No Maybe Here, Just Call Me Jane

It's not so happy that "Happy Endings" ended, but the final episode about these rag-tag group of Chicago friends was pretty perfect.

Watch the intro to see what I'm saying:

If you can't see it here or Season 3, Episode 23.

Still don't get it? I'm Jane.

See, throughout the rest of the series, Jane is seen as put-together and almost dominant. She has opinions and answers for everything. She is thoughtful and on-top-of-it. But the moment of impending older-sister-event turns her into a typical insecure middle child. 

Like in real life. 

Like in a family email chain when your sister is praised for responding with "great ideas" "so quickly" even though you responded first with less boisterous, self-serving ideas.  

Worried that my sister might see this and get mad? 

I'm not. 

She somehow has the time to write all-family emails and her. own. damn. blog., but has not visited mine in 2013. I know this as she says she doesn't "have time".

Hosting A Salon

Does that sound as pretentious as I think it does?

I've been a part of some groups in the past that are all now defunct. Book clubs, Bible studies, service organizations. I always find good friends that way and it's one way I acclimate to a new city whenever I move.

I'm not planning on moving anytime soon, but some of my friends are or have already. Or their having babies. Or their diving into other groups I can't/won't join (hello marathon preppers!). I find myself craving the intellectual and emotional connection with peers that comes from regular, structured interaction.

So I've toyed with the idea of hosting a regular salon.

Salon: a gathering of people under the roof of an inspiring host, held partly to amuse one another and partly to refine the taste and increase the knowledge of the participants through conversation.

I'd make dinner for people once a month or once a quarter (seasonal dinners sound fun to me). I'd have vegan options and wheat-free options and low-sugar options for all diets. Think big pot of vegetable soup with toppings to personalize. Think soup kitchen for the vocal, educated, opinionated non-homeless.*

We'd either email the topic ahead of time or have a few news articles out on the table or a youtube video cued up to start the conversation. We'd have ground rules to make sure no one got too heated:

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Or we could make sure that all insults are dished out Martin Luther style.

And over paninis and crudite, we'd discuss music and current events and historical trends!

Or we'd end up inciting a riot, alienating our friends and having to freeze-n-heat 20 lbs of vegetable soup. 

Thoughts?

*Dear Lord this is pretentious!

Advice on Dealing with Workplace Rumors

As a women who prefers to work with men - and introverted nerdy ones at that! - I'll be the first to say that working with women has a whole different set of challenges compared to working with men.

The one job in my career that I outright hated was one where my boss and coworkers were mostly women. Not that working with women is always going to be bad for me (I work with some great women now), but feminine work relationships can come with unique predispositions*:

1. What women say, in words, can be different - even the opposite - of what women mean, in tone
2. Women may invite too close of a personal relationship at work which makes them vulnerable**
3. Women gossip
4. Women take things personally and react emotionally
5. Competition looks different for women (Hey, Jealousy!) and may cause some surprising fallout
6. B#tches be crazy

A male aquaintence of mine works with a good mix of men and women. He explained to me how he's going through some drama at work and doesn't know how to get things back to normal after some, in hindsight, awful gossip (point 3).

Seeking my advice, he told me the story about how a few rumors about a fellow coworker - let's call her Bathsheba*** (points 1, 3) told to him by a couple of people - Miriam and Aaron - (point 2) and some eye-witness evidence of said rumor led him to believe the rumor was true(1). He went on to say that the rumor came up in conversation with another women - Hagar (1,2,3,4,5,6) and he repeated it. My friend was the last free-link in the chain as Hagar took the rumor to Bathsheba herself. He explained how
Bathsheba is now speaking to Miriam and Aaron (5), but not him (4).

My friend apologized in email, but couldn't apologize in person to Bathshebe as she was still mad (1, 4, 6). I suggested that he ask her to go to lunch again and let her get all of her anger out (6) - without trying to justify or point the blame on anyone else (5). I hope it works.

As a girl who's lived through the ongoing Middle School that is real life, I feel sorry for men that have to deal with this type of bull crap. But, of course, we can all be the captains of our own ship. Avoiding such social icebergs is always the best option, so here's my advice for prevention.

