Proper Attire Required

Last night I took a Black Car (via Uber!) for the first time. I was headed downtown to The Aviary to have some posh drinks with people I didn't know, crashing a party I had no business attending.

The cabbie driver remarked civily when a cabbie cut him off and I said:

"Between the cab drivers and NPR being on their pledge drive, I bet you aren't having much fun."

He laughed. I laughed. We arrived. He opened the door. I got out looking confidently confused in black tights and high-waist-ed shorts (What character was I playing? Maybe a chic hipster who wears the same designer shorts year round and only adds/removes layers.) I joined an already cramped, already drunk group around an array of special drinks with special equipment to boot.

I got The Luau which is ginny-liquor over frozen dippin-dots made from green tea.

And the Ford's Model Tea which is a booze medley served in a tea cup next to a clear glass pot of bergamot on dry ice. The pot being "not for drinking, just for aromatics."

They took the pot of dry ice away from our boisterous table (as well as a tall North American reed from another person's drink), others took the check, I took a seat in another black car and arrived home to a very normal, yellow-cab-n-cubed-ice life feeling very silly in my black shorts... and very fun!

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Stephen Fry Hates Florida, Q & A

I saw this quiz on a girl's blog. Since this is "Answer The Unasked" I'm going to answer questions that weren't asked of me.

The blogger of origin is an entertaining writer but we have 0% in common:

She's single and always minglin'; I am married and always looking for ways to do less socially.
She's lite beer and fireball shots; I'm craft beer and go to bed before 10 (fireball shots must happen after 10, because I don't see them).
She's from Florida; I'm a yankee who thinks Florida is a swamp-dungeon-o-trailer-doom.

Recognize this awesome dude from Top Gear? He toured America and speaks my mind, people! The whole series is on Netflix! Go watch instead of reading this boring post!

So some of these either/or questions will be lost on me.  Let's see how out of touch I am!


iPhone or Droid: I have an iPhone but am intrigued by the Windows phone. My Mr. is super techy and thinks the iPhone is on it's way out. I think he may be right. But I'm legally required to stand beside him in his defection.

NSYNC or Backstreet Boys: Man, lady, guitar, bass, cello... triangle. That's music. A bunch of boys with headsets and no instruments? That's - at best - a talent show.

Being forced to delete Facebook or being forced to delete Twitter: Facebook. If my Grandmother wasn't on FB and I needed it for work, it'd be gone. I could live without both, however.

Fireball or Miller Lite: Nothing lower on the menu than a Red Stripe. It's like a right of passage. Call me pretentious, but I think you grow up, get a 401k, upwardlly change jobs a few times and write off domestic beer that indicates calorie/color/body with the letter L-I-T-E. Bing, bang, boom.

Full House or Family Matters: Family Matters. Its the least of the two evils as I can't handle looking at Danny Tanner now that I've seen his stand-up and if I hear "how rude" one more time...

Dumbledore or Gandalf: Dumbledore 1.0., because Richard Harris is the sh!t.

Dying Easter eggs or Carving pumpkins: I did both of these handicraps a few years ago for the last time. I'm an all-season Grinch when it comes to crafting. I'll gladly drink spiked cider at your fall carving party or a mimosa at your egg party and fumble my way through poking holes in everything. Because, tis the season.

NFL or NCAAF: NPR*

A hangover forever or sobriety forever: The latter. I actually think about this all the time.

January or July: July, because I live Canada-adjacent and January is just the beginning of seasonal depression and 'the-city-doesn't-have-enough-money-in-the-budget-to-properly-plow-the-roads-so-go-get-yourself-some-four-wheel-drive, Chicago'!

Hannah Montana or Miley Cyrus: I can't hear you through this foam finger.

Shark Week or Fashion Week: Both. Yay! Something I don't hate! Although I don't follow either of them, so maybe that's why I like them.

