Tipsy Tuesday: Become an Engineer

Or a nurse. Or an computer programmer. Or an accountant.

I'll stick with engineer because: needles, binary and boring.

In High School I took advanced Science and Math courses, but not English. So, why then, did I choose to go into English (Creative Writing) in college? And tack on Psychology as a minor? Because I wanted to be an advice columnist.

And advice columnist. I'll give you a second to look where you are and realize that this is what's become of my degree.

I gave up my established track in the coveted STEM fields for the Liberal Arts.

Liberal - not bound by authoritarianism
Arts - the conscious use of skill and creative imagination especially in the production of aesthetic objects
Liberal Arts - college or university studies intended to provide chiefly general knowledge and to develop general intellectual capacities as opposed to professional or vocational skills

By definition I shouldn't expect to get a job from the Liberal Arts.
Alternate Title: Social Media is the New Homemaking
AKA. Shit People With Little Education Can Do At Home For No/Low Income*
AKA Twitter = Cross stitch

Did I love taking Pre-Calculus a year early? No. It was hard.

And you bet I got nervous around upperclassmen in Biology II. So much that I stuttered nervously over simple things like genetics diagrams. ("It would have a 25% chance of being a ppppurple ppppeony.")

So what if you got a C in Physics? You know what they call C-grade doctors? Doctors.**

I chose writing and the arts. I stuck to my dreams and now I'm living them. I play Facebook for a day job and consult a thesaurus more than I do my own reasoning. Hopefully I'll get a few years in before my salary caps out or Social Media gives out and I'll have to get to cocoon and rebirth myself as a Creative Director.

Or an Engineer.

--
*Not that you are stupid. Just saying you don't have a to be a genius to do either. And both can trend toward degradation quickly. (LinkedIn is to me what toilets are to June Cleaver.)
**Not endorsing doing substandard work. Just endorsing some practical motivation to do something concrete and maybe hard in your life -  even if you aren't the best at it.

What I Learned From My Boss's Illness

I admire my boss very much. He's a respectful, funny, reasonable guy who gives me a lot of autonomy and trusts me.

So when he was faced with a big illness (the kind that makes you really question what's important in life) my first thought was, "Shit. Is he going to die?"
My second thought was , "Shit. What if he dies?!"
My third thought was, "Ok. While we're all waiting for the other shoe to drop, how do we keep going?"

It may not seem like it, but all of those questions are different.

The first one expresses uncertainty. I was concerned for his life and was trying to decide if we could anticipate a dichotomous outcome. A yes or no.

The second question was more open-ended. It was kind of a choose-your-own-nightmarish-adventure. If he did die, how do we proceed? If he doesn't die, what other obstacles aren't we thinking of that may affect him, his work, his family, etc.? As an employee, what am I supposed to be concerned about? How far does my concern go? What questions am I allowed to ask?

The third question was probably the right one to ask as an employee in my situation. The first two are sort of reactive. They bank on me not controlling the inciting action. And they require so much planning for scenarios that cannot be determined ahead of time. By asking, "how do we keep going?" I am allowed to release myself from the guilt of doing anything for his illness directly. I refocus on helping him in the best way I know how - by doing my job.

When I focus on what I can control I ease anxiety on all fronts. He can trust me to just get things done. I can keep myself busy with work that actually matters and alleviate catastrophizing.

While he's been in diagnosis and treatment processes, I've had the chance to really grow. I have made decisions, voiced concerns and gone to bat for him professionally whenever I can. Nothing fell apart while he was in surgery or at home or waiting at a doctor's office. I have had to contact him while he's been in the hospital, but only for the most urgent of things. And he, I think, likes knowing that we can't completely function without him.

How to Apply for a Job

I've given advice on how to get a job before. Now I want to focus on the actual application.

The Mr. is hiring someone for his office and I am no stranger to job applications, so I thought this is a perfect time to get a few pointers of my chest.

1) Resumes are one page. Period. If you can't be succinct, you don't know yourself, your business or your language very well. Learn how to edit! Regardless of this article, I think that people need to be more critical of their professional past and cut, cut, cut away the fat. The digital age may make it convenient to send a longer resume, but that doesn't mean HR will take the time to read one.

2) Review. Be sure you have someone look over your resume for errors. If you misspell the word "college" in your education section, you deserve to not get the job.

3) Don't overlook aesthetic. Be aware of your margin alignments, fonts and white space. Resumes need to be easy on the eyes even if you aren't applying for an artistic job. A good looking resume conveys that you know how to use the program (Word) and that you have an eye for detail.

