12 Days of Gifty-Wifties

My Mr. says this stuff is the bee's knees. He said that other men said so too.

Again, not compensated for this post at all. Yet. Hey, Harry's! Send my Mr. a free set!

I'll keep you posted if that works :)

Flip-It Friday: Dreams

I had a dream last night that I broke up an ex-boyfriend's marriage so that I could marry... her. His wife. I stole my ex-boyfriend's wife. WhatDaFoog?

In middle school I fancied myself an amateur dream interpreter. I would make up silly reasons for my friends dreams and sometimes I could hit the subconscious nail on it's subliminal head.

If I were to perform a self analysis on this one, I'd say that I was battling an identity crisis - a deep one - within my career. So deep that I'm deflecting it on my relationships and overall sexuality so that I don't have to look at how unhappy I am in my current job and how that reflects on my self esteem. I want to take parallels (traditional, current relationships and the present time) and make them perpendicular (countersexual, past relationships and past time).

I'm also introducing competition as a way of "winning" at something despite my "losing" career. See, this ex-boyfriend was/is in intellectual and I once beat him to the punch at taking our high school physics teacher to a school sponsored dinner in honor of high achieving students. I asked this teacher to attend as my honored guest before my ex could, just to spite him. I was not a physics wiz and this teacher and I had an unremarkable relationship. But the ex was a wiz and did have that relationship. I was just being competitive. And a spiteful ex. Even though I broke up with him. What's my problem?

[pause]

Or I have low iron and want a cheeseburger.

Analyze that slice of crazy, wontcha?

Have you had any weird dreams lately?

Online Dating

IT'S REAL, PEOPLE!

Now that you're in the mood for online dating, let's discuss.

I never got the chance to date online and to be honest I'm jealous of my friends who have. It sounds really fun and the stigma about it is slipping away.

Heck, last night we had our real estate agent and his wife over for dinner (I made this with a few variations) and they told us how they met on match.com.

And I have two other girlfriends who are happily married for a few years now to men they met online.

And another girlfriend I know used a site I've never heard of to meet her new boyfriend.

Even my MIL has had some success online dating.

It makes so much sense, you know?

If someone's a smoker, boom, you can decline to meet them. If someone shares your love of pie eating contests, boom, take them for coffee.

You can pre-qualify your dates, get people who are closer to your ideal and only spend time with people who are looking for what you are (a short fling or the long haul).

So I applaud you Tinder, Match.com, J-Date and yes, you too FarmersOnly.com.

Yee-haw!


I saw farmersonly.com here first. 

Gift Guide: Couples Gifts

This is the first post of my gift guide. It's not broken out by gender or age, but rather, the type of recipient. Let's be real, I just broke them out by the types of gifts I need to buy. Help me, help you, help me. Ya know?

These gifts would be great to give to a couple or individual as a household gift. All are under $25 as that is the stipulation for gifts in my family this year.

Some unique art. 

Wouldn't this look good in a kitchen? Its easy on the eyes, has a bit of tension but is still gender neutral. 

Something for the home that is seasonal is nice too.

This pepper wreath is traditional and funky at the same time.

This is a dollar over the price point, but it's such a good idea.

Couples mitten!

If they have pets, getting something for the dog or cat could be a way to give something for the household!

And it may seem like a cop-out, but I always like getting and giving gift cards. People can then shop themselves and get exactly what they want. And you still get to show them that you know their favorite 

Brand of coffee

Home improvement store

Local Italian resto

Homegoods

That way, they can have part of their next date, java or home improvement project on you!

How about you? What would you like for your household?

Thoughtful Thursdays: Curate Your Life

"Be open to change and gradual progression; not everything has to be perfect right when you start."

- Emily Schuman of Cupcakes and Cashmere, via The Everygirl

At a book signing. Because she wrote a book. I want her life. Patience.

When the Mr. and I started organizing our house, we also started daydreaming about design and decor for it. Shockingly (I kid, I kid), we have two different approaches to setting up a home. 

He likes to getitalldonerightnow.

I like to take my time and shop around.

He likes to make decisions on budget alone.

I see quality as paramount. 

He prefers simplicity. 

I prefer unique, story-full pieces.