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air or Saved by the Bell: Fresh Prince. Geeze. Maybe my choice of 90's TV shows is indicative of me listening to too much NPR.**

Britney or Christina: Christina. I think she got her life back on track quicker and that shows maturity. I also thought she was way more talented. But no, I'd never buy either of their music.

Burrito or Burrito Bowl: Bowl. Cause forks are for people who care about the shirt they're wearing.

Reading blogs on your phone or reading blogs on your computer:  Computer.

Angelina or Jennifer: Team Everyone Get a Grip On Their Own Lives And Butt Out Already.

Doug Funny or The Rugrats: Thank God I didn't have cable growing up.

An open mouth chewer or a heavy breather: I've been told I'm the latter, so I chose that. I've tried to will people to chew with their mouths closed before by staring at them without blinking. It just makes it worse because they start talking with their mouths full to ask me why I'm staring.


Now you!

--
*I'm an asshole. I see this now.
** Have you heard of their program called Code Switch? It's all about race in America. Maybe my White Guilt is picking the programming.

Gift Guide: Stocking Stuffers

Well under $25 so you can get a lot of things to stuff in that sock-ing.

First you need a stocking:

Source: etsy.com via J on Pinterest

Stuff it with this:

Source: sephora.com via J on Pinterest

S

and these:

Source: bethproudfoot.blogspot.com via Jane on Pinterest

and for even warmer hands on the go, these:

Source: starbucks.com via Kim on Pinterest

Of course there's a sasquatch:

Source: stitchedcards.com via Jeni on Pinterest

and some survival items:

Source: larabar.com via J on Pinterest

DIY something like this:

Source: elleandblair.com via Debbie on Pinterest

and class it all up with this:

Source: anthropologie.com via J on Pinterest

and put one of these in the end... as a snack or a street weapon!

Source: harryanddavid.com via J on Pinterest

Happy Merry, Peeps. What do you want for the holidays?

Mo Money Mo Power Mo Pie

If money is power and time is money wouldn't you think the unemployed would hold a LOT of the power?

Wrong.

Money IS power. However fortunate or unfortunate that is.

Think about how you spend your money. (Or see my pie charts here.) But seriously, think about how you spend.

The money you spend votes more than any marks you make in a ballot box.

Like Gavin Degraw's new song? Buy it instead of pirating it.

Think Kanye is an ignorant racist? Pirate instead of buy. (I wouldn't really encourage pirating... or would I?)

Think Southwest is a fair airline? Fly with them instead of giving your business to United leave-you-for-dead-in-a-foreign-country Airlines even if UA gives you points on your credit card.

Think kids in 3rd World Countries shouldn't be put to work at age 5 to making your clothes to support their families? Do like my friends at Retell Retail do and buy used, local, fair trade, organic and/or conflict free.

Think a politician is out of line? Don't feed into their sensation by not watching their debates.

Think before you buy and make every dollar count. Policy isn't made because some big wigs in Washington had their tin-man hearts removed. It's made because we ask for it. We vote for it. We want our cake and we want to eat it too. Educate yourself and make informed decisions. Nothing in this world is free; always look for the total cost of your decision.

Drink pairings? Whatever goes with humble pie. Or a candy-tini made with frangelico, buttershots, amaretto, captain morgan, root beer smirnoff (100 proof - get it), homemade whipped cream from the shaker to top and a butterscotch sucker to garnish. Trust me, you only need one.

This one isn't mine, but mine looked sorta like this. Via Pinterest.com.

Flip-It Friday: I'll show you mine...

Will you show me yours?

Apartment, house, duplex, cardboard box...

Here are a few photos of our apartment before we moved in. Somehow I always have pictures of the "befores" and not a lot of the "afters" when it comes to moving in.

(The above are all of the master bath. It was truely a selling (renting?) point for us when we saw it. Steam shower, jacuzzi tub, double sink and HUGE mirror? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Here's the main room empty. I have no wide-angle lens on my iPhone; the room is just that spacious.)

Except for this "after". This is after we got all of our stuff inside but not put away. Geeze Louise, that was a stressful weekend.