1. If anyone comes to you with information that is either not their own to share and is not good information, tell them to either can it or see HR. 
2. Unless your participation is legally mandatory (hello, subpoena!), plead the fifth when juicy gossip comes up.
3. You should only address a colleagues's personal problem at work if it meets these criteria:

• It is affecting their performance or someone else's and/or is illegal AND
• You are prepared to march right over to HR after you speak to them directly - something that is big enough for you to intervene, is big enough to involve HR OR
• They reach out to you

Otherwise in the words of Salt N' Pepa,  it's none of your business.

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*These are generalizations and will not apply to all women. Some may apply to men.
** Vulnerability isn't bad, but letting your guard down and then making enemies is
*** We're watching the History channel's The Bible and I didn't want to use a name of anyone I'd ever met.

Tipsy Tuesday: Unsolicited Compliments

When the project you've been working on for nearly a year takes a nose dive,
when the others in the tower at mission control point fingers at you
and the onlookers on the ground gasp and take to Twitter in speculation,
when you've lost faith in you and no one can give you a good reason to seek it out again:

take heart.

Some coked-up, rambling colleague may send you a nonsensical email with qualifying dribblings unrelated to even the subject of such email but end it with:

"One last thing.  I want you to know that I relish the contributions you make and believe you do a top-notch, extremely professional job on [company newsletter].  Your skills shine through the work you do and it’s a pleasure to work for a company that embraces sharing work with one another and encouraging all of us to get to know one another through our work.  Bravo to [our company] for seeing you in the current light – your work shines through beautifully!"

Like being hit-on by a hobo or piss-on by a rapper, I feel honored, akin, and creeped-out all at the same time.

visit the site to see more hilarious signs

Beverage pairing: a large Evian bottle under which to shower. Just make sure you get the clear kind from the 7-eleven and not the yellow kind from the gutter outside of the 7-eleven.

Flip It Friday: It's too early for the crazies

Let me usher us into the Memorial Day weekend by saying: What the freak is going on today!? Did the 90 degree heat scramble everyone's brains yesterday and we have yet to recover!?

Exhibit A

Imagine a Mortal-Kombat looking man (long, frizzy black hair, beard, chains, looks like his hay-day was the early 90's) saying Good Morning to you on the street-level, pauses to write you this personal note, follows you up to the train platform, mutters something about a show and then hands you this and asks you your name. In retrospect, I should have said my name was Ashley. Or Berta. Or Stevie. Anything but my real name. I am more haunted than flattered. 

 

Exhibit B

nails. Nails. NAILS. Photo captured by Mr. S.

And it's only 8:00 AM.

Last night was less weird. 

My company ran the Chase Corporate Challenge. It's 3.5 miles through downtown Chicago with 23,000 of your closest friends and coworkers! We won't with the whole shebang, but we are hoping to win a contest with one of our other offices who also runs this race (the Chase Corporate Challenge is run in many major cities around the world). I'm in the green and Mr. S is taking the photo.

Not an award-winning time, but a personal best for me (I was shooting to do it in 40 minutes). The whole race was 3.5 miles. That's the longest race I've run! (You may laugh.) Thanks goes to the Mr. for being a good pacer for me and not letting me give up!

Breaking news: This just in - a fellow coworked (not even in the race last night) brought me a doughnut from a new shop down the street to congratulate me on my run and celebrate Friday. It was lemon and it was gooood. 

I'll give you a choice of questions to answer this Flip-It Friday:

1) How do you avoid/handle awkward interactions with strangers or people that hit on you?

2) What is your favorite form of exercise (I hate running, so I'm open to suggestions)?

3) This isn't advice, but what's your favorite doughnut flavor?

Happy Memorial Day weekend, friends!

When in Doubt, Say Thank You

Let me first of all thank you all for visiting my blog on Tuesday. This past Tipsy Tuesday was an overwhelming success with high pageviews and high commenting (for me, anyway). So, thank you!

It's nice to be thanked. Its nice to have something given to you or done for you that is worthy of a "thank you".

So if someone give you a compliment, say thank you. Don't refute them with "Oh, this old thing?" or "I'm worried it's too salty."

If someone gives you a gift, say thank you. Not "It's not my size/color/taste".

If a stranger holds the door for a line of their friends and then you happen to squeak in at the back, don't fumble back and forth on who should walk through first. Don't waste their time, just keep walking and say thank you. (Or hang back so there isn't that awkward moment of indecision.)

