mentor options and would open myself up to any opportunities readers present. Send along the mentors, gals!

Pick an Idol & Act “As If” 

Done. Does it count if it's a character from a fictional setting...?

Read More Books, Less Tweets/Texts 

I'd like to expand this to articles and news . I think reading excellent writing - whether in prose, poetry, news, opinion, fiction or nonfiction - enriches you. Make sure you read at or above your comprehension most of the time, to ensure that you're learning. And read some trash too. You can't fully appreciate Hemingway if you don't indulge in Rowling sometimes.

Spend 25% Less Than You Make 

Done. We fiscally conservative, yo.

Your Reputation is Priceless, Don’t Damage It

I worry about what people think of me all the time. That's why this blog is about as thrilling as a roller coaster to me. I put every exciting/though-provoking/raw/judgmental/stupid/unproven/mumbo-jumbo thing out there and hope to hope that I can keep blood-letting and my integrity. The extent to which I worry about my personal reputation is nearly crippling. I have had long bouts of low self esteem throughout my life, so I don't think that I'll worry about ruining my professional reputation. It will only keep me from blogging and that will keep me from living. 

---

*I'd also like to add: Never let them see you cry!

**Unless my husband counts. I blab to him and ask his advice over drinks all the time. 

Boo YAH!

I beat over half of the participants from my company and shaved 5 minutes off of my time from last year. 

I've tasted victory and it's not sweet... it tastes like Jimmy Johns. 

Manifesto for Type B Personalities

I've never once heard a successful person label themselves as Type B. They often even explicitly add "Type A" to their resume as if its a superior quality or acquired skill that will help them excel.

I resent that.

I took this online quiz (for what it's worth) about personality types as was nearly in the middle between A and B. I like to identify more with the B personality because I feel it's gotten a bad rap.

To help us all identify with our Type B traits, I thought I'd write a manifesto.

Just because I'm a thinker, doesn't exclude me from being a doer. 

Just because I don't have a hot temper doesn't mean that I can't get rough when I need to.

Just because I am not competitive in a game doesn't mean I won't hesitate to take you on in real life. 

A's can keep their multitasking. I hear its not efficient anyway. 

I don't enjoy winning for the sake of winning, but that doesn't mean I seek to lose. 

I am a big-picture thinker and therefore an even better problem solver. 

I am creative and can think in new ways, which may solve problems even better.

My organizing skills looking different to you, but they exist. 

I don't take on more than I can handle so I can be present in what I do take on.

And that' doesn't mean I don't challenge myself. 

Claiming "workaholic" is like claiming "doormat".

Nothing against Type A Personalities. There are definitely some qualities that are admirable. I just feel that Type B is undervalued or brushed aside too often.

What about you? Do you identify with Type A or B? Or are you somewhere in the middle of the spectrum?

Workaholics via Pinterest

Why I Won't #Ask4More Today

Today, April 9th, is Equal Pay Day. It symbolizes how far into 2013 women have to work to earn what men did in 2012.

But I won't be asking for any more today. Or this week. Or this month. Here's why:

I know my company.
Good or bad, I'm privy to some very tough and telling conversations. I know that my company is not going swimmingly right now, more like just floating. I know that some have lost their jobs and others have taken pay cuts to keep us going. I am not about to ask for more when I know others are being given less and less.

I know my industry.
The construction industry is not all the way back to normal yet. I know that labor jobs are coming back, but those are the first to go and the first to come back. They are relatively cheap for builders and architects while professional services, such as my company, are more expensive and not always brought back into the fold at the same rate.

I know my bosses.
I am valued and respected at my job. I have received inflation based raises since starting here and given opportunities that others haven't. They wouldn't do me dirty.

I have earned other perks.
I get things that are arguably better than money. I get a day to work at home once a week (hello, hair appointments and open grocery checkouts!). I am learning design with tutorials and materials on the company dime. I can expense lunches I have with interviewees. When I asked for a medication to be covered by our insurance, HR got it done. I have full design and editorial license in our blog, newsletter, Facebook and other materials. I am given a long, loose leash.

Thanks for posting this, Chelsey!

I think that women are undervalued in the workplace, I do. I know that not everyone is being paid what they should be, but that doesn't mean that everyone can demand a raise. If your company cannot give you a raise, see if there are other perks you can get. Negotiate a lifestyle, not a salary and if that includes money adjustments, so be it. Asking for more money when you know your company isn't in a good place can show that you are obtuse, unprofessional and not a team player.

