The Twit Spams Are So Use Lists

Click to enlarge and see a heavy correlation between bacon graphics and mustache comments. Neither Ivan nor Nathan need to be ashamed of their hashtags, language barriers or lip swiffers.

Online Dating

IT'S REAL, PEOPLE!

Now that you're in the mood for online dating, let's discuss.

I never got the chance to date online and to be honest I'm jealous of my friends who have. It sounds really fun and the stigma about it is slipping away.

Heck, last night we had our real estate agent and his wife over for dinner (I made this with a few variations) and they told us how they met on match.com.

And I have two other girlfriends who are happily married for a few years now to men they met online.

And another girlfriend I know used a site I've never heard of to meet her new boyfriend.

Even my MIL has had some success online dating.

It makes so much sense, you know?

If someone's a smoker, boom, you can decline to meet them. If someone shares your love of pie eating contests, boom, take them for coffee.

You can pre-qualify your dates, get people who are closer to your ideal and only spend time with people who are looking for what you are (a short fling or the long haul).

So I applaud you Tinder, Match.com, J-Date and yes, you too FarmersOnly.com.

Yee-haw!


I saw farmersonly.com here first. 

Flip-It Friday: Blogging is like singing with headphones in... in prison.

A friend was picking my brain (ew!) about blogging lately and said I could re-purpose the whole shebang for a blog post. Lucky me, luck you.

What is your view of personal blogging in general? 
I like posts that share personal stories, teach us something and/or have a good plot to them. I don't like blogs that are:
- all about someone's outfit of the day/hair products/well-designed inspiring quote from an author they've never read.
- not well edited. Good writers are only made so by good editing. Brevity is an art form in itself!
- have no tension or conflict (Your mom* may be the only one who wants to hear about the errands you ran today or what you ate for lunch.)
- have conflicting viewpoints (One cannot post about budget finds from a store supplied by sweatshops alongside lipstick that stops human trafficking.)

Though, I don't have to have anything in common with the writer (Orange County mom of 4) to love how they write and what they write about.

Why do you do it? 
Because I'm a middle child and I have the deep-seeded need to be heard... and social media makes it so easy to feel like a star! Seriously, though, I do it because writing and thinking are synonymous to me. It's how I process life. And its probably why I've retracted some things (hello, Kony 2012) as I learn and evolve. I have such a habit of thinking in a writing format (i.e. full sentences, editing as I go, picking words that sound good to me) and I now write blog posts in my head while walking the dog, brushing my teeth, sitting in traffic. Not all on-the-go thinking gets written down, but I do get the satisfaction of knowing that the thought has been thought. Ya know?

How do you disconnect from readers and just write what you want? Or do you struggle with that? This has been a process. It's trial and error. I often think,"My dad is going to read this" and that keeps me from going overboard. Although, I do write about politics, religion and women's health so much that it's a wonder he still reads. I think he comes for the pictures of Roo. Which is also a good point - throw in some cute dog pics and people will forgive you!

You mentioned in one post you "don't feel safe in your own blog" since family members got the address, how real is that concern? Does it effect what you write? 
How I felt in that scenario is how one feels when they've been caught dancing and singing while wearing headphones. And I believe that some family has stopped reading because of that. Oh well. Again, its the "processing" thing I mentioned above. I had not shared my URL with many people when the Mr. thought he was doing me a PR favor by handing it out. I felt violated. Like someone had been reading my middle school diary. I can't write about some things because the situations are too specific for me to generalize with fake names and locations. Unfortunately some of my best/worst thoughts cannot be expressed because of the people involved. It is restrictive, but I keep going and honestly think that it's better this way. Everything written online is out there forever so it's better that I censor myself. Plus, I've been able to use my blog to leverage freelance opportunities now.

What is your view of writing things that offend people? (like you said you did sometimes) Does that make you nervous or do you just not care? 
Blogging is like prison. Beat someone up right away and no one will mess with you. (J/K... I think). I'm as bold online as I am in real life. I'm not afraid of tough conversations or confrontations. I've gotten into it with another blogger before. Not badly, but we did exchange snarky comments. I realized then that I need to speak my piece on MY blog. Instead of leaving inciting comments on someone else's blog, I can use those points to launch into a counter-post on my site. I get to control the content and they get to ignore my criticism. Win, win.