If someone wishes you a happy weekend, don't get into a drawn out explanation about why it's not happy. These sorts of valedictions are usually indicative of the end of a conversation. Say thank you and throw a "same to you" on the end if you're feeling spritely.

And one more thing. Stop apologizing so much. If you didn't do anything wrong ("sorry you have a head cold" "sorry I coughed into the phone" "sorry I ordered the salmon"), then don't apologize for it. Your apologies lose their oomph if you wear them around like stick-on mustache.

THANK YOU

I'm not sorry :)

---

Tonight I am running a 3.5 mile race with some teammates from my company. It's nearly 90 degrees in Chi-town today, so after the race we'll have some sandwiches and cold beer (and water, of course!). I'm looking forward to the team building!

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Flip-It Friday: When do you keep advice to yourself?

Do you ever keep from telling someone a bit of advice to keep a service provider or product to yourself?

For instance, I love our new mechanic shop (in the city, relatively affordable and honest!) but should I keep the name to myself so that he doesn't become too popular and therefore never have time for us/our car?

What about certain shops or brands? Do you have anything you keep as your little secret?

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Happy Friday the 13th! Are you superstitious? Even just a little -stitious?

Tips for Taking Care of Yourself in Busy Times

I do nearly all of these. What do you do to take time for yourself and keep your sanity?

Source: thefreedomexperiment.com via Amanda on Pinterest

It's Beginning to Feel a Lot Like Stress-mas

If you're like me, then you're just now getting really motivated (or motor-mated, right Maddy?) for Christmas. And if you're also like me, then you are about to drown a pair of black cats for tearing down your beloved Christmas tree with their bare, menacing claws. Deep breaths.

One of the reasons the tree and its trimmings were special to me was because somewhere after believing in Santa and before being out on my own, I didn't really liked Christmas.

It was a season of "I want." It was financially draining and that certainly affects a family. It was stressful and travel-ful but not the fun kind of travel. The kind of travel where you are stuck in the backseat of a sedan with 2 siblings side-to-side and the one on the right of you is asleep against the cool, stable car door (jealous*) and the one on the left just spilled canned nuts all over the seat and is squishing you even more to try and get all the little peanutty chunks out of the cracks of the faux leather and the whole car smells like warm string cheese and banana.

The winter I was 16 I bought a Christmas tree, ornaments, lights and garland with my babysitting money. I love that tree. It stood for independence, personal style, life and hard work and hope - all that was good about the holidays. It was probably the largest purchase I had made for myself at the time. I put it in my room to have my own vignette.

Every year I put up this tree. In my childhood room. Sharing it with my family when we didn't buy a tree collectively. Putting it up in my dorm room on top of the TV which lived on top of the minifridge (quite a tower!). In both of my city apartments and now in my first apartment with my newest, closest family - my husband.

Taking its disassembled pieces and all of the little accessories out of the box was a joyful and emotional experience for me. I took them all out of their newspaper and tissue wrapping to reminisce when I got each one and who gave it to me. I coached S to nestle the heavy ones on thicker branches and closer to the trunk and to use the plain silver ones as filler to hide the naked wires in between. Not that he needed coaching but I needed to voice my theory for the tree, to share the process that I went through annually with this now needle-flinging decoration.

So when S came into the bathroom while I was in the middle of a different routine (morning make-up) and gently broke the news to me that the cats had torn the tree down and broken a ceramic angel ornament I was surprised that I didn't immediately whip down the hallway in a rage.

"It's just stuff," I told him later that day.

He seemed to be even madder than me. I think he saw how touched I was by all of the little things in bubble wrap and old laundry sacks and didn't want me to feel like Christmas was broken. Granted, I was not happy, but I was not destroyed either.

Yes, we stayed up until midnight decorating it and running out for a few strings of white lights when we couldn't locate my old ones. He and I drank beer and wine, respectively, and make the trimming a party set to the sounds of Bing Crosby Pandora radio. Mumbling through the wrong lyrics to White Christmas, S chasing me around with a vacuum when I dropped pine needles and blew dust off of boxes, turning up the fire on full blast. The whole thing was Christmas.

I think I wasn't as crushed because I still had the experience of decorating and we made some new memories.

