Thoughful Thursday: Sassy is a Nice Way to Put It

Ever want to see "Mean Girls" as a horror movie?

Jump inside my head, ya'll. 

Just kidding, 

"You Can't Sit With Us!"

Yesterday I cut out coffee, carbs and alcohol until the Mr. poured me a glass of wine to save his own life. I'm detoxing cold turkey but have relapsed and am still not feeling like my old self. Unless my old self felt old and cranky and like crying for no reason. 

Even after going to bed at 8:30 last night I woke up feeling tired, sore and really really, shall we say, sassy. Are my eyes even open? Can I even see this screen right now?

Last night we watched House Hunters over steamed fish and all I could do was yell gay jokes at the TV.

"I'll tell YOU why he's so concerned about the orientation of the backyard!"

"Carpet, smarpet. Thou DOST protest too much." 

"She's a beard and you're a 'mo. Lesbi-honest, you're building a guest house because you aren't sharing the master!"

"Gavin the flight attendant brought along his sassy black girlfriend: not because Gavin doesn't have a boyfriend, but because Gavin doesn't love Gavin for who Gavin is."**

SweetJesusI'mAMonster.

---

*This post is for Maddy, who understands that watching anger-inducing House Hunters while in a 'deodorant-aisle' state was all "my bad". 

*I'm sorry, Dad. 

**Watch this one, people. It's in Chicago and even the Realtor is all like, "Are you kidding me? I didn't sign up for this. I'm out."

The Best Tips Are Better Than Money

tip 1 - visit your pa
tip 2 - look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself it is all good and I can handle the challenges of every day, one day at a time.
tip 3 - have neener make you chicken pot pie.
tip 4 - take roo for a walk, try to smell fresh air and have an enjoyable beverage.
tip 5 - go grocery shopping with neener, she suggests hitting the wine isle first, after you get a glass of your favorite to aid the shopping experience.
tip 6 - bring yourself to pa's ranch and run roo. Neener added this part but I agree.
tip 7 - hang out with your niece and nephew, in costume, you could be super [name redacted].
tip 8 - play like a duck and let it roll off.
tip 9 - watch downton abbey, parks and rec with neener and pa.
do you see a theme here?

Thanks for the comment, Dad. We're coming to you for Thanksgiving. I think we can run through the whole list at the end of this month!

Thoughtful Thursday: Tithing

Hey kidlets. I've got a lot of things I need to talk about.

List for accountability's sake:
- How busy I've been and what my real opinion of "busy" is.
- A pulse check on my religion. That me in the corner...
- The red herring of the Republican party
- Closed-minded prejudice and the rumors it births
- A follow up from my performance review
- A Roo-update, as she's the real reason you're all here.

But today, somehow, I have the mustard to talk bout tithing.

Tithing: one-tenth part of something, paid as a contribution to a religious organization or compulsory tax to government.

I haven't called myself a part of the little-c church (a local, physical community) in years. I haven't called myself a part of the big-C Church (the world-wide community of the like-minded) in at least a year. I just don't think I've ever declared it to anyone. But that's another post about me in the corner, losing my religion. 

I wanted to talk about tithing (or offering, or putting pennies in the collection plate, or mission trips, or serving in Sunday school, or not taking vaccines, or praying the gay away, or trusting your pastor more than your financial/medical/psychological adviser... deep breath).

I barely tithed when I was in the church (somehow didn't see how my mega-church of traders, lawyers and blinged-up film makers needed my $20/week), but now I am so averse to giving to organizations that have a religious motive that I feel like I want to pull out of some long term commitments. 

For instance, I have a friend to whom I give for her annual salary. She is a "missionary" with Campus Crusade for Christ*. I feel that giving to her salary only promotes pushy evangelism. I am trying really hard to have no opinion of anyone's religion. But as a former insider I feel its is not only dishonest that I support Cru's mission but it is also hurtful because I'm starting to resent the recurring charges and call for prayer support. 

I wonder if taking this money away from her will cause her to lose her job. Or if the people she's disciplining are really getting help from her (emotional support, stable friendship, a meal, etc.).

And remember when I felt torn by giving to World Vision to support Syrian refugees? When all war is caused by religion. 

You heard right. Read it again. I thought it before. Bill Maher (however crass) has said it. And a sweet, Alabama-born veteran I met on the plane to Seattle last week, also named Bill, reaffirmed it. 

