FIF: Payday Loans

Friends, I'm interjecting some realness into the giftiness this week. I want to talk about payday loans.

The short of it: Thems be bad.

The medium of it: listen to/read any of these NPR stories.

The long of it: We ended up paying off someone's payday loans to get them out of a heap of trouble and I really wish they would have come to us before they got the high-interest loans. I mean, I really wish they weren't in trouble at all. I really wish they weren't on mental/physical/emotional hard times. I'm glad they came to us before we had to go to their funeral. But I'm pissed that the payday loan place is profiting. I'm pissed that it even came to this.

In fairness, our friend has said they'll pay us back. It's supposed to be a swap of interest-hungry loan for interest-free loan. But I'm muy skeptical. Money destroys families and friendships with things go bad. We don't want to lose friendship and money.

My PSA to friends and family: PLEASE REACH OUT TO ME BEFORE YOU GET A PAYDAY LOAN.

So for the Flip-It Friday part: 
Would you ever take a payday loan? 
Have you? 
HAVE I SCARED YOU AWAY FROM THEM YET?!

[Steps down from soapbox. Exits stage right. Makes a ham sandwich.]

12 Days of Gifty-Wifties

For the mutt owners in your life, I give you Wisdom Panel:

We did this for Roo on the recommendation from one of my coworkers. Whether the DNA test gets the breeds 100% right or not is up for debate, but regardless, it's fun to see what their makeup could be and draw your own conclusions.

For instance, our test said that our Roobabe is mostly Treeing Walker Coonhound and German Shepherd. If you know anything about those breeds and our Roo, you'll know that's probably not totally true. Those dogs start at 45 lbs and Roobabe is a healthy 35. Those breeds tend to be darker colored and our Roo is light yellow (as I call it "Yellooo") and white. Those breeds are scent-trackers for medium-sized mammals. Our Roo is a sight/sound tracker and a digger for small rodents (just ask my dad about his pock-marked backyard after this last weekend!).

Click any photo to enlarge.

Where I think the test got to the truth was the page on "other mixed breeds". They listed a terrier and the Basenji - both of which we've suspected before. She has the ears, body style, coloring and face of a Basenji. She has the tracking, digging, tenacity and broad shoulders of a terrier. 

I do consider the test's suggestion of German Shepherd in that she has dark skin around her eyes and mouth. she also has a shepherd-like gait when she stalks squirrels (she only moves her feet and keeps her body perfectly level, lifting her feet delicately). She's larger than a Basenji but smaller than a shepherd, so that cross makes sense. 

Bottom line: It's fun and you may learn something. 

It's also good fodder for dog park conversations. (It gives you something to talk about while your dog awkwardly sniffs another dog while it's relieving itself.) 

We purchased our Wisdom Panel on Amazon. I think it was fun and would do it again. 

Again, no compensation for this post. We just liked doing it and bought this brand on a whim/recommendation. 

Multitasking! Phone Dates

Last night I called my mom on the way home through the blue tooth in the car. I called my Grandmother through my earbuds on a walk with the dog (in the snow!). I called back a friend while I was in the bathtub.

Multitasking!

My friend and I took a brief hiatus on our phone call so that I could get out of the tub and so that she could check out at the store, but we then continued our call while she was driving home and I was cooking dinner.

Multi-freakin'-tasking!

It was so nice to catch up with family and friends while doing other things. Don't get me wrong, I love all of these people dearly, but I cannot stand being on the phone. It's my least favorite form of communication. I'd take in-person, texting, letter writing, etc. over the phone.

In fact, I hate the phone so much that I usually put off calling people until I am forced to. Or until I have a few minutes alone where I can't do anything else (yesterday's commute home, for example). This explains why I did all of my phone conversing at once. Getting two hours of phone chatting out of the way while driving, walking the dog, bathing and cooking was excellent.

Multitasking!

Flip-It Friday: Dreams

I had a dream last night that I broke up an ex-boyfriend's marriage so that I could marry... her. His wife. I stole my ex-boyfriend's wife. WhatDaFoog?

In middle school I fancied myself an amateur dream interpreter. I would make up silly reasons for my friends dreams and sometimes I could hit the subconscious nail on it's subliminal head.

If I were to perform a self analysis on this one, I'd say that I was battling an identity crisis - a deep one - within my career. So deep that I'm deflecting it on my relationships and overall sexuality so that I don't have to look at how unhappy I am in my current job and how that reflects on my self esteem. I want to take parallels (traditional, current relationships and the present time) and make them perpendicular (countersexual, past relationships and past time).