4) Be unique. I border on "weird" anyway, so I find myself reigning in my written work. Many people though don't branch out and leave white space here or left-align things there. If nothing else, make sure that your cover letter is specific to the job to which you are applying.

5) Which brings me to generic cover letters. Don't do 'em! Make sure that you name the position you're applying for and the reason you want it specifically.

6) Do your darnedest to send the letter to a person - not just  "to whom it may concern". Cause you know who that concerns? Nobody! Even if you send your letter out with the wrong name on it (which I've done before), chances are it will get more attention if the recipient walks it over to HR and it all like, "Hey, I got this letter and I think it's for you. They wrote some good sh*t. You should probably consider hiring them." (Which has happened to me!). Don't misaddress it on purpose, but take your best shot. If no name is specifically listed with the job posting, find someone through LinkedIn who is a recruiter or in the department to which you are applying and send your application to them.

7) Let go of neuroses. For instance, I like using commas to a fault and will come up with a third adjective just to round out a list trio. Resist! Too many commas make your writing seem panicked (Think "would I take a breath here if I was speaking this?" If no, then no comma.) and too many adjectives make you seem like a rambling, self-centered, unnecessarily verbose thesaurus.

more here

"We've Got Time!" Said Chicken Little to the Sky, Daringly.

AKA: The Dangers of Deferring Retirement Planning

(suspense) Dun, DUN, DUHHHH!

The Mr. and I started meeting with financial planners when I was 26. We interviewed a couple of them to ensure we got a good fit, as financial advisers are like other professional services where personality and relationship matter. Both of the people (from two different firms) we met with though had the same two reactions to us and our financial breakdown.

1) You guys are much younger than my usual clientele.

2) If nothing in your savings, 401k, stocks, bonds, etc. changes, you will only reach a fraction of your retirement goal by the time you want to retire.

Here are the facts about us:
I am 27, the Mr. is soon-to-be 29 (I like to round up to 30 to irk him).
We BOTH have 401ks that we max out and then some.
We have no credit card or student loan debt.
We have savings, a low-rate mortgage and a low-rate car payment.
I have some educational bonds that are vested.
The Mr. has done moderately well conservatively playing in the stock market.
The Mr. may have some inheritance, but that is uncertain at this time.
We are interested in retiring early with enough money to enjoy our golden years*.

So. I thought to myself, "Self, you're set! Look at how well you've planned and how you allocate your debts and savings! Pat your self on the back and go have a BLT**."

I and think the Mr. and I aren't far from the norm in our planning.

Many youngun's have some retirement planning in place. Some have more. Some have none. But most of us think, in my experience, that we've got time.

Here's what "time" and our pre-adviser planning would get us, according to CNN's retirement calculator:

(some spaces have been whited out for our privacy)

Blah blah blah, basically the bottom line is this:

We will only have a 55% chance of being able to retire when and how we want if we don't change our plan.

And that means taking action now. This is how we changed our tune. "Finance" is the category to notice.

The more accurate, robust breakdowns of our financial trajectory done by the professionals showed that most of our investments only made big bucks in the final, compounding years before retirement.

Two words. Compound interest.

And think that 6-figure number is atypical for retirment? This basic calculator says that a modest retirement at a later age even costs $1.5 million, accounting for inflation! Pensions are going the way of the Atari*** and don't count on Social Security, friends!

As my vibrant 92 year old Grammy says: "You always need more than you think you do."


*Travel and buy lattes.
**Had a BLT in Minnesota that was on pita bread... I recommend it!
*** Pac-man!

Why I Won't #Ask4More Today

Today, April 9th, is Equal Pay Day. It symbolizes how far into 2013 women have to work to earn what men did in 2012.

But I won't be asking for any more today. Or this week. Or this month. Here's why:

I know my company.
Good or bad, I'm privy to some very tough and telling conversations. I know that my company is not going swimmingly right now, more like just floating. I know that some have lost their jobs and others have taken pay cuts to keep us going. I am not about to ask for more when I know others are being given less and less.

I know my industry.
The construction industry is not all the way back to normal yet. I know that labor jobs are coming back, but those are the first to go and the first to come back. They are relatively cheap for builders and architects while professional services, such as my company, are more expensive and not always brought back into the fold at the same rate.

I know my bosses.
I am valued and respected at my job. I have received inflation based raises since starting here and given opportunities that others haven't. They wouldn't do me dirty.