How much time do you spend on it (mental head space as well as executing posts)? 
Some posts are 15 minutes, some are an hour. If there are a lot of pictures or if the post is on a sensitive topic, I like to spend more time on them. If I spend more than an hour I know I haven't perfected the idea and I save the post in drafts. I stick by my idea of brevity.

Do you have any goals, like to get more readers? Comments? 
I used to watch the pageviews more. I had goals to get more comments too. But I don't have sponsors and I don't make any money on my site. If I did, I think I'd be worried about the numbers more - but I also wouldn't be able to write about whatever I want. The difference between a hobby and a job-by is the paycheck, right? I think I'll forgo monetary strings to be able to rant for now.

So why do/would YOU blog? 

Or have I just scared you?

This doesn't scare me (maybe it does?). And it has nothing to do with this post. I just hope in my heart of hearts that this is how they dress at home.

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*Your mom!

Come on in and Laugh with Me

I saw an SUV dragging a case of beer that was caught under it's suspension on the highway to work today.


I was checking out this really cool woodland house on Apartment Therapy and loved the way one of the two men described their style:

Our style is a mix of laid back Hamptons and California ease. Think the gay male version of Ina Garten, “and who doesn’t love that?”

Michele-ah Bella Boo-Boo Bachmann isn't seeking reelection. If anything her outspoken sound bites have reinforced that I need to put the keyboard down sometimes.

In August 2006, the Minneapolis Star Tribune reported that in March 2006, Bachmann was on a Minneapolis radio show advocating for a state constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. A caller asked her to explain how he, a heterosexual, would be harmed if his gay neighbors were allowed to marry. Bachmann replied saying, "Public schools would have to teach that homosexuality and same-sex marriage are normal, natural and that maybe children should try them." The Star Tribune also reported that Bachmann has publicly referred to homosexuality as "sexual dysfunction," "sexual identity disorders," and "personal enslavement" that leads to "sexual anarchy." (via)

On a similar note, Bob Dole launches up out of his wheel chair for five points on today's Republican party. One of them is just. one. word:

3) Nixon?

She's 41, she's single, and she doesn't care that you don't have teeth.

Tipsy Tuesday: Put Down the Keyboard, Vigilante

I can get bogged down in fruitless work in my professional and personal life.

Like, are people going to even notice if I put those files into a color-coded binder? Or can I just stuff them in manilla and walk away?  I have to ask myself periodically if going the extra mile is worth it.

I can also get bogged down in self-righteousness in the blog community.

Like, some nice bloggers I know seems to contradict themselves in their blog by preaching about God's love one minute and featuring ethically questionable products from Forever 21/H&M/The Gap/Zara/Wal-Mart/Target the next. Does it do anything to write a scathing comment on their post? Would calling them out help anything? Most likely, no. It will just make them mad or expose my self-righteousness.

I can also feel guilty for not recycling in a country where recycling is easy.

Like, when you're at a beach-side barbecue and the host doesn't offer a recycling option, but has bags of Styrofoam plates for disposal. Do you make an ass of yourself by eating a hot dog with no safety net for dripping condiments and hoard soda cans in your purse for the hour's ride back home to recycle them? No.

I, J.Mill, release myself from these self imposed obligations. While I won't lower my work ethic or compassion, I'll also not alienate people over a La Croix can. I'll try to live humbly in this glass house and hope that someone doesn't catch me taking 20 minute showers.

via

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Beverage pairing: Lime and cucumber infused water. We need to detox after back-to-back parties this weekend.

LinkedIn Sent Me A Gift to Get Me Through Wednesday

Peter wants to be friends on LinkedIn.

Or he wants to make love to whatever is off to his right.

I want no part of it either way. Sorry, Pete.

Top O' The Monday Morning To Ya

Highlight of my day so far?