Also, because I know that I can now beg for a new tree and will get to do this all over again this weekend!

With that in mind, spend your money wisely this holiday season. Be responsible. Spend local. Be thankful for what really matters because everything else is "just stuff".

Want some really cool stuff (if you must)? Join me in supporting small local business with this awesome sounding bazaar: Chicago's Renegade Craft Fair Holiday Market or look for Renegade in your area (they have other major cities too!). Thanks for the tip, Anna!

Advice: Yee-haw! Get Back On The Horse

Sometimes you're up. Sometimes you're down. I feel like there's a song here.

I've had an awesome and terrible couple of weeks.

I've also exaggerated how terrible it's been. It's been mostly great with a few slight hiccups, if I'm being honest and reasonable.

But I'm not honest and reasonable. I all sortsa crazy on a whim.

So what do you do when you've: picked 3 fights with your family in 24 hours, put your foot in your mouth, broke the website at work that they JUST entrusted to you, been late to dinner, wasted money on a cab when you should have walked, let your emails pile up, been "overserved" and therefore "dehydrated" the next morning when you have to go to work and deal with a problem, AND failed to sew the button back onto the only pants that match the sweater you NEED to wear and just say 'screw it' and go to work all sloppy-bobbie with an unbuttoned pocked flap?

 High five me. High five.

What do I do after all of this and a solid half hour of complaining and dramatizing my demise (a la phrases like "This outfit? Take a good look. This is the outfit I'll be wearing when I get fired.").

But after all that I get back on the horse. Nothing's all that bad. I still have a family that loves me (sorry guys, I know you love me even if I've tried to alienate each of you lately), a job (no, I didn't get fired), friends that are willing to say "yes" to a 3rd (or 4th?) bottle of wine, and a trip to Tucson in January to look forward to. Nothing is that bad. All will turn out fine.

So maybe the song should be Where the Blacktop Ends. Original, drugged-out, short-haired Keith Urban.

Actually, no. This is the song.

Advice: Look for clues when determining if your loved one has a problem.

I saw that in my last post, the one about balls, church and the great hat chase of 2011, in the background of the photo you can see...

vacuums.

Of course. Vacuum aisle is his sanctuary. Not to be sacrilegious.

S is obsessed with vacuums. We have 4. I try to stop him, but he's a clean machine and vacuums are his tool of choice.

He may lint roll the cats. He may let the cold groceries spoil on the counter so he can reorganize a closet. He may vacuum the air...

But he puts up with me blogging about him, chasing him through Target, going through large bouts of anti-social behavior and making fun of him to his face.

I'm just gracious and patient like that. Ha!

And he secretly loves all of this attention. Ha!

Beverage pairing: a New Glarius beer. S brought me back some soap made from one of their beers when on a tour recently. So one of my wish list items of beer soap has been fulfilled! He didn't even see the blog post on it, he just reasoned that I like soap. I do. I love bar soap.

If I had to do it over, I might not have said "balls"...

Sometimes I give advice from an experience in my life that did not go well, one about which I should have given myself some better advice. Such an experience happened last night.

S and I had a newly-married small group send-off dinner. We've been in this lil class for 6 weeks (we skipped 2 for various conflicts) and at the end we, ideally, get matched with other couples to make up some small groups for Bible study. Neat neat.

We were going around the large, last-supper-like table saying our "how we met stories". S leaned to me and whispered, "Do we say what really happened?" I confirmed that now was the time to get it out in the open that we met at a college party in which I was dancing on the bar (*sober).

So we fessed up - sitting right.  next. to. the. pastor. and. his. wife. They are a great bunch and really easy going. We thought we could get away with the truth in front of God, His pastors, and a bunch of our peer-strangers.

S said we talked that night and then he waited a week like a "real man" to find me on facebook and then ask me out in a non-threatening way via FB email. Chuckles all around for his timid action and then... I did it... I said balls.

"You can tell who has balls in this relationship."

I was dancing on a bar in a crowded room and he didn't have the cha-ho-neighs to ask me out in person. Good LORD why did I say balls?? I couldn't even sensor that. Not to mention earlier, in the parking lot, I was loudly carrying on a hypothetical conversation that involved naming a child "Toyota" and then distancing yourself from them as a parent, and of course people heard me ... good. Lord. I just can't be stopped apparently.