Will you be asking for a raise this week? Do you negotiate things outside of your salary?

Advice on Dealing with Workplace Rumors

As a women who prefers to work with men - and introverted nerdy ones at that! - I'll be the first to say that working with women has a whole different set of challenges compared to working with men.

The one job in my career that I outright hated was one where my boss and coworkers were mostly women. Not that working with women is always going to be bad for me (I work with some great women now), but feminine work relationships can come with unique predispositions*:

1. What women say, in words, can be different - even the opposite - of what women mean, in tone
2. Women may invite too close of a personal relationship at work which makes them vulnerable**
3. Women gossip
4. Women take things personally and react emotionally
5. Competition looks different for women (Hey, Jealousy!) and may cause some surprising fallout
6. B#tches be crazy

A male aquaintence of mine works with a good mix of men and women. He explained to me how he's going through some drama at work and doesn't know how to get things back to normal after some, in hindsight, awful gossip (point 3).

Seeking my advice, he told me the story about how a few rumors about a fellow coworker - let's call her Bathsheba*** (points 1, 3) told to him by a couple of people - Miriam and Aaron - (point 2) and some eye-witness evidence of said rumor led him to believe the rumor was true(1). He went on to say that the rumor came up in conversation with another women - Hagar (1,2,3,4,5,6) and he repeated it. My friend was the last free-link in the chain as Hagar took the rumor to Bathsheba herself. He explained how
Bathsheba is now speaking to Miriam and Aaron (5), but not him (4).

My friend apologized in email, but couldn't apologize in person to Bathshebe as she was still mad (1, 4, 6). I suggested that he ask her to go to lunch again and let her get all of her anger out (6) - without trying to justify or point the blame on anyone else (5). I hope it works.

As a girl who's lived through the ongoing Middle School that is real life, I feel sorry for men that have to deal with this type of bull crap. But, of course, we can all be the captains of our own ship. Avoiding such social icebergs is always the best option, so here's my advice for prevention.

1. If anyone comes to you with information that is either not their own to share and is not good information, tell them to either can it or see HR. 
2. Unless your participation is legally mandatory (hello, subpoena!), plead the fifth when juicy gossip comes up.
3. You should only address a colleagues's personal problem at work if it meets these criteria:

• It is affecting their performance or someone else's and/or is illegal AND
• You are prepared to march right over to HR after you speak to them directly - something that is big enough for you to intervene, is big enough to involve HR OR
• They reach out to you

Otherwise in the words of Salt N' Pepa,  it's none of your business.

via

*These are generalizations and will not apply to all women. Some may apply to men.
** Vulnerability isn't bad, but letting your guard down and then making enemies is
*** We're watching the History channel's The Bible and I didn't want to use a name of anyone I'd ever met.

Weekending

Happy Friday, Friends. This weekend I'm taking a solo trip to Louisville. I'll miss S and the dog, but I think I'm really looking forward to some mom/dad/grandparents/cousin time. The long drive will be very head-clearing for me.

But in more current news:

I found this photo on a company server and showed it to our COO, knowing he'd think it was funny.

Turns out, he put it there.

He also had a file on his computer full of clips he'd used in presentations when, as he said, "people weren't so strict about things". He even showed these things "with women in the room".

He proceeded to email me these files, all-the-while snickering in the next room.

He said the only thing that would make this better is if it were a blonde woman*. I said make it an old man trying to perpendicular-park a cane in there. 

Holla at my engineers!

God, I love my job.



*I know that any of the men I work with out take a bullet for me. And not in a "women need protecting" sorta way. In a "she's one of us" sorta way.

Flip-It Friday: (up)Date Me!

Five things from me:

1) I changed the look and title of my blog a bit. I am looking to simplify. Here, at home, in my mind. I am vowing not to bring anything else into my home that isn't completely necessary and well thought-out. (Those pillows I was going to recover? gone. Those pants that I never wear? gone. Those abstract art pieces that I was going to paint? Fu-get-uh-bout-it.)

Source: 24.media.tumblr.com viaKari on Pinterest

2) We are going to see Macklemore this weekend at Purdue, my alma mater. My brother and I (whadup, Greg!) are attending the concert. The Mr. is just hanging with friends in Lafayette. I'm missing my Roo-dog already.

Source: pharosbones.tumblr.com viaMorgan on Pinterest

3) We have a relative staying with us while she gets on her feet in the big city*. We knew it was going to have stressful moments. I don't think I'm surprised, but I am not taking the stress well**. The Mr. and I are both pretty uptight people and have a hard time with disorder. We look each other in the eyes and say, "Where are your Patience Pants?".