He's Ikea and Target.

I'm World/Flea/Farmer's Market.

See how this could be a conflict?

As most people do after a big move, we had Chinese takeout one night. One of the fortune cookies said something like:

"Persistence and determination will be rewarded."

Basically, stick to a plan and see it through. Be patient. You wont be sorry.

I promptly taped it up on the fridge (our fridge is not magnetized... I swear the Mr. did this to me on purpose... no quirky magnets!) to both remind us to enjoy the process, seek to meet both of our desires for designing a home (synchronously), and royally piss him off! In a loving way of course. 

Now we take turns moving the fortune around. I found it in the silverware drawer a day or two later. It's now on his sink in the master bath. Mwahahaha!

How to Design a House

It's easy.

All you have to do it make a million reflective decisions over the course of a lifetime in conjunction with any other figureheads in your household. Oh, and on a budget! Oh, and don't make mistakes because it will cost you to return the rug/repaint that room/replace that broken mirror!

Oh! and shoot me.

We bought paint for our entire house this past weekend because Sherwin Williams (lovingly to me, Sure-Will... as in "Will this navy paint look too dark/not cover enough of the previous color? Sure, will!").

We had to make decisions on the vision for 5+ spaces in a matter of hours in order to get 40% off quality paint and 30% off supplies. (Sale goes through today [Monday], Chicagoans!)

Geeper creeper I've got a case of the weepers.

But, all you girlfriends of mine would be so proud of me. I put on my big girl pants and just made. some. damn. decisions.

Who knows. Maybe it's all wrong. We didn't get samples this time around (they are a waste of money since they're not guaranteed to match the paint you actually buy) and we didn't hang up swatches on the wall and stew over them for days on end. We just looked through the paint deck I sweet-talked out of Sure-Will (for free) and just picked.

Afterall, we stewed-n-brewed over the shades of Navy to use in our bedroom and ended up with a different color entirely because of the mismatched samples (damn you, test pots!). And you know what? The color is fine. We all lived. It will look awesome once I style the pants off that room.

We bought the 2nd best style of paint they offered and went to town. With the current sale running and a $15 off coupon we used, we got supplies (starting from scratch) and quality paint for the whole house for under $400. Not bad, right?

So what colors did we decide on?

Source: sherwin-williams.com via J on Pinterest

Source: sherwin-williams.com via J on Pinterest

Source: sherwin-williams.com via J on Pinterest

Source: sherwin-williams.com via J on Pinterest

Source: sherwin-williams.com via J on Pinterest

Seaworthy, Clary Sage, Ivoire, Rice Grain and Perfect Greige.

The first one is the kicker and the rest are playing it safe. We painted the kicker this weekend (our master bedroom) and needed a break from being kicked. The rest of the house should be calmer.

Seeing them all lined up like that makes me like their inter-play better. I can see the household vision more now.

North-American earthy, natural but a bit dramatic, more masculine. Think: wood, glass, steel, concrete, fur, no-frilly edges, some plants, iron, black and brown mixed, wool, down feathers, wicker, cork, brass, ceramics.

What is your house "vision"?

Do you tie all rooms together or do you use them as individual canvases?

Beverage pairing? A rhubarb cocktail from the cocktail box B.Lill send me. Good gravy, what a good gift!

Cyber Bullying

*Update at bottom

I wondered what the hot topic was going to be today. Women. Gay rights. Welfare. Money. Religion.

So many topics on which to express myself and possibly offend people. But I want to take a moment to be sincere (and coherent... wtf was last night's post, people?!) about our human relationships.

I've never said anything on this blog that I wouldn't say to someone in person. That doesn't mean that I think I'm in the right when I voice my brash opinions here, but it does mean that I'm being authentic.

And sometimes, it means I'm mean. I can be a bully. Truth.

And the internet makes bullying so easy.

I'm not just talking Mean Girls type Facebook assaults by 14 year olds. I mean, full-on adult hate crime.

exhibit A, Muslim hate-film maker

The above example is an extreme one. This is a man who hated on an entire religion of people through the internet and his hatred got people killed.

Oddly enough, I was going to write on cyber-bullying before this story even showed its parallels to my own experience (as both the critic and the criticized).