This man trying to connect with me on LinkedIn.

Please, Lord, let his beard always wave in the wind.

I respectfully declined.

Flip-It Friday: TMI OMG or, as a vanity license plate once told me, "LOL AMG"

I seriously saw that license plate this morning on my way to work. To save my head from caving in, I told myself that is was "Allah, my God". I'm praying for you, BMW. In the way that Babe Walker prays for hard boiled eggs. 

TMI. Too Much Information.

I have done it here, to be honest. I could talk women's issues until the cows and their udders come home!

A friend of mine from childhood put up a series of FB status posts about how she's going to the doc to have a pregnancy checkup that punctuated (the posts, not the checkup) with a statement of "I'm getting my tubes tied after this one."

And she wasn't joking.

Bravo for her not wanting to have so many children that she can't support them. Bravo for making family planning decisions that can be hard and controversial. Bravo for going to get checked out while pregnant.

But thanks for sharing? My judgement alarm was squealin' and free wheelin'.

Like I said, I share a lot on this blog. I know a variety of people read it and sometimes the content is not suited for all of them/you equally. Not everything can be puppies and meatloaf, ammiright?

Am I in a pot-kettle situation?

How much do you share on social sites?

Do you share information only on a need-to-know basis?

A mouse howling at the moon. Maybe he's over-sharing too?

Flip-It Friday - More on Floors with a Bonus Feature of Shame

Source: dwellstudio.com via J on Pinterest

So what do you think of this one? It's on super-sale.

I probably wont get it as it's a thin rug and not plushy-plush. Thanks for your input though.

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Good, now that we got that out of the way.

I want to talk to the kids for a minute. I want to talk to them about smoking their future.

I got into a political discussion this morning - before 8 AM. It was not heated or angry but we certainly all weren't in agreement on big issues. It was good, save for one thing.

One of us had NO CLUE what she was talking about.

I've been known to spout my mouth when I'm under-informed. I admit it. We all do it sometimes.

But when you don't recognize the current Vice President of The United States when he comes on TV, take that as a sign to start gettin' learned.

Meet Joe. He may offend you, but he's kinda a big deal.

Now, I'm trying to learn to limit my verbal opinions (bet you can tell where I stand, though). I'm trying to not use this blog as an outlet* for my view on the hot topics. I try to lead in with pictures of rugs and questions of "do you like this one?" I make myself sick sometimes with the level of blogger bull I re-purpose just for some pageviews.

Does that drive you nuts, too?

I can't tell what makes me crazier: The fact that I am pandering to a short-attention-spanned, vane, blind-follower, Kardashian-concerned, idiot race of my peers... or that I'm substituting that for what I care about.

Basically, am I more concerned that I am becoming accustomed to lowbrow interests? Or that my peers are that low in the first place.

Don't worry. I'm not calling you lowbrow (although I do think you should educate yourself). I think I'm calling myself a sell-out.

Microphone drop. Hangs head in shame.

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*This blog used to be an outlet. I could say whatever I wanted to here when no one was listening. Then my dear husband gave the URL to his dear mother (unsolicited... how apropro) and I decided the cat was out of the bag and distributed my blog to family and friends. I wonder all the time if I should have just kept it secret. A diary or wailing wall, if you can imagine. 

Heaven Help Me

I got into a political disagreement on Facebook yesterday. Blah blah opinion. Blah blah rhetoric. Blah blah propaganda. 

I got so heated by a few comments that I wanted to defriend all of the people involved, block them from my feed or call them out and then delete my whole Facebook account.

The cherry on top? It was nearing my bedtime and I could not calm down.

I put something funny on TV, but that didn't distract me. My heart would start racing again during commercials, when I had a chance to think about the opposing opinions.

So I turned everything off, vowed not to look at my phone again for the night and tried to go to sleep.

Still fired up.

So I prayed.

Before I could even ask for a way to forget the whole thing, God laid this on me: Matthew 5:17.