4) Some big projects at work have been taken out of my hands. I am relieved to not be held accountable for them anymore, but saddened that I won't carry the baton over the finish line.

5) Not surprisingly, I've been thinking about how women work together (or not) lately. A woman at work is leaving and I'm sad to see her go. I have found out that there is some underlying cattiness among some of the women. I often wonder if they talk about me behind my back the way they talk about others to me. I also have realized that I am somehow a part of a clique that might encourage the cattiness. (I wasn't in the "in" crowd growing up, so this is a weird situation for me. Be kind, people!)

Source: all-things-bright-and-beyootiful.tumblr.com viaAlice on Pinterest

Geese make sense here, right?

This probably makes more sense.

For the flip-it part, share some things with me? Or respond to my five things?

* Unrelated to point 2, promise.
** Does anyone handle stress well?

Flip-It Friday: Budgets, Babies and Bottom-Lines

Happy Friday, friends.

Let me tell you a story about women. And finance. 

When will she stop these topics, you ask? No telling. It's probably all I'll talk about... forever...

Chapter 1 - Is The Nest Egg Eggy Enough?
Yesterday the Mr. and I met with a financial planner. We are pretty good savers and come from humble backgrounds so we know how to live below our means. We have 401k's, a mortgage with a great rate, a new car with low interest, savings and great health insurance benefits. We budget. We limit ourselves. We have fun too (date night tonight!) but don't go really wild.

All that said, if we keep going as we are, we'll only have 59% of our retirement funded by the time we want to retire.

59%

Yowser. I knew we were bringing an adviser in at this stage because we are young, can save a bit more and have plenty of time to invest so our money makes money. We knew we'd need to focus more on the next step of investment, but I'm not sure that I was ready to hear that we were so under on the projection.

Chapter 2 - Look That Baby Monster Right In the Eyes
I've said since I got married that I'm not having children. The Mr. said it too. I'm still on the same page as I was when we got married but I think the Mr. is entertaining the idea of a brood. No harm in thinking about it. I want us both to be open-minded but also honest with each other about what we want.

The more I think about it and force myself to plan ahead (like way head... I mean... this whole post was birthed* from a retirement discussion) the more I add to my honest list of reason not to have children:

- I am not sure I can handle it mentally. I am pretty sure I keep it together during the day because I can be selfish and weird in my free time. If I have to be "on" all the time by being a mother, I may just go crazy.
- I'm selfish about my body and don't know if I can handle all of the changes that occur. I also think this might cause me to go crazy.
- I'm already crazy.
- I worry that between the Mr. and me, our genetic makeup will make for an ugly, broken child.
- I don't want to have children just because that's what people "do". I don't want to be defined by children.
- Adopting solves some of these problems but creates new ones like "what if it hates me" or "what if we never bond"
- I'm not a very affectionate person and would probably raise an antisocial serial murderer

Reasons to have children:
- If I live a long life, will I be lonely? (but again, I'm an introvert and maybe being a lonely old person would be my dream...?)

Source: mimithorisson.com via Joanna on Pinterest

The little girl in this picture is the product of my inability to show affection. 

The little boy is the product of my inability to wear pants at home. 

The woman is not me (who picks rhubarb in a wire basket in a long, flowing white skirt?!).

The dogs are the only likelihood here.

Chapter 3 - The Saddest Realization of All
The saddest of realizations, and one I'm not proud of, is that I fear it will feel like I've failed if I become a mom.

See, having children in Chicago (we don't plan to become suburbanites) is expensive. Daycare, nannies, school, transport, food, after school activities, just putting those kids in hand-me-down Gap could be pricey!

With my career trajectory, education and skills its very possible that the cost of childcare could swallow up my entire salary - making it useless and even fiscally irresponsible for me to continue working.

I would have to become a stay-at-home mom. I say this is the saddest realization not because being a stay-at-home mom is wrong**, it's just that I would consider myself a failure in the workplace. I don't want the stigma of being a SAHM.

If I translate my abilities into money, I am worthless. (gasp....gasp)

Chapter 4 - Stay With Me, I'm Not a Jerk
The planner we met with yesterday was great. He said that if you add up the value of all the activities of a SAHM, you could arrive at a 6-figure salary, easily! He even said he wants to read Lean In to understand his clients and women's perspectives more. How nice.