I have earned other perks.
I get things that are arguably better than money. I get a day to work at home once a week (hello, hair appointments and open grocery checkouts!). I am learning design with tutorials and materials on the company dime. I can expense lunches I have with interviewees. When I asked for a medication to be covered by our insurance, HR got it done. I have full design and editorial license in our blog, newsletter, Facebook and other materials. I am given a long, loose leash.

Thanks for posting this, Chelsey!

I think that women are undervalued in the workplace, I do. I know that not everyone is being paid what they should be, but that doesn't mean that everyone can demand a raise. If your company cannot give you a raise, see if there are other perks you can get. Negotiate a lifestyle, not a salary and if that includes money adjustments, so be it. Asking for more money when you know your company isn't in a good place can show that you are obtuse, unprofessional and not a team player.

Will you be asking for a raise this week? Do you negotiate things outside of your salary?

Advice on Dealing with Workplace Rumors

As a women who prefers to work with men - and introverted nerdy ones at that! - I'll be the first to say that working with women has a whole different set of challenges compared to working with men.

The one job in my career that I outright hated was one where my boss and coworkers were mostly women. Not that working with women is always going to be bad for me (I work with some great women now), but feminine work relationships can come with unique predispositions*:

1. What women say, in words, can be different - even the opposite - of what women mean, in tone
2. Women may invite too close of a personal relationship at work which makes them vulnerable**
3. Women gossip
4. Women take things personally and react emotionally
5. Competition looks different for women (Hey, Jealousy!) and may cause some surprising fallout
6. B#tches be crazy

A male aquaintence of mine works with a good mix of men and women. He explained to me how he's going through some drama at work and doesn't know how to get things back to normal after some, in hindsight, awful gossip (point 3).

Seeking my advice, he told me the story about how a few rumors about a fellow coworker - let's call her Bathsheba*** (points 1, 3) told to him by a couple of people - Miriam and Aaron - (point 2) and some eye-witness evidence of said rumor led him to believe the rumor was true(1). He went on to say that the rumor came up in conversation with another women - Hagar (1,2,3,4,5,6) and he repeated it. My friend was the last free-link in the chain as Hagar took the rumor to Bathsheba herself. He explained how
Bathsheba is now speaking to Miriam and Aaron (5), but not him (4).

My friend apologized in email, but couldn't apologize in person to Bathshebe as she was still mad (1, 4, 6). I suggested that he ask her to go to lunch again and let her get all of her anger out (6) - without trying to justify or point the blame on anyone else (5). I hope it works.

As a girl who's lived through the ongoing Middle School that is real life, I feel sorry for men that have to deal with this type of bull crap. But, of course, we can all be the captains of our own ship. Avoiding such social icebergs is always the best option, so here's my advice for prevention.

1. If anyone comes to you with information that is either not their own to share and is not good information, tell them to either can it or see HR. 
2. Unless your participation is legally mandatory (hello, subpoena!), plead the fifth when juicy gossip comes up.
3. You should only address a colleagues's personal problem at work if it meets these criteria:

• It is affecting their performance or someone else's and/or is illegal AND
• You are prepared to march right over to HR after you speak to them directly - something that is big enough for you to intervene, is big enough to involve HR OR
• They reach out to you

Otherwise in the words of Salt N' Pepa,  it's none of your business.

via

*These are generalizations and will not apply to all women. Some may apply to men.
** Vulnerability isn't bad, but letting your guard down and then making enemies is
*** We're watching the History channel's The Bible and I didn't want to use a name of anyone I'd ever met.

Flip-It Friday: Design Tools

Happy Friday!

One of my career goals for 2013 is to learn InDesign. I am already a writer (stop laughing) and now want to diversify my abilities to create marketing materials, so I think... InDesign!

My boss has sanctioned it and my company will pay for the software and any training.

Question, though:

What about the whole Adobe Suite? Photoshop? Illustrator?

What do you, fellow bloggers and not-so-fellow-yet designers, think? Should I asked to be compensated for subscribing to the whole suite of Adobe design tools? Should I start slow with just InDesign and move up from there?

Flip-It Friday: Networking

Last night I went to the anniversary event for The Everygirl. I was one of over 300 people there celebrating their first year of blog success.

All of these women are my peers. We're in our 20's-30's, creative, driven, city-dwellin' (or wannabes) and all of us were putting our best feet forward. I swear half of the girls were bottle-blonde with the same red shade of NARS lipstick and the other half were raven-haired girls with nonseasonal tans*. I fall in neither of those categories, but I certainly did try to look professional and cute at this event. [Check out the GPOY on my instagram --->

Heat wave?