Now, I don't know this verse by heart. I wasn't even aware of how potent this scripture is. I just got this blinking vision of Matthew 5:17 in the heart of my eyes. Or the eyes of my heart. I'm not sure, it was all pretty transcendental.

I looked it up right then and there. Here's a transcript from The Message version of the Bible. This is Jesus talking:

17-18 "Don't suppose for a minute that I have come to demolish the Scriptures— either God's Law or the Prophets. I'm not here to demolish but to complete. I am going to put it all together, pull it all together in a vast panorama. God's Law is more real and lasting than the stars in the sky and the ground at your feet. Long after stars burn out and earth wears out, God's Law will be alive and working. 

(Picture of Mars from earlier this month. This has taken us lifetimes, but imagine how much larger the whole universe is?!)

19-20 "Trivialize even the smallest item in God's Law and you will only have trivialized yourself. But take it seriously, show the way for others, and you will find honor in the kingdom. Unless you do far better than the Pharisees in the matters of right living, you won't know the first thing about entering the kingdom.

I could make it my life's work (or at least a week's work) to dissect every word in those verses, but let me parse out some cliff notes:

1. Jesus emphasizes God's Law. He asks us to understand that we cannot understand how the 'big picture' is going to play out. I think that's a call to faith and obedience.
2. Jesus wants us to take it seriously and SHOW others how to live within God' Law. SHOW not TELL. Live it out, be the best example. No finger-pointing.
3. The Pharisees were a political party or group of like-minded individuals who saw the world through political eyes. Like them, the Sadducees were sorta their opposition. 

Not to parse it further, but we should visit what "God's Law" is exactly? Welp, it's the 10 commandments. But I love how Jesus sums them up with 2 themes in Matthew 22:

34-36 When the Pharisees heard how he had bested the Sadducees, they gathered their forces for an assault. One of their religion scholars spoke for them, posing a question they hoped would show him up: "Teacher, which command in God's Law is the most important?" 

37-40 Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them."

Brilliant, yes? So freaking serendipitous!

Anger is not loving. Judgement is not loving. Rebuke outside of the context of a relationship is not loving. Argument for the sake of being right is not loving.

Right or left. Democrat, Republican or other. Pharisee or Sadducee. Are you living well? Are you loving well? I know Christians on the Right and on the Left that could use a heart-check.

I'll be first in line for heart-check screenings.

I welcome your thoughts, guys.

Bubbles and Turtles

The bubble popped.
We're experiencing a slow deflation.
Slow and steady (LinkedIn) wins the race.

Is social media over?

Thanks for the Desk Stuff

My friends Sarah and Shannon gave me a few things to adorn my office the last time I saw them.

Flower pens from Sarah (she made them from colored tape!) and a picture frame from Shannon (made from a recycled keyboard!).

I hear they are getting together this weekend in Colorado. Alas, I cannot go, but I wish them a fun weekend!

If you're interested in following my other social outlets, check me out on Pinterest, Instagram (@unsolicitedadvice) and Twitter (@millar08). I'd put the URLs in here, but my employer blocks those sites. Boo.

The Secret to Success: More Meaningful Mornings

I just typed a lot about how to have a meaningful morning. Then I erased it. On purpose. I realized that I was wasting your time and mine with the babbling.

So if you want to read about meaningful mornings, go here.

If you want to see something pretty:

Source: Uploaded by user via Jennifer on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

Source: olesiafx.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

These are a few of my favorite things.

You're welcome.

My Monday Advice: Be Scrupulous

On my other blog I mentioned FastCompany too. I can't help myself this morning. They have so much great content to share.

As we are continually getting thicker and thicker with political opinion, the elephants have yet to choose a ring leader and the donkeys are still throwing popcorn from the stands, I think it's wise to remember to be vigilant of the information we are fed.

Consider this article.

Have you ever questioned an infographic when you read it? They are so popular and many of us will read the graphic before (or instead of ) reading the article.

Let's take a look at this graph from the Atlantic:

via

Notice anything fishy?

How about this one?