But it didn't make it easier to see a sheet of paper with the Mr's numbers on it lying next to my sheet of paper with my numbers - mere fractions by comparison!

The only numbers I lead the Mr. in? Life expectancy. Womp womp :(

So, friends, what do you think? Why did/would you have children? Do you have a hard time disconnecting your self-worth to your bottom line? Do you have another perspective on the working mom vs. Stay-at-home mom debate?

---
*Baby pun, check!
**It's totally not! Don't hate me!

Why Shared Office Space is for Scammers

The worst job I ever had was working for a tiny, female Hitler* in a shared office space company.

Although I did not like my boss, the job was not for me at its very core. I could not get behind the business model and saw it as a sort of fleecing of the small/independent business.

Unless you were a crook yourself. We did wonders for crooks.

Allow me to explain.

We rented office space out to small businesses or start-ups. We charged you hefty rent for a small office in the most recognizable building in North America. We provided you phone lines, internet connections, meeting rooms, catering assistance, receptionists (me!), office management (you know, cleaning out the communal fridge), copier/fax/mail/parcel assistance and more. We gave you high quality desks, an amazing address and an impressive brand-new build-out that you could claim was all yours!

Look awesome to clients, impress your mom, have the flexibility to get out of your lease after a year** - What's not to love?

Well first of all, the phones are VOIP and can cut out or get fuzzy. And forget about using your cell phone, this tower is like a trap for cell signal!
Second, the internet connection is unpredictable and the tech on hand (me!) has no experience in fixing it.
Then, there's the fact that we charge you for every little copy you make, every little stamp you take.
We can answer all of your phones, but that'll cost you too.
Meetings? Catering? Water, even? Charge. Charge. Chhhharge!
You can bring high-profile clients to your office, but they may run into some seedy characters along the way.

Speaking of seedy characters, let me just say that this business model worked great for cheap-skates with a thirst for blood.

My most memorable clients were:

... the coked-out, sweaty-pit day traders packed two-kid high in a small office who would fly into a fit of rage when the 'net went out during China's high trading hours (rightfully so!) and then act cool as a cuke when trading was done for the day and they could loiter around the lobby like they owned the joint.

... the bankrupcy lawyer who wasn't clear with anyone on what her real name was, often ditched her clients and wouldn't ever take a call. We couldn't even answer her phone line with her real information. We were just supposed to say "law office". It became very clear what her business was when low-income, marginalized people would call and say they'd sent her payment and paperwork to start the bankruptcy process but they were still getting creditor calls and mail. I am pretty sure she was served some serious court papers while on our watch and we were told to "refuse their delivery".***

... the people who ran a call center out of our office.

... the guy who looked like he was straight-up living in his office but stopped paying his bills and we had to move all of his personal junk out months later. I found a few valtrex in his desk. I was afraid to touch anything else.

... the people who claimed to have the fountain of youth and brought in a million pound body scanner and had a series of self-entitled, bag-a-bones, hoity-toits as clients.

... the owner of the fountain of youth who brought in his hair dresser to cut his hair IN HIS OFFICE. He also had a chauffeur just for Chicago. The man lived in Las Vegas. (See where the fountain of youth stuff comes from??)

... the old smelly guy who couldn't pay his bills and left us with an office full of tuna fish cans.

... the middle-aged guy who thought he could just wear a hat and sunglasses while vacating his office (to dine and ditch, so to speak) during the middle of the day and no one would notice. Sadly, we noticed, but we couldn't physically stop him, so it was pretty sad.

... Every client we had that we let have a mailbox with us but no real services. I mean... what is your business if you can't let people know where you really work!?

So you see, this type of office wouldn't work for everyone. It didn't work for me as an employee and I don't think it would work for me as an entrepreneur.

Have you ever used a co-working or shared office space?

---
* Ironically, she was a Jew. My negative view of her had nothing to do with her being Jewish. It had everything to do with her being really dramatic, two-faced and cynical.

** Instead of the usual corporate leases which run around 10-15 years. 

*** To top it off, the head of the traders and the bankruptcy lawyer had an obvious flirtation going on. G-ross.

Opinions are all my own. I don't represent any other individual or organization. This is my personal experience. I'm sure there are shared spaces out there that work for some people. 

Tipsy Tuesday: Telecommuting

Sorry guys. The car announcement will officially have to wait until tomorrow as the end of working from home is announced at Yahoo.

This whole story hits home for me. I had to investigate and even tune in to the morning shows to watch others talk about it.