1) The internet allows for voluntary anonymity. This man above is nameless, faceless in pictures, and even claimed to be a Jew to shroud his real identity - a Coptic Christian. For shame. When we aren't willing to wage our identity on what we project online, we are cowards. We should never put criticism out there - online or in-person - if we aren't willing to own up to our words.

Come to think of it, though, he's no so anonymous is he? Being apprehended and all...

(I use a pen-name for my own intrigue, but all of your comments come to me and I see them. I have pictures out there. You all know enough about me to communicate with me and that is fair  and safe.)

2) The internet is a blanket medium. People everywhere ('crickets' in N. Korea, though), of all ages, of all backgrounds can see what you write. You can't guarantee that your girlfriends will see your weekend out pictures and that those pictures won't get around to your boss. Even if you encrypt stuff. Think "copy/paste/forward". Don't put anything out into the world that you aren't proud of, that you wouldn't want others to see, and that you couldn't look your mother in the eyes after writing.

I never intended for my family to see some of the stuff I write here, but when they got a hold of the URL, you bet I cleaned it up. Or at least, I had some serious talks with them to make sure they were cool with it.

3) Good in is good out. This is sort of alluded to in the above statements, but it's important enough to bear is own point. Whether you believe in karma or not, putting good into the world is a good way to up your chances of having good things happen to you. Think about it. If you are positive, uplifting, helpful, kind, encouraging, supportive, honest and reflective, don't you think that people will treat you with kindness and respect? It may not always happen that way, but if you are negative, short-tempered, quick to react out of anger or ill-willed, don't you think people would want to at least avoid you?

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Karma
Whatever you want to call it.

And for that, I should apologize to Mrs. Type-A of In Good Faith. I wrote a comment on her blog a while back questioning her choice of kitchen appliance by is green-ability. I was underhanded in my comment. I hope you accept this apology and hopefully you get a few hits to your blog from that link!

4) I've said this a million times, but your money AND YOUR ATTENTION are your vote. If you don't like what someone is doing/saying/writing, don't read it. Don't support their cause by giving them pageviews. Don't stick around just so you can harbor hatred about their opinions. Negative attention is still attention. Controversy is gold to writers. Don't feed the pigeons, mmk?

I once stopped following a blogger who was clearly going through something emotional and was asking her readers if they'd ever strip/hook for money. Instead of commenting on my strong opinion on the situation, I just stopped following her blog. It kept me from harboring negative feelings/getting worked up and it kept her from having to hear my rant. Win/win.

I certainly sometimes encourage differing opinions on my blog. At the risk of sounding "do as I say, not as I do", I want to express that I am open to change. When I ask for differing opinions or personal stories, I want to hear them to test out what I think. I am truly interested in conversation and want to know what you think. I know I don't have all of the answers, so I won't dog on you for writing to me honestly.

Whew. I guess I have been storing up some words for, say, a week!

**UPDATE**
Excerpt from Why Did Jesus, Moses, the Buddha and Muhammad Cross the Road

So why might Jesus, Moses, the Buddha, and Mohammed cross the road? Imagine if the answer were, "To go to a bar." That answer wouldn't be funny, and many, in fact, would find it offensive. But wouldn't that open the way for another joke that would begin, "Jesus, Moses, the Buddha, and Mohammed walk into a bar ..."

Walking into a bar, of course, is the scene of even more jokes than crossing a road. So we might expect a chuckle as Mohammed orders a Wahabi cocktail — a mixed drink of warm milk, sugar, and hot tea (since alcohol is officially forbidden to Muslims, and the Wahabis are known for their strictness on such matters). We might expect a smile as the Buddha makes a sage comment about the mindful breaking of the Fifth Precept, after which he orders a mojito, then makes a toast "to moderation in all things, including following the Fifth Precept." And perhaps there would be outright laughter if Moses were to part his margarita and Jesus were to order water and then, with a wink, turn it into a fine Stellenbosch pinotage.

Flip-It Friday: How Do You Make Up?

"We fight we break up we kiss me make up..."

You tell 'em Katy Perry.

So how do you make up?