Within the first 15 minutes, I actually got to meet one of the creators of the site (Hi Alaina!). I just called her name when she was clearly searching the crowd for someone else. Lucky for me, she obliged my stalking. Even luckier that she asked for my card**.

As the party filled up, I found myself having a hard time trying to meet the other creator (Hi Danielle!). As I was there alone, I didn't want to be awkwardly scanning the room for the next 1.5 hours just for an opportunity to connect with other women. Like this bear --->

So I found two girls that also got the early-bird gift bags and who didn't look too intimating (read: not wearing an unusual amount of sequins for early evening, not 7 feet tall, willing to make eye contact with me) and asked:

"Hey, have you girls checked out what is in the gift bags yet?"

"Yeah, they have those new kind of hair ties that are supposed to not crease your hair."

"Oh yeah? I got one of those in a Birchbox once."

"That's how I first got mine! I get Birchbox too."

Bam. People to talk to (Hi Alexis/Alexa [I'll admit that I didn't hear your name over the DJ] and Amanda!).

Picking up girls is harder as you get older. I used to go out with my guy friends when I was single and have a ton of fun helping them hit on girls at bars. Girls talking to girls is so disarming. And when all you have to do is compliment their shoes to start a conversation, it can be so easy and rewarding.

I really enjoyed talking to those girls. They were interesting and we started joking how they are spys (they work for the Federal Reserve). I would have stuck around to see if I could talk to anyone else or share my blog info, but I was exhausted from meeting just three new people.

So, how do you do it? How do you network? Does it wear anyone else out?

Images:

Source: memecenter.com via Rindi on Pinterest

Source: bloomingdales.com via Danielle on Pinterest

*Not hatin'. I just saw root on the blondes and tan lines on the brunettes.
** Note to self: get personal cards made up SOON.

Thoughtful Thursday: Be Liked, Be Powerful, Be Yourself

"One of the questions I get asked most often from young women who are just discovering feminism is how they can maintain relationships when the people in their lives see feminism as so confrontational...

My answer generally consists of tips on how to strategically talk with people without putting them on the defensive—ask them their stories, meet them where they’re at, find entry points in a conversation that will resonate... 

Yes, the more successful you are—or the stronger, the more opinionated—the less you will be generally liked. All of a sudden people will think you’re too “braggy,” too loud, too something. But the trade off is undoubtedly worth it. Power and authenticity are worth it... 

Wanting to be liked means being a supporting character in your own life, using the cues of the actors around you to determine your next line rather than your own script. It means that your self-worth will always be tied to what someone else thinks about you, forever out of your control...."

by Jessica Valenti from She Who Dies With the Most 'Likes' Wins of The Nation

via

If you had to be liked or powerful, which would you choose?
Do you think its possible to be both?

Tipsy Tuesday: How to Impress Your Boss

(A.k.a. be a bit of a kiss-a**)

Things I do-do and things I should do:

- If he/she swings by and asks, "Got a second?" Always say, "Yes." Even if you don't.

- Listen to his/her stories about his kids/grand-kids/dog, even if you've heard them a hundred times.

- Offer to help when you do have free time. Just let him/her know you are available.

- Be honest about your abilities, but willing to grow. Example: "Can you do ABC?" "No, but I'll find out how to!"

- If you are going to be late, let him/her know. If you are occasionally late, it's best to just text or email them at least to say you are late and give a time when you will be in. Don't explain yourself. It will only seem like you are giving excuses.

- Treat your department. 'Tis the season of giving, so bring in some doughnuts, offer to run grab lunch or leave some homemade cookies on your desk as an incentive for others to log some face-time with you.

A wise former coworker of mine once reminded me: You get more bees with honey!

So as annoying as you may think being kind, cordial and interested in your boss's life, it may help you work up the corporate ladder!

Do you try to impress your boss?

WTWTW

What. To. Wear. To. Work.

I used to work in a construction office where I usually wore trousers while the rest of the crew wore jeans or coveralls. I was told I could "dress it down" more if I wanted to. I didn't want to.

Then I worked in a corporate office where my cute gladiator sandals were poo-poo'd on (I was young, so I didn't understand the 40+ common law "thou shalt not show all toes at once").

Now I work in a place where I think my outfitting fits just fine, but where some others (*cough cough* accounting!) could use some reminders.