I have no problem with giving. In fact, I love to give. The Mr. and I set aside money each month and enjoy spending it on people who need it and causes that make the world better. 

I just wonder if I should take that money out of religious causes and give it to Kiva or UNICEF or Paws. 

What would you do? 

Who would/do you give to? 

Does an organization's religious affiliation affect your giving?

*Never mind that the organization is trying to "take back" the word "crusade" as if it wasn't a self-righteous Jesus-mask for stealing people's land, lives and rights.

What I Learned From My Boss's Illness

I admire my boss very much. He's a respectful, funny, reasonable guy who gives me a lot of autonomy and trusts me.

So when he was faced with a big illness (the kind that makes you really question what's important in life) my first thought was, "Shit. Is he going to die?"
My second thought was , "Shit. What if he dies?!"
My third thought was, "Ok. While we're all waiting for the other shoe to drop, how do we keep going?"

It may not seem like it, but all of those questions are different.

The first one expresses uncertainty. I was concerned for his life and was trying to decide if we could anticipate a dichotomous outcome. A yes or no.

The second question was more open-ended. It was kind of a choose-your-own-nightmarish-adventure. If he did die, how do we proceed? If he doesn't die, what other obstacles aren't we thinking of that may affect him, his work, his family, etc.? As an employee, what am I supposed to be concerned about? How far does my concern go? What questions am I allowed to ask?

The third question was probably the right one to ask as an employee in my situation. The first two are sort of reactive. They bank on me not controlling the inciting action. And they require so much planning for scenarios that cannot be determined ahead of time. By asking, "how do we keep going?" I am allowed to release myself from the guilt of doing anything for his illness directly. I refocus on helping him in the best way I know how - by doing my job.

When I focus on what I can control I ease anxiety on all fronts. He can trust me to just get things done. I can keep myself busy with work that actually matters and alleviate catastrophizing.

While he's been in diagnosis and treatment processes, I've had the chance to really grow. I have made decisions, voiced concerns and gone to bat for him professionally whenever I can. Nothing fell apart while he was in surgery or at home or waiting at a doctor's office. I have had to contact him while he's been in the hospital, but only for the most urgent of things. And he, I think, likes knowing that we can't completely function without him.

Hosting A Salon

Does that sound as pretentious as I think it does?

I've been a part of some groups in the past that are all now defunct. Book clubs, Bible studies, service organizations. I always find good friends that way and it's one way I acclimate to a new city whenever I move.

I'm not planning on moving anytime soon, but some of my friends are or have already. Or their having babies. Or their diving into other groups I can't/won't join (hello marathon preppers!). I find myself craving the intellectual and emotional connection with peers that comes from regular, structured interaction.

So I've toyed with the idea of hosting a regular salon.

Salon: a gathering of people under the roof of an inspiring host, held partly to amuse one another and partly to refine the taste and increase the knowledge of the participants through conversation.

I'd make dinner for people once a month or once a quarter (seasonal dinners sound fun to me). I'd have vegan options and wheat-free options and low-sugar options for all diets. Think big pot of vegetable soup with toppings to personalize. Think soup kitchen for the vocal, educated, opinionated non-homeless.*

We'd either email the topic ahead of time or have a few news articles out on the table or a youtube video cued up to start the conversation. We'd have ground rules to make sure no one got too heated:

via

Or we could make sure that all insults are dished out Martin Luther style.

And over paninis and crudite, we'd discuss music and current events and historical trends!

Or we'd end up inciting a riot, alienating our friends and having to freeze-n-heat 20 lbs of vegetable soup. 

Thoughts?

*Dear Lord this is pretentious!

Book Jackets and Big Faces

the new steve jobs movie: jOBS

I might like it, but it might also make me mad.

I also feel like Kutcher is just using Kelso's wardrobe. But that might make me like it more.

Did I ever tell you that the Steve Jobs biography just made me mad? Not that the writing was bad - overly technical for too long, maybe, but not bad.

The character of Jobs - whether real or exaggerated - was the issue.

We love his stuff. I get it. I'm an iUser too, so I can't hate.

He got wonderful results out of everyday and extraordinary people "but at what cost?" I ask.

Lost mutual respect from designers.
Stolen ideas.
Absent from his family.
Rude to his friends.
Abusive to his employees.

Not to mention the environmental and social cost of smartphones.

But dammit if I can't text/email/call/words-with-friends the shit out of my day!