I'm also introducing competition as a way of "winning" at something despite my "losing" career. See, this ex-boyfriend was/is in intellectual and I once beat him to the punch at taking our high school physics teacher to a school sponsored dinner in honor of high achieving students. I asked this teacher to attend as my honored guest before my ex could, just to spite him. I was not a physics wiz and this teacher and I had an unremarkable relationship. But the ex was a wiz and did have that relationship. I was just being competitive. And a spiteful ex. Even though I broke up with him. What's my problem?

[pause]

Or I have low iron and want a cheeseburger.

Analyze that slice of crazy, wontcha?

Have you had any weird dreams lately?

Swearing in Front of Mother Teresa and Pants-ing the Pope

What a RICH weekend. It was so full of wonderful things!

I've told you before that I grew up in a small town in Indiana and lost someone special to me as a teenager. My parents moved from my childhood home to Southern Indiana when I graduated college. My younger brother went with them. I had rarely returned to my hometown, but now my brother is back living there. This past weekend we returned just in time for a real, Midwestern fall.

My brother invited the Mr. and me to come to an outdoor party/concert/camp-out. We are choc-full-a activities from here until November, but this was the first invitation my brother extended so we didn't want to miss the opportunity. We first had lunch with my Grammy a few towns over, laughed at the stupidest things and then headed to Small Town, Indiana.

Does anyone else ever return to their hometown and it almost feels dreamlike? I feel that way. I recognize things and it seems real, but it's all totally different. Like I'm trying to remember my childhood after a head trauma.

My amnesia faded in and out as we drove through the heart of town. "The post office hasn't changed." "There used to be a coffee shop there." I'd remembered turns right as we were upon them. Thankfully, the Mr. had a good reaction time and was patient with my sporadic, "turn left NOW" commands.

We turned into my brother's drive knowing that the house he lives in was once inhabited by my high school boyfriend's parents. After the accident. My boyfriend never lived there, but I did stay the night there once to house sit and watch their dogs. It was surreal to walk back into the house with different furniture, different dogs.

My brother then took us to the shop where he works as a landscaper. I'd never seen where he works and the building was pretty new. It was so well put together and clean - especially for a group of guys who get dirty for a living! I'm so proud of him!

As we were leaving I noticed two crosses in the ditch and sputtered out half of a question before stopping myself. I hadn't recognized the intersection because the landscaping office was new to the corner. I also hadn't been back to the site of the accident in probably 8 years. One cross was original and the other was new and decorated with a pen and ever increasing signatures, but both to the same end.

We talked about the striking coincidence of it all without lumps in our throats. My brother is living and working where tough memories were stale and visceral, like fish fry garbage. He said he had unsettling dreams about it, but that they have stopped now. I hope he's been able to rewrite those areas with his own happy life. That the wood and paint in both places are just architecture.

The Mr. and I had so much fun this past weekend. It was our first time camping together in a tent. We listened to music by a high school friend. We had pulled pork around a campfire, breakfast links in a bay window, and pizza in a pub (Maddy, it was my first time at the Barbie hotel!). We hugged our host and hostess, thanking them for the 10th time. We hugged my brother a little tighter and longer than our welcome hug.

A while ago, the Mr. and I helped a coworker of my brother's who was given a raw deal. That coworker is doing a lot better now. We got to meet his whole family at this camp-out - in-laws, children, the works! They were all so kind and appreciative. Everyone was. Most of them are self-proclaimed red-necks who would swear in front of Mother Teresa and pants the Pope, but my brother has a good group of people around him and I'm thankful he's got "family" close.

Why I Chickened Out About Starting a Salon

I actually had to look back in the blog archive to see if I've posted about why I didn't start a salon yet. I've already written this post so many times in my head apparently.

So remember when I thought of having a thoughtful place to discuss current events and big ideas over finger sandwiches and wine? Yeah, that's not going to happen.

I beat myself up about it for months. "Why don't you just do it, already!"
I've forgiven myself for not following through on something yet again.*

The main reason: I don't want to alienate my friends.

I have been slapped on the wrist for bringing Obamacare up at a picnic.
I've induced cricket-silence from a group of people over a race debate.
I have, in one lifetime, condemned and condoned nearly every religion.
I've snapped at my boss for suggesting we arm teachers with guns.
I've waffled on what I think about taxes and government programs.
I've admitted I can't tell the difference between bourbon and scotch.

See? I embarrass myself so freakin' frequently that I don't need to have people over for herbal tea and scones every Tuesday to prove that I am fallibly human.

And for anyone who was looking forward to watching me socially burn myself down having a thoughtful discussion, let's get coffee! One on one! You can film it, but you must obscure my face and voice!