What you can/should wear in my the office:
Jeans on Fridays
Jerseys if there is an event specifying so
Suits if you choose
Closed toed shoes
Skirts just above the knee or longer
A blazer with clients

What you CAN'T wear in my office (explicit or understood):
Leggings - at all! No matter how long your shirt is/how tall your boots are... even worse in some cases.
Flip-flops
Jeans on any other day than Friday
Jeans when you have a meeting with a client (even if that meeting is on a Friday)
Sandals
Sweatshirts

Is this strict? What are your workplace's policies? Do you wish they were more buttoned-up or laid back?

Flip-It Friday: Your Best Advice

Source: someecards.com via Roxanne on Pinterest

I've had a very trying few weeks/months at work. The kinda thing that wakes me up and puts my stomach in a knot 30 minutes before a conference call.

I can't tell if its because I care about the project that much or if I care about not getting axed that much.

Either way. I kinda blew the whistle on some serious roadblocks and was politely overruled on a change in direction.

I did my part. If the whole shebang blows up, I know that I informed everyone of what I could foresee. I can let it go. I can rejoin the team on this sinking ship and, once it hits the bottom on November 30th, I can move the f' on.

Have you ever been ignored when sharing your informed perspective?

What's the best advice you've ever given?

Tipsy Tuesday: Unsolicited Compliments

When the project you've been working on for nearly a year takes a nose dive,
when the others in the tower at mission control point fingers at you
and the onlookers on the ground gasp and take to Twitter in speculation,
when you've lost faith in you and no one can give you a good reason to seek it out again:

take heart.

Some coked-up, rambling colleague may send you a nonsensical email with qualifying dribblings unrelated to even the subject of such email but end it with:

"One last thing.  I want you to know that I relish the contributions you make and believe you do a top-notch, extremely professional job on [company newsletter].  Your skills shine through the work you do and it’s a pleasure to work for a company that embraces sharing work with one another and encouraging all of us to get to know one another through our work.  Bravo to [our company] for seeing you in the current light – your work shines through beautifully!"

Like being hit-on by a hobo or piss-on by a rapper, I feel honored, akin, and creeped-out all at the same time.

visit the site to see more hilarious signs

Beverage pairing: a large Evian bottle under which to shower. Just make sure you get the clear kind from the 7-eleven and not the yellow kind from the gutter outside of the 7-eleven.

What Up My Morning People!

The early bird gets the worm. It also is a "killer employee".

1. They make a work to-do list the day before. I make mine in the morning about half of the time. I love lists!

2. They get a full night's rest. I function best on 8+ hours. 9 hours is a beautiful thing for me :)

3. They avoid hitting snooze. This past week I was horrible at this. In my defense, I did have some late nights.

4. They exercise. 6 - 9 miles a week, baby!

5. They practice a morning ritual. Get up, grumble, schlep to work, respond to overnight emails, and eat some fruit while blog surfing.

6. They eat breakfast. See above! Usually either raw oatmeal or fruit and peanut butter with chia seeds.

7. They arrive at the office on time. Most of the time.

8. They check in with their boss and/or employees. Yep.

9. They tackle the big projects first. Not always.

10. They avoid morning meetings.  I like morning meetings. I think that it gives me the day to sort out the problems that come up in the meetings. I also like just getting stuff outta the way.

11. They allot time for following up on messages. I usually respond to email when it comes it. Not the most time efficient, but on slow days it's easy to do. Otherwise I flag it (in Outlook) or star it (in Gmail) for later. 

12. They take a mid-morning break. See 5 :) Love me-time!

How do you fair on this list? Do you consider yourself a "killer employee"?

Tipsy Tuesday: A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action (Get a Job Part 2)

Time for Part 2 of the Get a Job Series. This one is all about what you can DO to get a job.

The first part is about the role luck plays. Luck is a big part of why anything happens in our life. But we need to meet luck halfway.

Things that you can do are:

- Go public with it. Own it.
Tell everyone you know that you're looking for a job and own your skills. I got my current job by making it known that I was searching for a permanent job and by saying, "Yes, I am a writer!" When a key Exec asked if I knew how to write.

- Practice.
Whether you are a writer, an actor, an IT professional, a teacher or whatever - use your job skills even if you aren't getting paid. Write a blog, act in a community production, participate in IT forums online, teach Sunday School or volunteer in your own industry. This will not only keep you sharp, it will give you some leverage when you're in an interview. "Why, yes, I am actively teaching children right now in a volunteer setting."

- ABN: Always Be Networking.
Create or join opportunities to meet strategic new people. Whether its a meet-up, a blind coffee date with your aunt's friend's publicist, or a trade show where you collect business cards, make sure that your friends and family aren't the only ones that know you're available in your industry.