The "After-afters" [read: decorated and orderly] are coming soon!

So tell me, what does your place look like? Can you see where we went wrong with moving? Send me a link to your own house tour video or pictures! Or leave a comment describing the features you love in your home.

Beverage pairing with this post? We got a housewarming gift of champagne... or we could pair this with a PBR because that's what we drank at the local hole-in-the-wall/hipster-joint, Maria's, after we couldn't stand to look at this mess anymore! They have what they call "sh*tty beer of the day" and it's only $2 or something like that. It's a grab-bag o' beer, but it's cheap!

Flip-It Friday: The Parental Doppelganger

Doppelgangers (according to Wiki) are like evil twins. I think my generation has taken doppelganger to mean just a double or a lookalike in general. So on the understanding of the latter, I give you my parent's doppelgangers:

My mom is Ms. Frizzle.
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She's smart and funny and patient with a carload of kids. She's edgy and comfortable in her own skin and looks damn good in an A-line dress with wacky prints. Not to mention my own mom has the red curly hair. One of my friends growing up dubbed her Ms. Frizzle and it just stuck - endearingly of course!

My dad is Ron Swanson.
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He's quiet and stoic and silly-with-a-straight-face. Ok, my dad make crack at his own jokes, but he's R. Swanson to a T when it comes to hunting, fishing, being alone, firm handshakes, working for the people of Indiana but trying to avoid the people of Indiana. He loves meat with a side of meat and orders "all the bacon and eggs you have" at the local diner. Not "a lot of bacon and eggs" but "ALL of the bacon and eggs you have".

The pyramid is worth a look-see. Find it here if you can't see it on my blog.

Another friend mentioned how my dad was like Ron Swanson moment and it was a "Eureka!" moment. Funny how other people show you things about your own family. Outsider's perspective, I guess.

Giving you this picture of my parents, one might be able to see how I got my desire to be alone, my devil-may-care fashion sense and my red, frizzy hair. I may not love steak like Ron does, but I do enjoy buffets. And I may not have have the patience of Ms. Frizzle, but I do have her imagination!

SO: How are you like your parents? Who would be their doppelganger? Do you have any dead-ringer, celebrity lookalikes in your family?

Beverage pairing for this post? Ms. Frizzle would probably have a juice box (or a wine cooler after the kids get off her damn bus). And Ron would probably have a domestic beer or scotch or, if he were my dad, an O'Douls.

An Andy Apple A Day

Well well, it's Thursday and no one's heard from me since last week. I'd like to blame Andy Rooney for signing off and leaving 60 Minutes to become the most boring and unnecessarily sensationalized programming on TV (Oprah, should she still be on, would be a good contender).

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Boy, can that man tell it like it is. And aren't we all sad to see him go? We're pretty selfish and possessive of our 92 year old friend here.

Or maybe it's because I've been trying to find a gym all week. It's getting cooler out and, let's be honest, I don't run outside anymore anyway. I need some options to stay fit and a gym can give me a track, a treadmill, an elliptical AND tons of eyes watching me, judging me, spurring me forward to exhaustion.

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Or maybe I could blame is on the passing of Steve Jobs. But that's too recent and, again, being honest, I didn't even know the guy. Steve-o, you gave us Apple, I will have this apple in your memory. I took it with your iPhone and it came out sideways. I'm not sorry. I hope you like it.

All of the above is true (Especially the apple. You will be mine by lunchtime, apple.), but mainly it's because this work week has mowed me over. I might be fighting a sinus cold or something too. Going to bed at 9 PM all hopped up on nyquil/benedryl/vaselined-up-nostrils makes for a glass-eyed-blog-free adult.

No advice here today except, maybe, that vaseline is the best invention (note to self: do post on the many uses of petroleum jelly) and that green apples are good with any kind of cheese (cheddar, brie, gouda, boursin...) and that even running just a mile (I say "just" but it is kinda a struggle for me) can make you feel better about all the cheese you eat with your green apple before going to bed on a stomach full of cheese and apple acid.

