Ever want to see "Mean Girls" as a horror movie?
Jump inside my head, ya'll.
Just kidding,
"You Can't Sit With Us!"
Yesterday I cut out coffee, carbs and alcohol until the Mr. poured me a glass of wine to save his own life. I'm detoxing cold turkey but have relapsed and am still not feeling like my old self. Unless my old self felt old and cranky and like crying for no reason.
Even after going to bed at 8:30 last night I woke up feeling tired, sore and really really, shall we say, sassy. Are my eyes even open? Can I even see this screen right now?
Last night we watched House Hunters over steamed fish and all I could do was yell gay jokes at the TV.
"I'll tell YOU why he's so concerned about the orientation of the backyard!"
"Carpet, smarpet. Thou DOST protest too much."
"She's a beard and you're a 'mo. Lesbi-honest, you're building a guest house because you aren't sharing the master!"
"Gavin the flight attendant brought along his sassy black girlfriend: not because Gavin doesn't have a boyfriend, but because Gavin doesn't love Gavin for who Gavin is."**
SweetJesusI'mAMonster.
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*This post is for Maddy, who understands that watching anger-inducing House Hunters while in a 'deodorant-aisle' state was all "my bad".
*I'm sorry, Dad.
**Watch this one, people. It's in Chicago and even the Realtor is all like, "Are you kidding me? I didn't sign up for this. I'm out."