--
*Try it. Go ahead right now and forgive yourself for something that you can't take back. Go ahead. You'll feel better.

I Prayed

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A friend texted me last week during the workday, seeing if I had a minute to talk. You all know that I am not a big on-the-phone person and she knew that too when she asked for a call. Must be something big. What happened between the text and phone call is deceptively significant.

I prayed. 

This friend has two beautiful babies and a happy marriage. She's got some drama from her family of origin and some turmoil with owning properties that spring leaks just out of  easy reach in Indiana, Michigan and Illinois. She's what can best described as a "great Christian" who's been hurt by the Church and loves anyway. On her behalf, I worried for all the things that could go wrong with what's right and wrong-er with what's already wrong. 

She just wanted to verbally process a phone call she had earlier that day that dredged up some of her past that was confusing. She sorted it all out quickly and we had a few minutes to be chatty and affirming with each other. 

-

I'm almost ashamed to admit that I am completely clueless right now with faith. Whatever that means. Like from the inside of a balloon, I can see light and hear noise, but cannot tell if anything is really out there beyond the rubber. 

I kept up with the motions of faith long after I'd lost it. Habit or rain dance. I eventually stopped because I felt that even if God was real, he wouldn't want some formulaic mumbling. He wouldn't want tickets to the same show every night. 

So I was silent and so was He. Not to say that He's spoken up since then, but my heart squeezed when I thought of my friend. Of her babies. Of her important role in some many lucky people's lives. I prayed for her health, safety and happiness. I prayed for hope in whatever was prompting the text. 

And I prayed a few lines of thankfulness over her. I'm sure that's all that her Maker wanted to hear from me anyway. 

Flip-It Friday: Take the Middle School Political Test

Because I just can't help myself.

If you can't stand talking politics, here's a boy and dog in the Philippines escaping flooding:

If you can stomach any more politi-talk, here's a easy test with a new perspective.

I'm apparently a Liberal Patriot. I take this to mean that I am pretty lax on what individuals do with their own lives, but am pretty into the whole 'being American' thing. Spot on, if so! If it means all of the things on this list, then no. I don't think that's what I am. 

Will you take this quiz? What are your results?

And are the pictures showing up for you? For some reason I am not seeing them consistently load and wonder if it's just me...?

Happy Friday, Wimps Pimps!

10 years

Ten years ago today my hometown community and I lost someone significant.

Googling his name produces either dry articles from local papers about the specifics of the accident or sloppy-wet pleas from local pontificates about "healing" and "in a better place".

In honor of this milestone anniversary of his passing (and a week after his birthday - he would have been 26), I'd like to rewrite history and give him an online presence that is neither scientific nor somber. To show him we've thrived. And because he was funny and would have disliked such a monotone, sad legacy.

Here goes:

JP was a badass. He said yes to life while he had it. He didn't need authority or rules or grades - just ask his teachers! He died in an appropriately silly way: on what he called "scoot-ride", riding into the sun, and hearsay says, eating! He was one of few kids to have a full drum set in his room and probably the only one I know to have created a logo for himself and the set. He was handsome but would sacrifice a cool flick of his hair for a twisted-up face and goofy voice if it would get a laugh. He was cool but risked his popularity by working for a hot-dog joint. Alas! He made working the fryers cool! 

via

JP, we really had quite a thing going and I was devastated as anyone would have been to say goodbye. I'm sorry I lost touch with your family, but I somehow think that was for the best. But in good news, I got out of town. I graduated from a prestigious university. I moved to a big city and have had a few professional jobs. I am married, own a house, have a new car, a cute dog and a wonderful husband that I think you'd really like. He plays guitar, so I think you'd probably bond over a jam session.
Neither of you can sing though.
I'll handle that :)

---
Leave hate-mail comments if you like, but I think he'd applaud some irreverence.

You're a Bad Friend If...

1. You only initiate a hang out when you need something (money, a favor, etc.)
2. You always offer to hang out but offer no specifics (date, time, activity, etc.) and then always have to "get back to me".
3. You invite me to a pricey affair after a lot of friendship silence (like >1 year) and think that constitutes a sincere effort to reconnect. 
4. You invite me to hang out and then ignore me in group settings where I know no one. 

NOTE: I've done all of these things. I'm guilty. I've been a bad friend before to various people. And I'm sometimes a hard friend to have. Between my anti-social behavior, inability to adjust to life changes and weird self esteem, I am a handful of basketcases. I'm just putting this out there as a sort of Litmus of Friendship so I can easily spot some no-good-friendships before I start blaming myself entirely for their downfall. 