Do you apologize first? Do you always require an apology (not a bad thing, I think)? Do you act like nothing was ever wrong and just move past it? Do you have a drag-out-drawn-out discussion over the matter until everything's out on the table? Do you have a song-fight like Katy in the video?

I'm more of a bullet-points-on-the-issue-only-please and lets-get-this-over-with-and-go-eat-dinner kinda person.

You?

(I can't believe I've blogged about Katy Perry more than once... her name is a tag option!)

Purge!

It seems it's trendy now to live on less and get rid of stuff in order to do so.

Exhibit A: the NY Times
Exhibit B and C: blogs I follow, a home improvement one and a fashion one.

All of which make me feel ashamed to own 3 eye liners.

Discussing this issue with another purge-driven lady, we decided that closet content is amorphous. It's like a gas - no matter how much you take out, the remaining contents take up the whole space. It's never ending and exhausting.

Pictures from when I last cleaned out my closet and how, although I took out quite a bit, I still felt overwhelmed with stuff. 


And yes, that is a thick, mountain-scene-howling-wolf-esque blanket on our bed... it's the only thing I ever stole and it was retribution for a mile walk in the cold. I'll explain another time... maybe.

We've all see the hoarders shows where they help people categorize by creating piles for "keep", "give away" and "trash". If you don't need it, give it to someone who does or throw it away it no one needs it.

Simple, right? But what about our emotional attachment to some things. What about sentimental gifts. What about specific items used for specific purposes that are valuable but not frequently used. Are they worth a storage unit?

Hmm. Noodle on that. Ask yourself, "If I had to pay to keep this in storage, would it be worth it?"

S and I plan to clean out our guest room closet in the coming weekends. It's really gotten away from us since we moved in a year ago. I'm baffled at the stuff 2 people can keep without knowing why.

I think this will be our first major overhaul of clutter that we've done together of a shared space. I anticipate a few tiffs over it.

When we moved in, he hated this vintage mirror I bought of craig's list and wanted to get rid of some of my wicker items.
When we moved in, I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why he kept his high school text books. High school, people... textbooks!

So this closet might be a good test of our patience. My plan for success and minimal bruising is:

A) Go in open-minded, willing to throw things away. If I'm going to ask him to part with ridiculous French language CDs that he's never listened to, I need to be prepared to pare down my wrapping paper. One of my favorite ideas from the NYT article is that we need to allow ourselves to get rid of sentimental things. After all, we aren't throwing away the feeling, we're just making room for our homes and psyche to breathe.

B) Stay on task. See the big picture. Sometimes when purging, we get so hung up in the details that we spend 3 hours going through a collection of finger paint artwork whilst sitting in a pile of junk. Also, if your purge process will take long enough to need a lunch break, make sure you time it and get right back to work!

C) Clean as you go. Somewhere between Mr. S's and my cleaning style should be a happy medium. Don't be so OCD that you slow down or stop. Don't be so flippant that you end up putting things away dirty either. (We take turns being overly thorough and avoidant: this past week he told me cleaned the bathroom... but somehow that didn't include the shower or the toilet bowl... And I will just walk right over cat vomit and let him clean it up... I mean, they're his cats! haha.)

D) When purging with another person, be considerate. We all have histories with our stuff. So when you see empty picture frames or find yet a 5th winter coat, be patient with your partner. Be open to them questioning your keepsakes as you treat them with kid gloves. Remind each other of the end goal (space, emotionally and physically) and work towards it together.

Now off you go to clean out your junk drawer or frolic in a field.

---

I should just start making this portion of the blog my personal update section. I guess that's why I have another blog, though!

Tipsy Tuesday: Fair Weather Friend or Season(s) of Love?

I'm a major fan of "setting expectations". I don't know if I like them because they give me some control over situations with others or if it's the introvert in me that likes to know what to expect.

Either way, most of us expect to make some key friends in life and we even expect to keep some of them. But does that mean that we should keep all of them?

I wrote this post about breaking up with friends a while back (My dear friend Anna wrote a comment for it! She and I had lunch today and it was bittersweet as she is moving to North Carolina to start a new job. Congrats, Anna! I'll miss you tons!).