I got a pat on the back from laid-back pastor and a good hearty laugh from the room. Oh and a red-faced husband. I got that too.

Of course we later made a trip to Target in which I chased him around (whist chanting his name, no less) with this hat in my hands and then, once I caught him, demanded that he pose for a photo.

I'm keeping this photo small to protect the innocent, although, not really protecting them as I still posted it. I might be crusin' for a bruisin'.

All in all, I hope the church still lets me in the door, the kids accept me into their married small group and that my husband both lets me in the door AND into his married small group.

Advice? Cool it and sensor yourself when dining with a pastor and some churchy peers.

Beverage pairing? Apple water. Cut some apples, put them in water, and then drink it. We had it last night at dinner and it was refreshing.

Thursday's Drink Pairing

"you dont know how perilously close you came to a period joke today"

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I know this is gross (hence the "ew" label) but I couldn't resist! I was craving bloody mary's lately, but this has cured me of that craving.

Tipsy Tuesday: J.Mill's Take on the Mrs. Lilien's 7 Persuasions of the Extraordinarily Successful

Pretty awesome list of how to be awesome from Mrs. Lilien (blogger I just found today via Fancy Schmantzy's blog roll). Boom goes the name dropping and the shout-outs. I know Mitzi of Fancy Schmantzy personally. I have no idea if the Mrs. is even a woman. Here we go.

I decided to do my own list of 7 Persuasions Of Awesomeness. Here's the J.Mill version:

1) The Mrs. says: Bedeck to Impress.

J.Mill says: Dress to the 9's, yes. Dare to upstage. Think: "Can I get away with wearing jeans?" But then add a blazer. Avoid wearing panty hose unless it's cold. Panty hose will cut-you-in-half. I have the oddly mishapen waistline to prove it.

2) The Mrs. says: Begin with High Stakes in Mind.

J.Mill says: Under promise, over deliver. If you set the bar low, then people will appreciate your follow-through. Get a pat on the back just for waking up in the morning whenever possible.

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"Hiiii-ya!" She gets a pat (or did that sound like a chop) on the back for waking up, fo sho.

3) The Mrs. says: Put Leisure First

J.Mill says: Can't argue there. Just make sure you define leisure in your own specially-tailored way. I, for instance, find shopping to be stressful, not leisurely. I'm more of a stare-out-the-window type of relaxer. Speaking of relaxers, muscle-putty-pills work for leisure-inducing too! Or at least they make shopping tollerable. You may walk out of a downtown Chi-town Target with nothing on your list, but at least you walk out of Target (as opposed to running, screaming out of Target).

4) The Mrs. says: Think Chin-chin. (cocktails)

J.Mill says: Can't argue with this one either. But to deviate from the Mrs., I suggest that you go more daring with your drink dates. Don't drink with friends. Drink with a bartender. Drink with Facebook. Drink with a good book. Drinking alone, once considered sad, now (or maybe not yet) is considered brave! One mojito down and I was de-friending half of my facebook friends. I didn't even KNOW these people. Try it. Purge your FB, your closet, your fridge with a glass of Malbec in hand and see how productive you are!

via awesome

5) The Mrs. says: Accessorize with Abandon

J.Mill says: Take only one piece of advice from Suzie Orman and only wear like 3 pieces of jewelry over and over again. Invest in some dime-store plastic pearls and wear them 'til the cows come home and crush'em. (If your cows are crushing your pearls, learn your lesson and pick your pearls up off of the floor/barn.)

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6) The Mrs. says: Make Marveling Merry (rando acts of kindness)

J.Mill says: I just try not to scowl at the people who play their music too loudly through headphones. Random acts of kindness might be out of reach for me. (J/K... I do nice things)

(That's not me, btw. That's a random child. Get it. Random?)
7) The Mrs. says: Capitalize on Conviviality

J.Mill says: I don't believe conviviality is a word. Woopsie daisy. It is. It means to have a good ol' time with folks. I suppose I can stand behind that. That, or invite people over and then hide in the bathroom with a 6 pack and some kebobs.

Nom nom.



Untagged photos are via pinterest.com

Hand-Out or Cold-Heart?: Thoughts on the Homeless

(Disclaimer: This post is lengthy and contains emotional material. Read on with a tissue, B.Lill, or you can just skip this one for now.)