- Expand your options.
So you're an actress. You want to get paid to act, right? Well you might have to "volunteer" your acting  skills for an unpaid production and run coat check at a comedy club to offset your acting habit. Don't limit yourself to a specific job description or industry. Be flexible and trainable. Show a hunger for learning and be the first to say, "I'll try it!" I stuffed envelopes, made coffee, washed walls, moved furniture, and other non-glamour jobs while working my way to a fulfilling career.

- Take care of yourself.
I mentioned in the "Luck" edition of this post that it matters what you look like when it comes to getting a job. To an extent, it is out of your control what you really look like. You can, however, give your best impression and win over your interviewer/coffee date by taking care of yourself. Get enough rest, drink enough water (keep in mind that for every caffeinated/alcoholic drink you have, you need to have an extra glass of water to flush out the sugars!), take time for yourself between meeting people so that you can come into each interview with a fresh 'hire me' spiel. Trust your gut. If an interview with a prospective boss is awkward or worse yet, unlawful (like one guy asked me if I was planning on having kids soon... he totally can't ask that!), trust your instinct to walk away.

via

What do you do when you're on the job hunt? Did I miss any key actions?

Tipsy Tuesday: What's Luck Got To Do With It (Get a Job Part 1)

As I mentioned on the last Flip-It Friday post, I'd like to share some of my pointers in getting a job.

(For my credentials you can note that I've had 4 permanent jobs since graduating in 2008, worked in 7 offices (including temp jobs), have been unemployed for a total of 10 months since graduating and have only used the skills I/scholarships paid Purdue to acquire in ONE of these positions. Feel free to count that as a fail or a win. Your choice.)

In my opinion there are two things in play that influence getting a job. There is pure luck and there is action or things you can actually do.

There is some choice involved in the things I consider "luck". We do make choices on where we go to school, where we live, the connections we make, but we can't always foresee if these are the right choices for the time. That's why I chalk them up to luck.

Things that I consider luck are:

- Your Alma-mater
I actually got 2 of my 4 jobs by just graduating from Purdue. There are plenty of alum in the Midwest that recognize the name and want to pay-if-forward by hiring a recent grad.

- Who you know
I got promoted to my job now because of the following happenings (I have to use real names so this won't get confusing):
I was hired on at Company R to be a temp receptionist. The current receptionist, Lindsay, was moving on to fulfill partial duties of the departing Marketing Director, Sarah. Sarah left to work in Marketing for Company W. Company W is where Mr. S used to work, so I know people there. I moved on from receptionist temp to full-time admin at Company R. When the dust settled after Sarah left, it was determined that someone should take over the duties that Sarah left and Lindsay was not intended to pick up (i.e. the writing duties). Sarah heard through the grapevine at Company W that I had a writing background and that I was currently working right under the noses of the Marketing department of Company R. Lindsay and/or Sarah passed the info along to the Marketing EVP and he said to me in the hall one day, "Hey, I hear you're a writer". The rest is history [and elaborated on in the "Action" (part 2) of getting a job].

- Where you live
I tried to get a job where my parents lived in Indiana right after school. I was unsuccessful because Indiana's unemployment was worse than Illinois'. I packed up my car and took my sis and bro-in-law up on their offer to live in their (finished) basement for a while and job search in the Chicagoland area. I drove up there with a packed car and an interview on the schedule. I got that job.

- The Economy
I don't have to tell you what it's like. I started college on the idea that "any degree is a good degree" and finished on the idea that "liberal arts was a waste of time/what the heck am I going to do now?" It's not anybody's game anymore. You can't just get a degree and hope for the best. Like I said, I graduated in 2008 at the beginning of the end of the "you can do anything you want" era.

- What you look like
Sad, but true. Prejudice does come into play in interviews. I found out after-the-fact, that a former employer of mine asked that the staffing agency send her "no one with an accent, as it's hard to understand them on the phone" for a receptionist position after the company sent her a black girl. Outrageous, right? The staffing company probably sent her an articulate woman and, hello, we are in Chicago... whites make up only 40% of our population! And that's just the race issue. Overweight, poorly-dressed and frizzy-haired girls get overlooked too!

via

What do you think about the things I consider luck? How were you just plain lucky in getting a job?  What is this list missing?

I'll go through the ACTION items next Tuesday, so stay tuned!

Flip-It Friday: How did you get a job?

I'm curious.

I've been participating in some "office hours" presentations by a website called Levo League. The site is for professional women to connect and mentor one another. The more I listen to the senior women speak, the more I think I could contribute to the conversation as a mentor.

