Flip-It Friday: Knock Knock, Who's There? Yucca. Yucca who? Yucca'd open the door!

First of all, I'd like to say that my 'rents are coming to see my new house for the first time this weekend (woo-hoo!), so my "How to Be a Good House Guest" post might have seemed timed for them... 'twasn't. Sorry Mom and Dad! You have no obligations as my house guest, but I do hear you are bringing me a Wandering Jew or a Yucca Plant... both sound like the most hilarious plants ever! Bring. Em. On!

Bhahaha... wandering Jew... I love this manual about How to Care For Wandering Jews... Do they make Kosher Miracle Grow?

There's another layer of joking in there about "Miracle Grow", but I just don't know if my audience can take it. 

Meanwhile

What's a Yucca?

I dunno, what's a Yucca with you?

[crickets]

A Yucca plant doesn't make for such good joking. Change Yucca to Yucky and you've got it made, but it's not a smooth transition. 

I swear on my wandering Jew that my mom totally called me about plants last night. 

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For this Flip-It Friday I want ya'll to write me a Yucca joke. Or a yucky joke. Or a wandering Jew joke. But make it nice. We all like Jews here - the plants and the people. 

Thoughtful Thursday: On Being an Overnight Guest

Apartment Therapy had some good tips on being an overnight guest.

Make your plans clear: This may seem obvious, but our third roommate, as we came to refer to him, didn't clue us in on any of his plans for coming and going until he was en route, and he also didn't let us in on his date of departure. Don't keep your host guessing — be clear about your plans.

Keep your belongings tidy: Staying in a spare bedroom allows for more flexibility, but generally speaking, make your bed/fold your blankets, and put your belongings in one organized, out of the way pile .

Take initiative: One of the redeeming moments we experienced was when our guest took it upon himself to take out the kitchen trash. If you're living with others and contributing to the mess you too, should help out with the house chores.

Don't be a mooch: One of the less redeeming qualities of our house guest was his ability to show up right at dinner time. I found myself dividing our dinner for two between three people. The first time I didn't mind, the second time I was annoyed.

Leave a small gift: It's always a nice gesture to leave a gift. If you're enjoying a meal with your host, wine is an easy way to go. If you're just sleeping there it would be appropriate to leave something at the end of your stay. (J.Mill's note: Totally optional)

I love hosting and want people to feel comfortable in my home. I'll spend a pretty penny on fancy food to feed you, wait on you hand and food for drinks, linens, snacks, "how do I turn the shower on" instructions. I'll stay up late with your chatting or let you turn in earlier than expected. I also love it when people show courtesy and are genuinely thankful to stay with us. 

Some additions I would make:

• Be on-time. If we are expecting you for dinner, be there for dinner. Or at least keep us posted if you are going to be late.

• If you are going out late (we live in the city but are old - and I'm cranky - and sometimes don't go out with our 22 year old guests), be sure to know how to use spare keys so we don't get woken up in the middle of the night to let you in.

• Abide by house rules. The Mr. has 2 cats that we don't let into spare rooms so we can keep them allergen free for guests and don't have to vacuum empty rooms as frequently. If you want to snuggle with a kitty while you sleep, sleep on the couch where they can be all up in your business. Don't make me sanitize more than I have to.

• Be quiet. We live in a condo building and if you stomp around, play music loudly or laugh like a hyena after too much wine, you may be putting us in jeopardy with the neighbors. We're already painful neighbors as it is :)

I know lately I may not be so hospitable. If you are still interested in being a house guest while I'm a depressed fire-breathing reptile, kudos!

When in Doubt, Say Thank You

Let me first of all thank you all for visiting my blog on Tuesday. This past Tipsy Tuesday was an overwhelming success with high pageviews and high commenting (for me, anyway). So, thank you!

It's nice to be thanked. Its nice to have something given to you or done for you that is worthy of a "thank you".

So if someone give you a compliment, say thank you. Don't refute them with "Oh, this old thing?" or "I'm worried it's too salty."

If someone gives you a gift, say thank you. Not "It's not my size/color/taste".

If a stranger holds the door for a line of their friends and then you happen to squeak in at the back, don't fumble back and forth on who should walk through first. Don't waste their time, just keep walking and say thank you. (Or hang back so there isn't that awkward moment of indecision.)

If someone wishes you a happy weekend, don't get into a drawn out explanation about why it's not happy. These sorts of valedictions are usually indicative of the end of a conversation. Say thank you and throw a "same to you" on the end if you're feeling spritely.

And one more thing. Stop apologizing so much. If you didn't do anything wrong ("sorry you have a head cold" "sorry I coughed into the phone" "sorry I ordered the salmon"), then don't apologize for it. Your apologies lose their oomph if you wear them around like stick-on mustache.

THANK YOU

I'm not sorry :)

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Tonight I am running a 3.5 mile race with some teammates from my company. It's nearly 90 degrees in Chi-town today, so after the race we'll have some sandwiches and cold beer (and water, of course!). I'm looking forward to the team building!

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You're Invited! [to pay]

Ever been invited to someone's house and asked to pay for part of your stay/entertainment/food?

It's happened more than once this winter season - to me and others - so I thought it was a worthy blog topic.

Whether the hosts are inviting you for dinner or for the weekend, you should never be required to pay for things. Of course, a courteous guest always offers to pick up lunch or brings fresh flowers, local cheese or a fun wine. But the host should never require for the guest to pay for things. Ever.

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If you are hosting a large meal and want to spread the burden of the cost evenly, make it a potluck. That way, people can choose to spend $2 on rice or $50 on a cheese tray.

If you want to cook the whole thing yourself, stick to your menu and stick to your budget. Don't overdo it in the cash department just to impress people. I can't tell you how many times a roast chicken (feeds 4 with sides) for under $8 has wowed people.

If you want to host a party to collect money for a cause, suggest a donation amount, but leave room for people to be more generous or conservative. Your guests may surprise you.

If you want to give out party favors, don't require that the guests pay for those either. If you can't afford to give party gifts, don't give 'em. People should be happy just to hang out with you, right?

I understand that you may be required to pay for your parking outside of their home (most people are on their own when it comes to that in my area because we live so close to public transit stops that people could get there for $2.25 if they choose.), but once they are in your house, you pick up the tab.

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It's perfectly acceptable to go out to eat in a group and ask that the tab be split, but be kind and let your friends know ahead of time that that's the arrangement. You don't have to outright tell them they have to pay; you can suggest it in a way that makes them feel like they are part of the decision: "Hey, S and I were thinking that if we went to tapas, we could share the pitchers of sangria, the cured meats and the tab. That way, we can afford to taste more things!"

Bottom line: If you cannot afford to pay for the entire meal(s) when you host (and afford the water bill of their showers and linen laundry), then don't host.

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Although people may reserve the right to do things their way in their home, you also reserve the right not to come :) Enjoy.