To know when to break it off with a friend, you should evaluate your friendship and decide if that friend is connected to you in one of the following ways:

1) Fair Weather Friend

These friends can be fished out by one litmus test: moving. If you ask your friends to help you move, or at least to help pack and they either don't call/email you back or they come up with a lame excuse not to help you, then they aren't a good friend. I've had friends come through for me in my most horrible moves even when it's inconvenient for them. Good friends move their good friends. Other symptoms of a fair weather friend include: only wanting to go out with you if they like the bar/it's near them, cancelling plans repeatedly, or never asking you how YOU are and really wanting to know the answer.

Keep or cut? Cut!

2) Seasonal Friend

These friends are in your life for a season. Call it serendipity or call it God's plan, either way these friends come into your life for the two of you to learn/grow with and from each other for a finite period of time. Seasons change and so do these friends. They wont be in your life forever, but that's ok. Be prepared to accept new friends as you enter new seasons of life and also to let some friends go that move into seasons different from your own. Symptoms of a seasonal friend: not having time for you after they get married/have a baby, giving you the cold shoulder for dinner plans now that they are over that breakup/feeling better/no longer your coworker, or not wanting to hang out with you now that you don't drink. I cannot stress enough that it is OK for friendship seasons to end. Life is full of changes and adjustments. If we kept the same friends our whole lives and only those friend, imagine how little we'd grow!

Keep or cut? Cut if they are toxic to you (keeping you from growing or encouraging activities that harm you) or keep until one of you feels the twinge of seasonal change, then its ok to let them fade.

3) Growing Together Friend

These friends change with you. Whether they hit life's seasons at your rate or a different one, they still connect with you and desire to support you. They call when you need them (or don't call because they know you hate the phone), show up even if they can only spend an hour with you, can carry on a one-sided conversation when you don't feel like talking, let you cry in public over your breakup (or in the deodorant isle over ... God knows what) and act like it's normal and rationalize eating drunk food with you. They're also vulnerable with you. They tell you what makes them insecure. You're the one they call when they lock themselves out of their car or have a fight with their boyfriend. Friends that grow together don't need to see each other every year or talk on the phone often to maintain this bond. It's an understood, symbiotic, lasting relationship.

via

Keep these people as long as you can and embrace snail mail! Pen pals are the best.

Song suggestions: Laughing With by Regina Spektor or, because of the title, Seasons of Love from Rent.

via

No Butts or Filibustering About It!

Source: bit.ly via Mandy on Pinterest

Last night I had book club with some lovely ladies at a swanky wine bar in Logan Square. We discussed Rules of Civility - a great read by most standards.

 The conversation turned to manners and upbringing and some of us agreed that we were interrupters. We will blatantly talk over you to get our point across and straight cut you off.

Now, I know this is rude - I'm one of the offenders! What do we do to stop ourselves from cutting other people off?

We can start by listening. If you are actively listening and not just waiting for them to take a breath so you can butt in, then most likely you'll see that the conversation is organically moving away from your soon-to-be-moot point anyway. Give up your zinger point for the good of the conversation and wait your turn. You might also be taking the spotlight away from a quieter contributor. Don't squeeze people out.

I am terrible at waiting for my turn in conversation. My dad has told me more than once, "Let me finish!" And I always know that I'm in the wrong. Some of us may not have dads telling us to wait. And all of us have friends that are kind enough not to reprimand us for butting in. Let's all do them a favor and pause before we speak to allow others to finish their thoughts. 

[Disclaimer: The woman who brought this up was in no way being a butt-in-ski in our convos. She just brought it up for discussion.]

On the flip-side (which I'm also guilty of, yet on fewer occasions than interrupting), if you are the speaker please don't filibuster the conversation! It is a power-play and unkind to your fellows. You are controlling the conversation by talking through everyone. It shows that you are less confident in your argument and are seeking to wear the others out rather than win them over. No one is listening to you anyway. Say things once and end it with a "know what I mean?" before launching into scenarios and multiple explanations. Be concise. Pause if you have to think of the right words to say, don't keep rambling until you get it right. Less is more here, people.

Do you have any bad habits that you are seeking to correct?

Tipsy Tuesday: Say "No" to No Commitment

My list of single friends (or family members) is dwindling, but for those of your out there who still are, this is for you.