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Beverage pairings for this post: Wine for the cheese, tea for the cold and yucky K-cup coffee from work because I broke my french press this past weekend :(

Tipsy Tuesday: Are You the Sand or the Pearl?

This morning on my CTA commute in to The Loop and back out the other side, I sat next to a woman who shook my world at 7:30 AM.

She said, "Good morning", after I made her move so I could sit down.

To be brutally honest (and brutal only to myself for even thinking the way I do), I often hold my conversational breath and try not to stare when riding this certain train. It brings people from the deep south side of Chicago into the city and runs through The Loop to service some of Chicago's worst neighborhoods on its way to a nearby suburb. (Don't worry, Mom, I get off the train before it hits the bad 'hoods.)

This part of my commute is rarely quiet, full of single moms with too many babies and too few hands, men on cell phones yelling expletives too loudly for the morning hours (as if there's ever a good time to do that publicly), large women taking up 2 seats each and talking at (not to, but at) one another from across the train, and not to mention the headphones that ironically share unwelcomed music-for-one in the form of rap-crap and someone's basement acoustics.

So when this woman greeted me kindly and then went back to reading her book, I was startled and then wary that she might try to talk to me. I like my commutes like I like my sleep - cool, quiet and comfortable (and I'd add clean, but that's not a CTA priority... although I did see someone Cloroxing the turnstiles once!).

The woman went back to reading her book but then muttered in my direction 4 stops later, "Excuse me?" Good gravy, I thought. It starts.

"Do you know what this word means?" She pointed at the page and mispronounced it, stuttering.

A quick panic washed over me. This is every writer's/literary's test. Put your grammar, language and vocabulary skills to test in the real world! Oh glory be, I should get this right. I had to think about it, but was able to come up with the correct pronunciation and defintion quickly enough to appear credible. She said thank you and we shared a weird giggle (I think it was a giggle).

I strutted off of the train as she said, "Have a good day", to me. I squeaked out after a too-long pause, "Thanks, you too". Walking with pride all the way down to the street level, I fished for my phone among the beverage fixings in my purse.

The beverages in my purse (not the water, but you get the idea).

Upon hitting pavement I Googled the word. Whew. I got it right. Mostly right. The women could probably deduce the tone of the word from the text she was reading to get the right connotation.

And then the guilt filled in where the relief subsided. I was so wonderfully proud of myself for getting an SAT word right on a real life test, that I forgot to return her verbal well-wishes for the day until an awkward beat later.

I may have puffed with pride at my book-knowledge, but where would that get me? How often will someone feed me a line about needing to know a word or a definition? And, by comparison, how far will that woman's kindness get her? I may have access to good jobs, have a great education, be a shameful iPhone user - having the world at my literal fingertips. But she, she has everything and then some because she's kind to strangers, doesn't see color or class and is humble enough to ask questions.

The world is her oyster and I'm the sand feeding into the pearl.

I Have a Beverage Problem

When my long-time friends and I reconvened in central Indiana this past weekend, I often found that wine-related humor was directed at me. I guess I deserve that. (Shout out to M, S, S and R!) I really do love beverages. I order two drinks at restaurants (usually one of them water) and have 2 thermoses and one tumbler at my desk right now.

It doesn't matter if its alcoholic or caffinated, I just like drinks. In fact, I made an awesome milkshake/smoothie (where's the difference there?) this past weekend involving a frozen banana and Nutella. I even got decaf at a S-bux this weekend just to have something to sip in the car. Nothing like a warm drink, a longer car ride and a phone call home.

Anyhoo. I found this blog and love its transparent consciousness (read: he's honest and random). Oh, and he's funny.

So here's what he says about beverage ettiquette when attending a social gathering. And in honor of my book club meeting this week to discuss Unbroken, I vow to abide by the last point on the "Do's" list. Although I doubt we'll be borning :)

Photo and funnies via.

Book photo via.