Maybe take a young grad under my wing and meet with them over coffee to discuss life, love and the pursuit of gainful employment!

Oftentimes the conversations are based on getting a job at all (as opposed to moving up in your career or growing your business, etc.). I know the target audience is young women straight out of college.

So if you were advising these young people, what would you say? How did you get your job? Is networking more important than your resume? What really got your employer on the hook?


I think I'll share what worked for me on upcoming Tipsy Tuesdays.

Healthcare Rant: Update!

Remember this post on the screwed-up nature of healthcare and my own personal woes with prescription coverage? (Dad, this is the post I said you could skip reading since it related to women's health. Likewise you can skip this one ... it includes a personal story, so just be warned.)

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Well, here's what I did about the IUD situation:

The last week in May: I spoke with my HR department about the fact that IUDs aren't covered by our spectacular insurance even though the doctor's visit to *cough* "place them" are. She said that there's likely nothing we can do since it isn't in the plan, but she thought it was weird that only IUDs were explicit from the plan when other forms of more expensive birth control were covered. She said she'd talk to our insurance broker and see what the reasoning was behind that decision.

Monday, June 4th: I went to see my lady doc (who, by the way, is the best lady doc I've ever had. I'm not going to share her name because I want to make sure she doesn't get too popular and not have time for me. Do you keep any secrets like this?). Mr. S left the ultimate IUD decision up to me. I decided it was now or never and scheduled a same-day appointment for the 4th (there were time constraints on when this could be done). Let me remind you that this was a $1,000 product, not currently covered by my insurance.

(Skip to the bottom to see how the whole IUD thing went. Again, men in my life other than S, you may not want to read that.)

Tuesday, June 5th: Felt crappy, but was glad I did it.

Wednesday, June 13th: HR manager comes to me and says, "So, in talking to our broker we thought that it was strange that it wasn't covered. It wasn't covered in our old plan, and when we switched brokers, we just copy/pasted the whole plan without revising things. We are slowly revising things to meet the current need and this is one of the things we chose to revise. As of July 1st, we will cover the procedure and the pharmaceutical product."

I then say, "That's nice, but I already had it done." I had no reason to wait since they gave me no indication that there would be any change. I made it clear that I had to do the procedure at a certain time of the month and that time came and went.

HR then said that if I could get my doctor to forward-date the procedure to have happened in July, then it would be covered.

I then call my doctor's billing department, my insurance company and get a sort of run-around saying that my HR department or insurance broker would have to write a letter to the insurance company saying that the procedure would be covered on the date it was given. They can't just change procedure dates.

I go back to HR and tell them what I find and she said that she'd go back to the broker and see what they could do.

Thursday, June 14th: HR manager comes to me and says that they have looked up my insurance claim and have agreed to backdate the coverage to include my procedure and the expensive product used!

I'm so happy I could cry. Life isn't fair for me ... in a good way.

via

Advice I can tell you that I learned from this experience:
- Always call your insurance company to see what is covered on your plan. Ask questions if it doesn't make sense.
- When calling your insurance company, make sure you get the reference number attached to your conversation. This way, if you have to call them back you can pick up in the conversation where you left off.
- Price shop other, comparable procedures/pharmaceuticals and see if you can bargain with your HR/insurance broker - it helps make your case!
- If you feel your insurance should cover something that it doesn't, you can file a grievance appeal after the claim has gone through.
- It never hurts to ask!

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The IUD Sitch
Since the IUD has to be placed during a certain point in your cycle, I needed it to be put in on short notice. I went back and forth with the doc about pain killers as I've heard and read that this is a painful procedure. She offered to call me in something stronger, but said that Vicodin wouldn't help me as much as I thought because of the type of pain (inflammation) that it would be. She suggested I take a strong amount of ibuprofen right as I get into the docs office. So, I went with the Advil.

Holy balls that was the worst 90 seconds of my life. Intense pain. The kind where I didn't know what to do with my hands and they were shaking and squeezing my stomach. Thank Jesus that I didn't move and that my doc is a pro at these (already did a few that day even before I got in the office!) because she said it could take up to 5 minutes to do, but only took us 90 seconds. After the  preliminary measurement and actual placement was over, I felt immediate relief. Like-just-hit-the-ground-after-nearly-falling-out-of-your-parachute-harness relief. She had me lie their for a few minutes to get my bearings and calm down from the adrenaline rush.

I imagine that this was like getting a piercing on an internal organ. The initial pain is awful, but the adrenaline is addictive. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to do this again, but I can see where people are coming from with tattoos/piercings. I'd had piercings (3 in the ears, 1 in the nose), but none hurt like this.