Its super cliche, but if you are with someone and know that it's not going anywhere you MUST let them go. For both of your sakes. Maybe you're on the fence (but you have clear-cut signs from them - that you may be ignoring), but you cannot just wait there... on that fence... ouch! Keep living your life and make it known to them that it's all-or-nothing with you.

One of my recent roommates (before I got married) did this when some guy was flipping between dating her and dating his ex-girlfriend (yikes!). She put her foot down and said, "Hey, it's fine if you want to date her, but we you can't have both. I'm [out-skis]." And not that this is commonplace, but once she stood up for herself, he respected her more. He eventually came around to date her exclusively and they're happily together now.

We've all hung onto people for too long before and it's only hurt more to end it. Rip the band-aid off quickly.

The following are lies you may have heard:

- He said he wanted to be friends and we went straight from dating to being friends. Seamlessly. I don't feel hurt at all. In fact, I'm so not-hurt he comes over to change the light bulbs when I need him and even brought his new girlfriend so I could meet her. We're. such. good. friends.

- We're free to see other people while we date. I mean, I'm not seeing anyone, but I could if I wanted to. I just don't want to... 

- I'm still talking to him because he owes me money/has my sweatshirt/gives me that birthday gift. The second I get what belongs to me, I'm done.

- I need him.

- He needs me.

- I don't have anyone else in my life.

Lies, lies, lies. You're not friends, he's cheating on you, your stuff's not worth it, no you don't, no he doesn't, sure you do. You're reading this, aren't you?

You can't let anyone else in until you push him/her out. I've been on both sides of this situation and it's not worth hanging on. Draw a clear line in the sand and go your separate ways.

Sorry, this one was content-heavy and preachy. I get fired up about this nonsense.

Bev? How about something with, appropriately, bitters :)

99 Problems and B*tches Be All Of 'Em?

Here's a map of the female heart to help you.

BTW, I love this print.
Originally seen on I Love Charts.

Men Are Visual, So Use a Visual Aid

I'm reading a book on how men are different from women. S read the man's version of this book and found it helpful, so here's to trying to do well in my relationship. *clink

In the book they reiterate that men are visual.

So I took that to mean, among other things, that if I want ikat pillows in orange and blue for our living room, I should show S what it looks like for those pillows to live with us.

Ergo - my first moodboard in the replica of our living room. A bit choppy, but not too bad for my first one.



Take home advice: Show-and-tell works better than just "tell".

Flip-It Friday: "Forgiveness...Is More Than Saying So-rry."

Bahahaha! I can't help myself. Just Friends is most likely my favorite movie Ev-Ah!! Even just watching part of that clip makes me smile like an invalid. If people would still hang out with me if I acted like Samantha James, I would. In fact, I think I do occasionally act like S. James. I just need the fame to back me up.

Sigh. What was I doing...?

Oh.

Blogging a Flip-It Friday.

So, how do you say you're sorry? Do you lead with gift? (i.e. flowers, candy, a song??) Do you email them? Text? Sit down with them eye-to-eye?

Do you even say the words "I'm sorry" or do you skirt it by saying other nice things to pacify the situation like "I don't want to fight" or "Let's just drop it".

Are you the type of person who holds out until the other party apologizes first? Do you apologize even when you feel you weren't wrong?

I heard a quote that was something to the effect of: I don't apologize because I was wrong, I apologize because I value our relationship more than I value being right.

I have a hard time saying I'm sorry, but have gotten a bit better over the years. I struggle with pride and apologizing requires you to put your pride aside. I still struggle though.

Common Sense on a Blogroll Wednesday: Bitches Be Crazy

Noteable notes from the blogroll:

Milk may help with PMS.

The aforementioned point may help the dairy industry.

The dairy industry gave us this website.

This website is funny.

Humor helps cure bad moods.

PMS is a bad mood that lasts for a week and makes you mad/depressed/fat/sad/apathetic/hypersensitive/overreactive all at the same time.

So... transitivly, even if milk does nothing chemically for PMS, at least the website will help PMS sufferers (both first and second hand) feel less like punching a wall.

I found this website and photo from this blog.

Flip-It Friday: Call It! The Time Of Dating Death

Sometimes when a fresh relationship goes sour, its obvious. The stench of unreturned texts. The wrinkles of impenetrable schedules. The mold of "It's not you, it's me."!!