Add caption

The popular Tumblr, I Love Charts posted the first graph and let the readers have at it. Bravo to the careful viewers who noticed the misrepresentation and called The Atlantic on their fallacy. They changed their graphic to the second chart listed. Makes a world of difference, huh?

Not only in infographics, but in all things we are told, we should be wary and challenging. We cannot believe everything we are told. We should not blindly accept our parents' logic as our own - especially in the important things like politics and religion. Seek the truth for yourself.

Resolutions for 20-Somethings

Love this list. I think we could all stand to learn a thing or two:

Before you status update, Tweet, Tumble or Instagram, pause and say to yourself, “is it entirely necessary that I share this morsel of thought with my entire social network?”and if the answer is not, “yes, I absolutely must,” then step away from the Internet. 

Know which candidate you’re going to vote for in the upcoming presidential election, and know why. 

Enough with the 14-day juice cleanses. If you want to lose a little weight quickly, eat less and exercise like crazy. If you want to lose a lot of weight slowly, do whatever Jennifer Hudson did. 

If you really like the person you’re hooking up with and would like them to be your boyfriend/ girlfriend, find a way to tell them, and hope for the best. If you don’t and wouldn’t, stop. 

Find a way to save approximately 300 dollars and spend it on a flight to see a friend or family member who lives far away. 

Please stop liking the Kardashians, all of them. It’s not helping anyone, least of all the Kardashians. 

Spend less than or equal to the money you earn each month. 

Wear clothes that fit you, especially to work. 

Call someone on the phone at least once a week, and speak to him or her for at least ten minutes. 

Start preparing now to get over the fact that Facebook is probably going to change again in six months. You’re not going to deactivate your account. You don’t know how. 

Wait 30 seconds before you look up a fact you can’t remember on your phone, and try to remember it using your brain. This is what the olden days were like. 

Replace one terrible reality show you’re currently watching with one wonderful scripted show currently available on television. Swap suggestion: Real Housewives of Anywhere for HBO’s Enlightened. 

Try that food you think you don’t like but have never actually tried, unless it’s brussels sprouts. They really don’t need any more attention. 

Cut one person out of your life who you truly do not like and add one person who you truly do. Note: not on Facebook, on Earth. 

If you’re still blacking out regularly, you should stop. 

Volunteer once over the next 90 days. You’ll feel really good about it, and probably end up volunteering again over the next 275. 

Tell someone who you love that you love them on a more regular basis. To their face, not in a text.
Back up your entire online life onto an external hard drive, especially your photos. 

Crap or get off the pot. This applies to whatever thing you’re not doing that you should just sack up and do already. 

And in the eternal words of Tom Haverford, “TREAT YO SELF!”

Via here. Seen here first.

Thoughts for Thursday: Even Bad Attention is Attention

I know a lot of good Jen/Jenny/Jennifer bloggers out there. [holla!]

Here's something for your mind's mouth to chew on

Not that I have an opinion on what is being called the "Trial of the Century", but I do hold an opinion that if you are paying attention to something with your words, you are voting for its survival as a topic.

Even bad attention is attention.

How to Politely Handle Political Disagreements in Social Media

Things aren't just blue and red anymore. There are as many political combinations as there are people, and with this rise of political interest in young people, opinions freely fling in social situations often. Not to mention that the rise of social media has given everyone their own soapbox. (Not that I'm complaining!)



So what is the proper way to handle your opinons on the internet? And almost more importantly, how do you handle other's opinions on the web?

There's nothing wrong with putting your opinion out there, but make sure you label it as opinion. Also, try and think if your words will wound anyone. There's no sense in starting a web-war for the sake of argument. Keep your political points about the issues themselves and back up your opinons when you can. Be prepared for backlash and accept other people for their opinions - even if you disagree.

If you get more than just a push-back for your opinions, try to let the negativity roll off your back. You can make a difference by taking interest in your community, voting and advocating for your ideals in service, petition and monetary donations. Writing a nasty comment on Twitter will only get you nasty responses.

Remember that you can only control yourself. There will always be those who disagree with you and it does no good to fight for the sake of fighting.



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