Spending some time outside today, I dodged the rain by walking around a drug store. Just like Dane Cooks says, being at "The Wall" (Walgreens) or in my case, CVS, makes you want to steal stuff. Being honest, I paid for my knock-off Swedish fish and was on my merry way to peruse the rest of a train station, hiding from the rain. Leaving the station to return to work, headphones in, I was targeted by a young guy with a backpack and no umbrella.

"Ma'am, can I trouble you for a dollar? I'm trying to get on a tr..."

Ma'am. Pft. I handed him a little red fish that I was about to stick in my mouth, smiled, and turn to go without speaking. He looked bewildered, smiled back and then remembered his game.

"So, no then?"

This little scene I lived today reminded me of a conversation I've had with 2 separate groups of woman I value.

So what do you do when someone asks you for money on the street? How to do you deal (listen to me, "deal") with the homeless?

Both groups concluded that one should generally have something to give them - a meal, a snack, a dollar if they really look like they need it. I've heard of the great idea to carry around little "hobo packs" wherever you go so that you can provide someone who's saying they are down-and-out with a granola bar, transit card, chapstick, toothbrush, and even money. Great ideas, but somehow, we don't use them. Call it impracticality. Call it expensive. Call it lazy.

The most recent of these groups of women was a book club I am in. We read the book Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand about WWII and some of its most notable POWs. Harrowing stories of abuse and accounts of inhumane conditions were accounted in this book. Enough to tug on the coldest of hearts. One woman posed the question:

Would the way you approach a homeless person change if you knew he was a war Vet?

She went on to say that this book changed the way she thought of them. That we often ignore the homeless asking for money because they will most likely use it for booze or drugs. She said that she can't blame a vet for wanted to get a bit wasted after living through anything like what those POWs had. She said she'd adopted a homeless person near her work and gave him what she could when she saw him.

This insightful friend of ours, Liz, was sideswiped with a swell in an underlying heart condition and is spending the short time she has left here on earth in a hospital being watched over by family and prayed for by many friends.

Over a week ago, when we all first heard the news, one hopeful friend found Liz's homeless guy (possessive in the loveliest way possible) and gave him some cash. No questions asked. Because that's what Liz would have done.

God doesn't call us to ask "Why?", He just asks us to give. Period.

You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.”And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. As the Scriptures say,

“They share freely and give generously to the poor.

Their good deeds will be remembered forever.”

[2 Corinthians 9:7-9]

Liz, you and your good deeds will be remembered forever.

Advice: Don't Photograph Creepy Things with Pretty Things

Design Sponge does a series where they tour people's homes and then ask them to fill in the blank on: "What I love most about my home is _____".

Well, dears, what I love most about my home is that I don't have this sitting on my bed when I come home:

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Ah! I think it can see into my soul...

Husband has cats, but at least they aren't Uri Geller here (bending my mind's spoon and then jamming it into my mind's eye... bah! I just got the willies thinking about that...).

Note: Googling our friend Uri (the man, not the cat), one of the main pics to come up was this one. Of course. Oh of-gosh-darn-course they were friends.

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Happy Monday and irrelevant blogging to 'ya. That's really the advice for Monday - try and goof off to make it go faster.

Retail Etiquette Repost

Read this blog post on retail etiquette by a fellow Chicagoan.
I'm a sucker for etiquette of all kinds. It helps me manage my expectations and makes human interaction more bearable for me and those I meet. Like, I didn't know that it was frustrating for people to shop with headphones in. I generally leave mine in because the techno beats of most stores make me feel paniked and vulnerable and I like to use my  headphones to ward off sales people like a garlic necklace wards off vampires.

You could say I'm not a people person. I like to say I'm introverted.

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 Thanks for the etiquette pointers, Sunday Morning Sugar.

Now let's all go shopping and make eye contact with the salespeople instead of scurrying behind a clothing rack like an abused stray dog. Not that I ever do that.

Web-iquette - You Shut Your Mouth When You're Talkin' To Me

I read this disturbing article on NPR today about how over sharing on the web can be not only repulsive but also get you into some trouble. [Warning, the article has some disturbing content.]