Other times, we stand waiting for the wagon and it never comes.



via

*cough, cough*

Now that I have all the analogies out of my system, let's discuss how you know when a dating relationship is dead in the water.

Do you call it when someone can't make for you 4 weekends in a row? Are they really that busy?

Do you call it when their same-sex-outings (a la "girls night") take over prime time Friday AND Saturday? Or are they just a really good, popular friend?

How many days (or weeks) do you let pass without a text/call/face-to-face?

Do texts even count?*

Tell me your thoughts. Tell me your stories. Tell me if you are currently in limbo!

*I had a guy ask me out via text and I kept acting like I didn't know what he was talking about. I certainly did, but text? Really? He finally put in all-caps-texty-shouting "I'M TRYING TO ASK YOU OUT ON A DATE". I told him I got that, but would it kill him to pick up the phone? Apparently it did. The texting tapered off. I called it. Time of death? When all wooing was lost in texty translation.

Flip-It Friday: How long should someone be engaged?

You heard the question. Now, tell me, how long? Should it vary?

How long should you date before you get engaged? Is there a window of time that's optimal to "sh*t or get off the pot"?




Photo via thomasmarlow photography. The rings are mine and my husband's :)

Ten tips Tuesday: advice on dates (the late night/barely thinking clearly edition)

'tis only 9:30 (on Wednesday, I know I'm late) and I am thumb-penning this in bed from my phone. Between the w's of life (wedding, work, when's-Jesus-comin'-back-so-I-can-take-a-load-off-already?!), blogging has fallen by the wayside. Boo.

Anyway, down to bit-ness.

While weekend dates are more formal and straightforward, weeknight dates for drinks can be less clear. Here are some tips to be a weeknight datin' fool.

1) be early. If you're meeting up after work, give yourself plenty of time to be early so that you can secure a table/seat at the bar. Even if this means pushing your date back 15 min when you schedule it.
2) although weeknight dates are more relaxed typically, try to give it the same treatment you would a weekend date. If you bring flowers normally, do that.
3) order food. This may seem obvious but if you are coming from work and going straight to get drinks, at least get an appetizer for BOTH of your sakes.
4) don't make them watch you eat dinner. If your date isn't interested in getting dinner even at your urging, don't force it. No one likes to watch another person eat. If you cannot wait to eat, consider cutting the date short. Think I'm harsh? You choose. Your date or your dinner.
5) bedtime. No, not the sexy kind. Know when to quit so that they see you as responsible enough to want you both to have a productive day at work following the date.
6) pick a quieter place if you can so you can make the most of your conversation. Clubs are for Saturdays... And douche bags.
7) capitalize on a happy hour special or byob place. Any date worth their salt will appreciate you saving some paper (get it... Salt and paper? *note to self- copyright that as a band name.) Use the extra cash to spring for a cab. Your dates workday tootsies will thank you.
8) which brings me to cabs. If it's late or can just swing it to be nice, get your date a cab and prepay the driver for them. It'll help you end on a high note when the last impression they get of you is a thoughtful gesture.
9) don't blog on melatonin.
10) order the fish.

Gaga and I say goodnight to all the little monsters of the world.

Flip-it Friday: Break Point Bridge Burning

Maybe I should have a post theme for every day of the week. Seems that a theme keeps me accountable to posting. Ho hum.

Happy Friday, ra-ra-ra-readers. I don't know about you, but I'm ready for it. I had a shower this past weekend and my future in-laws in town. I just flew in from LaLa Land and boy are my arms tired. (*crickets)

Anywho, welcome to the weekend. As colder and rainy weather threatens to move some BBQ plans indoors I'd like to ask your advice on more things to cut this week: your losses. Yes, those points are truly unrelated, but dress code to my Friday Head-party is logic-optional.

When do you cut your losses with a friend or job? How much are you willing to let go before you snap and walk away from the gamble of it working out? How many months or years of heartache? In my past relationships, I have had a tendency to let bridges burn to the bitter end rather than packing up at the first snift of smoke. I like to think I'm smarter now. How about you? What is your relationship breaking point?