Marissa Mayer has announced, through Yahoo HR, that the underdog tech company will discontinue work-from-home options in June of this year.

via

So, if you read the article you see that Yahoo may be in a unique circumstance. They are a creative and collaborative tech company who has a bloated, widespread team that, according to some, abuses telecommuting options.

As I write this I am in my pj's, doing laundry, saving money on parking and a dog walker for the day and working from home*.

I will put in abnormal hours (3 hours here, 1 hour there, 5 hours there), but still get everything done  - and then some. I will have the ability to run errands in the city without the headache of the Saturday or post-5 PM rush. I will let my dog stay out of the crate all day and enjoy breaks where I can do the dishes, cook a healthy meal for dinner, run or exercise (and yes, blog for myself) and STILL GET THE JOB DONE.

I'm all for maximizing our options with technology while making workers happy.

And if that means that you can work from home, God bless it.

And if that means that you cannot be trusted to work from home, then you must report to the office (but why are we hiring people we can't trust, I wonder?).

There are certainly people in my company that may be abusing work from home time. For goodness sake, there was a man who worked in Guam for years and still couldn't come to a tele-meeting prepared.

I think telecommuting should be done with much oversight. Be demanding. Hold people accountable. Don't let their work-from-home options get in the way of good work. And maybe even only allow telecommuting on a case-by-case basis (which is what my company does).

I think it's a good idea to let workers stay home for the cable guy or an out-of-town appointment when necessary (which Mayer says will still be possible at Yahoo), even if they don't get a regular work-from-home day.

So what do you think? Is telecommuting a good idea? Are people misusing that option and giving it a bad name at your company?

*I should note that I have to work from home because some of the sights I have to manage for my job are blocked at work and my company does not like the option of giving me exclusive rights to access them in the office.

Flip-It Friday: Networking

Last night I went to the anniversary event for The Everygirl. I was one of over 300 people there celebrating their first year of blog success.

All of these women are my peers. We're in our 20's-30's, creative, driven, city-dwellin' (or wannabes) and all of us were putting our best feet forward. I swear half of the girls were bottle-blonde with the same red shade of NARS lipstick and the other half were raven-haired girls with nonseasonal tans*. I fall in neither of those categories, but I certainly did try to look professional and cute at this event. [Check out the GPOY on my instagram --->

Heat wave?

Within the first 15 minutes, I actually got to meet one of the creators of the site (Hi Alaina!). I just called her name when she was clearly searching the crowd for someone else. Lucky for me, she obliged my stalking. Even luckier that she asked for my card**.

As the party filled up, I found myself having a hard time trying to meet the other creator (Hi Danielle!). As I was there alone, I didn't want to be awkwardly scanning the room for the next 1.5 hours just for an opportunity to connect with other women. Like this bear --->

So I found two girls that also got the early-bird gift bags and who didn't look too intimating (read: not wearing an unusual amount of sequins for early evening, not 7 feet tall, willing to make eye contact with me) and asked:

"Hey, have you girls checked out what is in the gift bags yet?"

"Yeah, they have those new kind of hair ties that are supposed to not crease your hair."

"Oh yeah? I got one of those in a Birchbox once."

"That's how I first got mine! I get Birchbox too."

Bam. People to talk to (Hi Alexis/Alexa [I'll admit that I didn't hear your name over the DJ] and Amanda!).

Picking up girls is harder as you get older. I used to go out with my guy friends when I was single and have a ton of fun helping them hit on girls at bars. Girls talking to girls is so disarming. And when all you have to do is compliment their shoes to start a conversation, it can be so easy and rewarding.

I really enjoyed talking to those girls. They were interesting and we started joking how they are spys (they work for the Federal Reserve). I would have stuck around to see if I could talk to anyone else or share my blog info, but I was exhausted from meeting just three new people.

So, how do you do it? How do you network? Does it wear anyone else out?

Images:

Source: memecenter.com via Rindi on Pinterest

Source: bloomingdales.com via Danielle on Pinterest

*Not hatin'. I just saw root on the blondes and tan lines on the brunettes.
** Note to self: get personal cards made up SOON.

change

Source: yfrog.com via Gabriel on Pinterest

Mmm-mm. You go on, Brother G.B.S.

Admit when you are wrong and change.

I am quick to see the need for change in others. When to cut our losses. When to choose another path. When to curb a behavior.

Imma gonna take a moment of introspection and see where I can be "capable of change."

Join me?