So anyway, the first day was mostly shocking, but I was ok. The next day, thankfully, I worked from home. I would have needed to take a sick day if I didn't work from home. I felt crampy all day and was couch-ridden. Nothing I haven't experienced before with normal woman-issues. I have taken ibuprofen off-and-on for the past week to maintain the pain, but it's only gotten better. Some days I need no meds or heating pad at all.

Flip-It Friday: How Do You Fill Your Life

The early part of my marriage was rocky.

Shoot, I've only been married a few days over a year, so I mean to say that the early, EARLY part was a bit rocky. We had some adjustment issues. I'm sure that's normal and if it's not, I hope it's comforting to the few of you out there who do have adjustment periods that need validation and fleshing out. You are not alone!

So while the beginning was rocky, I thought of the worst case scenario. You might think this is masochistic, but it's a really calming anxiety-relief technique. You ask yourself, "So what if the most horrible thing happens, so what?" And it helps you get some perspective.

So I was asking myself, "So what if marriage is ugly and lonely and *gasp* not a fairy tale." I didn't think I was living an illusion, but I suppose I was.

I answered myself with, "I supposed I'll need a hobby to pour myself into if this marriage thing is not fulfilling."

Some of you are shocked or appalled. I get it. It's not what you hear all the time. But again, I would love to be able to relate to just one person and help them out, so alas, I am honest.

So I told myself that if marriage was never going to "click" and we weren't going to have a fairy tale, I'd better get something in my life that gives me purpose and fulfillment. We aren't planning on having kids (at least not anytime soon), I am growing in my job but it's not a 24/7 distraction, and I have some hobbies (bloggin!) but they also don't take up my entire life.

I started brainstorming how I could fill my life. Reading, clubs, book clubs (all sound like the same thing, but arent!), new friends, adventurous cooking, starting that novel only to put it in a drawer and have someone make a fortune off of it after I die... etc.

So I want to ask you to be frank with me (Hi, Frank. Nice to meet you... haha... oh me!). Do you have "ways you spend your life" or a plan of how to "fill your life" if your job/spouse/kids/etc do not? What if you're not married but want to be? What if you are in a job that is furthest from your dream? What dangling carrot do you have in your sights? Are you employing a fill-my-life mechanism right now?

(Sidenote: My marriage is much more fulfilling now. We grew tremendously in the beginning and earn every one of our stretch marks through growing pains! It was an uncomfortable time, but we are glad and better for it. Mr. S is so understanding to let me air our past and present on this blog. He's so patient! I thank him for that.)

Flip-It Friday: Group Projects Are Not My Bag

Do you like working in groups?

In school I never liked working in groups. It was too hard to communicate a vision and have a few people carry it out. It's hard to get people to share a vision, do work on time and make it look and sound cohesive. I found that I was either withdrawn from group work or a dictator when it came to organization. I have an all-or-nothing approach to working with others and it's coming to my attention again. I just don't trust others to do things the way I would (my perceived "right way") so I do it all myself or don't do any of it.

Are you like that? Or do you like group work? What's your style?

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As for the bag portion of this post, I am looking for a new handbag. My old ones are dirty beyond cleaning, torn and mended over several times, or cheap-looking and a poor investment (to the thrift store they go!).

The new bag has to be perfect. Neutral enough to go with everything, but spunky enough to make me proud to carry it/seem as an individual. Big enough to hold normal purse things as well as emergency shoes and a lunch (I commute in the city, so there is no "backseat/trunk space" in which to stash my stuff). It has to be also be small enough to not be too heavy when I have to walk miles a day (sometimes). It has to be durable. It has to have clean lines and not a lot of fringe/adornments. It has to be classic looking and say "I'm a professional," and, "I'm cool without trying too hard". It would also be nice if it were ethically made, eco friendly and/or recycled.

I was looking for something like this from ASOS:

This is still all wrong though. Not unique. That dang lock just danglin' would bother me. Looks large and heavy to me. Uncomfortable corners and possibly not a supple leather.

When I saw this on etsy:

Handmade

Small, woman-owned business (even if it costs some oil to ship it from Thailand)

Unique in color, style, source (so it is unlikely that someone will have this exact bag)

Nylon (lightweight, waterproof and easy to clean)

Pretty and professional (have you ever seen a giant bow look so subtle?)

Large, but dainty looking

Doesn't cost a fortune (I was preparing to spend a fortune for the first time in my life on a bag!)

Winner.