I don't know I'm being a hypocrite or if "you can't beat 'em, join 'em" is my battle cry.

I also can't tell if this is a real post (long week, weird dreams, tough workdays, higher dosage of melatonin), I just know that I have feelings on this movie that stem directly from who I was introduced to in Walter Isaacson's book.

And I know I had to take the jacket off of that hardback because jackets are cumbersome and JE-ZUZ that face is huge!

via

Follow-up Thought On The Same Topic

Your gut.

I’d always respected my gut, but I’d never put it to work the way I did during that time. At first I didn't even see how much I was relying on it. I did know that since the ground underneath me was shifting every day, I needed to do my best to anticipate what might be coming next so my staff and I wouldn't be caught off guard. I found myself saying things to my managing editor such as “Let’s do a, because b will happen and we’ll be ready.” Or “Don’t do c—it will only create problems tomorrow.” My decisions turned out to be right on. One day as my managing editor and I were strategizing, she narrowed her eyes and asked, “How do you know all this stuff?” 

Guard against your gut’s biggest enemy. Even if you've learned how to tune in to your gut, there may be times when you end up stupidly ignoring it. Why? Because other people pressure you to—directly or indirectly.

Thoughtful Thursday: Be Liked, Be Powerful, Be Yourself

"One of the questions I get asked most often from young women who are just discovering feminism is how they can maintain relationships when the people in their lives see feminism as so confrontational...

My answer generally consists of tips on how to strategically talk with people without putting them on the defensive—ask them their stories, meet them where they’re at, find entry points in a conversation that will resonate... 

Yes, the more successful you are—or the stronger, the more opinionated—the less you will be generally liked. All of a sudden people will think you’re too “braggy,” too loud, too something. But the trade off is undoubtedly worth it. Power and authenticity are worth it... 

Wanting to be liked means being a supporting character in your own life, using the cues of the actors around you to determine your next line rather than your own script. It means that your self-worth will always be tied to what someone else thinks about you, forever out of your control...."

by Jessica Valenti from She Who Dies With the Most 'Likes' Wins of The Nation

via

If you had to be liked or powerful, which would you choose?
Do you think its possible to be both?

Thoughtful Thursday

"That wasn’t inevitable. In 2004, exit polls suggested that President George W. Bush received 44 percent of the Hispanic vote. But Republicans became obstructionist on immigration and then veered into offensive demagogy in opposing the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court. The Hispanic vote tumbled by increasing numbers into the Democrats’ laps.

Then there are women. The paternalistic comments about rape by a few male Republican candidates resonated so broadly because they reflected the perception of the G.O.P. as a conclave of out-of-touch men. As Representative Todd Akin of Missouri might put it, when a candidate emerges with offensive views about rape, “the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” Namely, they vote Democratic.

America is changing. After this election, a record 20 senators will be women, almost all of them Democrats. Opposition to same-sex marriage used to be a way for Republicans to trumpet their morality; now it’s seen as highlighting their bigotry. 

An astonishing 45 percent of Obama voters were members of minority groups, according to The Times’s Nate Silver. Many others were women or young people. That’s the future of America, and if the Republican Party remains a purist cohort built around grumpy old white men, it is committing suicide. That’s bad not just for conservatives, but for our entire country."    - NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF

Elizabeth Warren

Joe Donnelly

Claire McCaskill

Tammy Duckworth

Tammy Baldwin

Hispanics, gays, women - or as I like to call them "people" - were the real winners of this election.

Thoughtful Thursday: Get a Third Party Opinion

When the president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, "says our debt makes us not a strong country, that's a frightening thing," Mr. Romney said. 

via

At least Iran and Pakistan think like you, Rom-Rod.

Or do you think the other countries would want President O because it makes us less of a superpower in their eyes? Are they sandbagging with their hypothetical votes?

Thoughtful Thursdays: Educate Before You Pontificate

It is no crime to be ignorant of economics, which is, after all, a specialized discipline and one that most people consider to be a 'dismal science.' But it is totally irresponsible to have a loud and vociferous opinion on economic subjects while remaining in this state of ignorance. 

- Murray Rothbard

Remember this post?

I cannot say that I am a 100% Rothbard fan, but I do enjoy this quote and appreciate the sentiment.