Tipsy Tuesday: Whip It Good in the FP

My dear friend (and recently married woman), Chelsey asked me about the ways I use my food processor. She and her husband were rounding out their registry and Mr. Chelsey thought that an FP was unnecessary... pft!

Poor Chels was using an old blender (or was it an old FP) that didn't have a lid (messy) and smoked when she ran it too long (unsafe, smelly).

(swirly dreamlike holographic kaleidoscopic whatsits wisk you away to the land of FP.)

Something like this:

via

Welcome to Food Processor Land. Where everything is possible as long as it fits into a 13 cup basin.

First possibility: Hummus. Chelsey has made this in an FP before, so maybe she'll comment and give us her recipe

My favorite food processor product? Pesto!

I've made pea pesto, Mulit-herb pesto, regular basil pesto and other veggie sauces in mine. All of them are fantastic when mixed into some carbs. Mmmm nap.

Here's my favorite pesto's ingredients (the pea kind)in order of quantity:

Pea Pesto:
Peas
Basil (dried can work here because its not the main ingredient)
Parmesan
Olive Oil (a good one... you wont be cooking it so the flavors must be top)
Nuts of any kind (traditional pesto uses pine nuts, but I've used walnuts before)
Freshly cracked pepper (and some red pepper flake if you're feeling spicy.)
Salt

Dump all into a processor (minus the oil) and start to pulse/blend. Add the oil through the spout at the top in a thin stream. One mistake of pesto-making is adding the oil at the start - the basil and peas have moisture too and can get the sauce going on their own. You add too much oil at the beginning and you end up making your pasta too heavy. Pour in enough oil to just combine the sauce, but not make it runny. Put the sauce over hot pasta and mix. If it's too sticky, add some of the cook water from the pasta to thin. Refrain from adding more oil. (Did I stress that enough?)

Here's a portion of some pea pesto with roasted cherry tomatos and seared scallops.

Via my Pinterest.

FP's can give you drinks too - but be wary of the liquid. Blenders may make a better bet for drinks because their basins are tall and slender and more likely to contain your juices.

But.

I made a smoothie in my FP and it worked out fine.

Smoothie:
Blueberries
Frozen Strawberries
Orange juice

Dump, whirl, pour and sip.

And if you must abide by the rules of Tipsy Tuesday, I'm sure this smoothie would be great with some vodka, rum or even some champagne (frozen champagne drink... it could work, right?).

Flip-It Friday: May I Get You Something to Drink?

Since switching from Ten Tips Tuesday to Tipsy Tuesday, I've wondered more about beverages. Whether you enjoy a cocktail or a mocktail, I'm sure every one of my readers has a go-to drink. Something you make for friends? Something that you look forward to after a long day? Something that perks you up in the morning? A traditional bev around the holidays?

Surprisingly, I grew up in a household that wasn't interested in alcohol for the majority of my upbringing. My dad doesn't drink and my mom has a glass of wine or beer occassionally. We had "kids wine" (read: sparkling grape juice) on Thanksgiving and New Years.

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I guess they kept the stuff out of the house for good reason, because all of their kids have grown up to enjoy a variety of cocktails (in moderation, of course!... unless we've had "bad Mexican" food, and then we cannot be held accountable for our digestive revolt!).

You've seen my staples in this blog: french press black coffee, red wine, and the mojito.

I love to serve a beverage when someone comes into my house - even if it's just a glass of water - for many reasons:

- It's a conversation piece (Oh, this cocktail with maple syrup is delicious... haha)
- It's an icebreaker (sometimes literally)
- It's a show of hospitality
- It gives you something to do while in the kitchen (because somehow, we always end up in the kitchen, right?)
- I like holding a glass in my hands as a "prop", especially when I'm in a new place
- I'm generally parched. Ask S. I leave glasses around the house like Gretel left breadcrumbs. It's a bit like the movie Signs.

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So I ask, what's your go-to for guests?
What do you have every day?
What do you keep stocked in your bar or fridge?