Signed,

Bitter In Chicago

---

Dear Bitter,

Get over yourself.

Love,

Dear A**ey

Salespeople of the World, Stop Following Me Around Bed Bath and Beyond

Overall, I don't jive with people in sales. Some of my good friends have sales jobs and other good friends have the knack for sales. And I love these people. I just don't like whatever gene makes someone sales-y.

Allow me to explain.

Last night I got up the courage to go to dinner with friends. Anymore I find myself forcing it to just go out in public. I'm just going through a hermit phase/lifetime.

I knew that this dinner with friends was at a healthy restaurant and that there would be a little presentation about how some of the girls in attendance were doing a healthy cleanse with a few key products.*

I put that aside when I tromped out in the rain to a clustered part of the city for dinner. When I walked into the restaurant I found that the rain** had deterred many of the other ladies so I was front-and-center for a no-formal-pressure-but-really-there's-social-pressure presentation on the healthy products. Think Mary Kay but for fiber chews and protein powder.

I did my best not to grimace from the gross vegan food*** and the overly obvious sales discussion as the nice girl who was presenting was right in front of me and looking into my eyes often. I alternated between being mad at her for pretending to know me**** and pitying her for having to win over our small crowd.

You know how you sometimes duck into a Bed Bath and Beyond in an outside mall just to escape the summer heat or see what Yankee Candle is on sale but it's their policy that at least 3 sales people have to ask you if you need any help by the time you make it past the sheet section and by that time you are worried that someone thinks your stealing milk duds and who buys milk duds at BB&B, let alone steals them and you get so flustered you walk out...

What was I saying?

I hate sales people because I feel pressured and that assumptions are being made about me. I don't like feeling like I'm being sold anything. I want to make my own decisions at my own pace and I want to be informed about the products through my own research, not just take someone's word who's seeking commission.

But I did have a free, vegan chocolate protein shake this morning and it wasn't half bad.


* Writing on the gee-dee wall.
** And possibly the sales presentation
*** I usually like this kinda stuff, but I didn't like this place.
**** Girl, I watch more documentaries on how food is produced in our nation than you've got time for and have already cut waaaaay back on diary, red meat, meat at all and know how to bake gluten-free.

change

Source: yfrog.com via Gabriel on Pinterest

Mmm-mm. You go on, Brother G.B.S.

Admit when you are wrong and change.

I am quick to see the need for change in others. When to cut our losses. When to choose another path. When to curb a behavior.

Imma gonna take a moment of introspection and see where I can be "capable of change."

Join me?

"If you can grow mutton chops, we'll give you a Texas license"

...  or put you in the circus," said the man who checked my Illinois ID at the brewery.

And out of the several hundred people at the brews and beards event, he even remembered me when I left. I must have had "Yankee" tattooed on my forehead. 

Texas was a GREAT time! Food, booze, a great couple of friends and some of their furry family made for one excellent weekend.

Some new and repeat photos from my Instagram and iPhone:

 Sneaky photos in the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit

The Nuremberg Bible.

The Dead Sea Scrolls were found in the Middle East... but Texas is everywhere!

Brewery tour. They hosted the North Texas Beard Alliance (is that a real thing?). 

Live music, craft beer, beard contests. Awesome!

Pint glasses to take home that say "Beer'd"!

TCU kegs.

Then we went to the Stockards...

Where the cattle roam...

And the cowgirls wave for the crowd...

Rhinestone cowgirl.

This pooch walks himself.

"The National Beer of Texas"

The Wongoose Zoo includes Millie the pitbull...

Phoebe the Alaskan mutt...

Ozzie the small dachshund/terrier mix...  

 Ernie the huge hound (sitting on/crushing Maddy's lap).

And two cats. 

But who cares about cats? j/k, cats are... fine!

Such a good time. I will come back someday and take on even more restaurants, sights, music, dogs and great weather!

Thank, Wongoose Zoo, for taking me in and showing me the town. You're welcome in Chicago anytime. You guys set the bar high for giving a well-rounded experience in only 2 days!

Flip-It Friday: How Do You Make Up?

"We fight we break up we kiss me make up..."

You tell 'em Katy Perry.

So how do you make up?

Do you apologize first? Do you always require an apology (not a bad thing, I think)? Do you act like nothing was ever wrong and just move past it? Do you have a drag-out-drawn-out discussion over the matter until everything's out on the table? Do you have a song-fight like Katy in the video?

I'm more of a bullet-points-on-the-issue-only-please and lets-get-this-over-with-and-go-eat-dinner kinda person.