Source: mises.org via Ignacio on Pinterest

Thoughtful Thursday: Free Box Economics

By Sara Gilbert on Get Rich Slowly

"When I think about it back at home, this chair — and the others at my kitchen table — are pretty radical. I’m rejecting the idea that I must buy a new chair from IKEA or a furniture store, one that’s made in a factory by workers who earn a wage (living or no), and purchased at a retail store whose workers are also paid. I brought it home on my bike, oil companies and American car manufacturers be damned. I did not create any new demand for new things.

But I saved an inestimable amount of future costs, from the disposal of the old chair to the environmental costs of manufacturing and shipping, to the health costs of workers who manufacture and ship these products, right down to my own feelings of well-being and not-argument. I don’t have to ask my husband for money to buy a new chair; we won’t argue about money, today."

Source: sfgirlbybay.com via Emily on Pinterest

Thoughtful Thursday: On Being an Overnight Guest

Apartment Therapy had some good tips on being an overnight guest.

Make your plans clear: This may seem obvious, but our third roommate, as we came to refer to him, didn't clue us in on any of his plans for coming and going until he was en route, and he also didn't let us in on his date of departure. Don't keep your host guessing — be clear about your plans.

Keep your belongings tidy: Staying in a spare bedroom allows for more flexibility, but generally speaking, make your bed/fold your blankets, and put your belongings in one organized, out of the way pile .

Take initiative: One of the redeeming moments we experienced was when our guest took it upon himself to take out the kitchen trash. If you're living with others and contributing to the mess you too, should help out with the house chores.

Don't be a mooch: One of the less redeeming qualities of our house guest was his ability to show up right at dinner time. I found myself dividing our dinner for two between three people. The first time I didn't mind, the second time I was annoyed.

Leave a small gift: It's always a nice gesture to leave a gift. If you're enjoying a meal with your host, wine is an easy way to go. If you're just sleeping there it would be appropriate to leave something at the end of your stay. (J.Mill's note: Totally optional)

I love hosting and want people to feel comfortable in my home. I'll spend a pretty penny on fancy food to feed you, wait on you hand and food for drinks, linens, snacks, "how do I turn the shower on" instructions. I'll stay up late with your chatting or let you turn in earlier than expected. I also love it when people show courtesy and are genuinely thankful to stay with us. 

Some additions I would make:

• Be on-time. If we are expecting you for dinner, be there for dinner. Or at least keep us posted if you are going to be late.

• If you are going out late (we live in the city but are old - and I'm cranky - and sometimes don't go out with our 22 year old guests), be sure to know how to use spare keys so we don't get woken up in the middle of the night to let you in.

• Abide by house rules. The Mr. has 2 cats that we don't let into spare rooms so we can keep them allergen free for guests and don't have to vacuum empty rooms as frequently. If you want to snuggle with a kitty while you sleep, sleep on the couch where they can be all up in your business. Don't make me sanitize more than I have to.

• Be quiet. We live in a condo building and if you stomp around, play music loudly or laugh like a hyena after too much wine, you may be putting us in jeopardy with the neighbors. We're already painful neighbors as it is :)

I know lately I may not be so hospitable. If you are still interested in being a house guest while I'm a depressed fire-breathing reptile, kudos!

Thoughtful Thursdays: Curate Your Life

"Be open to change and gradual progression; not everything has to be perfect right when you start."

- Emily Schuman of Cupcakes and Cashmere, via The Everygirl

At a book signing. Because she wrote a book. I want her life. Patience.

When the Mr. and I started organizing our house, we also started daydreaming about design and decor for it. Shockingly (I kid, I kid), we have two different approaches to setting up a home. 

He likes to getitalldonerightnow.

I like to take my time and shop around.

He likes to make decisions on budget alone.

I see quality as paramount. 

He prefers simplicity. 

I prefer unique, story-full pieces.

He's Ikea and Target.

I'm World/Flea/Farmer's Market.

See how this could be a conflict?

As most people do after a big move, we had Chinese takeout one night. One of the fortune cookies said something like:

"Persistence and determination will be rewarded."

Basically, stick to a plan and see it through. Be patient. You wont be sorry.

I promptly taped it up on the fridge (our fridge is not magnetized... I swear the Mr. did this to me on purpose... no quirky magnets!) to both remind us to enjoy the process, seek to meet both of our desires for designing a home (synchronously), and royally piss him off! In a loving way of course. 

Now we take turns moving the fortune around. I found it in the silverware drawer a day or two later. It's now on his sink in the master bath. Mwahahaha!