Now, I haven't had the misfortune to deal with any racy facebook updates or revolting tweets (I rarely twitter (tweet?)... and I can't believe "twitter"/"tweet" is a verb...), but I have found a TON of people on FB that I'd like to defriend just because I find their post content and volume annoying.

For instance, one pseudo-friend/ex-boyfriend-of-a-friend made his status this weekend:

"Am I worthy of love?"

Mancard = revoked!

The second I get on a real computer's FB (and not my phone's version), I'm defriending.

Worthless brain dribble also makes me want to defriend you, a la:

"I got up at 3 am today and then couldn't sleep and now I'm at work. Only 5 more hours until I can go hooooome."

Harmless information, but also useless information. Just because you can say it, doesn't mean you should. And really, why so many vowels?

And my most favorite of things to defriend someone for - negative, defeatist, accusatory remarks to no one specific. Seriously, grow some balls and deal with your issues. Or see a psych. Or just don't put it on Facebook. It makes you look trivial and petty. Examples:

"I guess I should stop trying to be a good friend."

"I wish I wasn't the only person in my family that was trying so hard to be a good person."

And the cherry on the sundae after all of that noise is:

"I'm so sick of the drama."

Of course, the drama would stop if the FB poster would stop posting their dumb whiny posty posts and just sever ties with the terrorizing individual and grow up.

So remember you aren't invisible or invincible on social media. And as always, "You shut your mouth when you're talking to me."

Sick! Advice for What to Say to a Sick Person

Saw this article from the New York Times on A Cup of Jo and thought it had some excellent points on what to say and what not to say to a sick person.

Highlight: "I SHOULD BE GOING NOW. You’ll never go wrong by uttering these five words while visiting someone who’s sick. As Ms. Pogrebin observes of such visits, don’t overstay your welcome. She recommends 20 minutes, even less if the patient is tired or in pain. And while you’re there, wash a few dishes or tidy up the room. And take out the trash when you leave."



My personal favorite thing to say in an awkward/sick/death situation is acted out in this scene from Steel Magnolias via youtube.com. Geepers I love this movie and all of the crazy southern characters! Seriously, if you have not seen this movie, you need to borrow my copy.

My Take on Bad Wedding Etiquette Comebacks

So Theknot.com just emailed me a list of ways to deflect or answer weird comments and statements made about your wedding.

Here are their answers and mine, respectively.

"Are you sure you're ready?"
Quick comeback (via theknot.com): Exude confidence and leave no room for anyone to debate if you or your fiance is in any way unprepared for what you're getting into: "Absolutely! We are completely in love and ready to be together forever."

Quicker comeback: Well, if we aren't and I end up bailing, here's my number. Call me ;)


"The marriage won't last."
Quick comeback: It's easy to get seriously offended by this one, but take the high road and try cheesy humor. Ask if their favorite precious stone is "jaded" or whether they hit any traffic on the Pessimist Expressway that morning.

Quicker comeback: I'm still not giving back the blender.


"Your engagement is too long."
Quick comeback: You have a few acceptable options: Explain that the best wedding vendors are booked more than a year in advance, that you're extending the engagement to save more money, or that you have something you want to accomplish (finish your degree, settle into a new job) before you make your marriage official.

Quicker comeback: Can we have the wedding at your house in 3 weeks then?


"Your engagement is too short."
Quick comeback: Reassure them that though your engagement is brief, you set the wedding planning wheels in motion well before he popped the question. Be calm -- if you seem too swept up in the excitement of the proposal, it supports the idea that you're rushing things.

Quicker comeback: The end of the world got moved from May 21st to July 4th. We want to go out with a bang as a married couple.


"Is that really the ring you wanted?"
Quick comeback: It's every newly engaged woman's right to show off her rock, but if you get negative vibes from someone, draw focus away from the ring with a simple reply like, "We're both really happy and excited."

Quicker comeback: You're a selfish a**hole, aren't you?

"This bridesmaid dress is ugly."
Quick comeback: Find out why she doesn't like it and try to locate some middle ground. Suggest that she stick with the dress color but then let her choose her own silhouette.

Quicker comeback: (If coming from a non-bridesmaid)- You have bad taste. (If coming from the 'maid herself)- You're just fat.

More to come later. TheKnot's post was 13 points long and I want to leave you hanging!