You?

(I can't believe I've blogged about Katy Perry more than once... her name is a tag option!)

A Preview of What Will Happen if You Skype Me

Hey Friends: some of you  have asked if I will/can Skype. Let me tell you, I can. But beware of this:

My un-made-up face in a postcard. And wild hair. Oh the wild hair.

I will reach for some sangria and loose my already low wall of inhibition so we can really get to the heart of our conversation. It's what friendships are made of.

Not to mention I will brand myself. Look for me under my new screen name: J.Mill. (Once I figure out of how get rid of my old screen name) What, what!

I will test out new faces for the blog, whilst branding myself. (It's an advice blog, by design, so I thought some finger-wagging was in order.)

I will try the "heroine" filters...

and in the insane asylum filters.

And then make sure you see how pale my shoulders are. I'm all about honesty.

Speaking of seeing, how about an eye-expo.

Aye.

Yai yai.

And then I'll get embarrassed and turn to see if anyone's looking.

Whew. That was close. 

Tipsy Tuesday: Fair Weather Friend or Season(s) of Love?

I'm a major fan of "setting expectations". I don't know if I like them because they give me some control over situations with others or if it's the introvert in me that likes to know what to expect.

Either way, most of us expect to make some key friends in life and we even expect to keep some of them. But does that mean that we should keep all of them?

I wrote this post about breaking up with friends a while back (My dear friend Anna wrote a comment for it! She and I had lunch today and it was bittersweet as she is moving to North Carolina to start a new job. Congrats, Anna! I'll miss you tons!).

To know when to break it off with a friend, you should evaluate your friendship and decide if that friend is connected to you in one of the following ways:

1) Fair Weather Friend

These friends can be fished out by one litmus test: moving. If you ask your friends to help you move, or at least to help pack and they either don't call/email you back or they come up with a lame excuse not to help you, then they aren't a good friend. I've had friends come through for me in my most horrible moves even when it's inconvenient for them. Good friends move their good friends. Other symptoms of a fair weather friend include: only wanting to go out with you if they like the bar/it's near them, cancelling plans repeatedly, or never asking you how YOU are and really wanting to know the answer.

Keep or cut? Cut!

2) Seasonal Friend

These friends are in your life for a season. Call it serendipity or call it God's plan, either way these friends come into your life for the two of you to learn/grow with and from each other for a finite period of time. Seasons change and so do these friends. They wont be in your life forever, but that's ok. Be prepared to accept new friends as you enter new seasons of life and also to let some friends go that move into seasons different from your own. Symptoms of a seasonal friend: not having time for you after they get married/have a baby, giving you the cold shoulder for dinner plans now that they are over that breakup/feeling better/no longer your coworker, or not wanting to hang out with you now that you don't drink. I cannot stress enough that it is OK for friendship seasons to end. Life is full of changes and adjustments. If we kept the same friends our whole lives and only those friend, imagine how little we'd grow!

Keep or cut? Cut if they are toxic to you (keeping you from growing or encouraging activities that harm you) or keep until one of you feels the twinge of seasonal change, then its ok to let them fade.

3) Growing Together Friend

These friends change with you. Whether they hit life's seasons at your rate or a different one, they still connect with you and desire to support you. They call when you need them (or don't call because they know you hate the phone), show up even if they can only spend an hour with you, can carry on a one-sided conversation when you don't feel like talking, let you cry in public over your breakup (or in the deodorant isle over ... God knows what) and act like it's normal and rationalize eating drunk food with you. They're also vulnerable with you. They tell you what makes them insecure. You're the one they call when they lock themselves out of their car or have a fight with their boyfriend. Friends that grow together don't need to see each other every year or talk on the phone often to maintain this bond. It's an understood, symbiotic, lasting relationship.

via

Keep these people as long as you can and embrace snail mail! Pen pals are the best.

Song suggestions: Laughing With by Regina Spektor or, because of the title, Seasons of Love from Rent.

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Tipsy Tuesday: Can you guess what I'm crafting?

It might be too obvious. If you need a hint, I'll give you one:

In keeping with Tipsy Tuesday, this craft has something to do with beverages!

(Don't be distracted by the photo backgrounds. I claim to be as much a photographer as I am a crafter, which is not-at-all.)

fruit in the background

cat and fruit in the background

nail polish and cat in the background

 Are you crafty? What talent (crafty or not) are you most proud of?

I don't craft very well (thanks to all the women who craft with/for me: My sister, my mom, Makenzie, Bebe, Chelsey, Maddison!) but I did actually do this all by myself and I think they turned out.