via Pinterest
The sophomore follow up to the bridal magazine and site "The Knot" is called "The Nest". Then comes baby in a baby carriage with "The Bump". The assailant du jour is "The Knot". My commentary is in red.
Exhibit A:
9* Signs You Shouldn't Have Kids
1. You’re an awful aunt.
You know the names of every band member in The Killers and can recite the Vogue masthead in your sleep. However, your niece is 7 and her name is Emily—and you insist on calling her Emma—and sincerely think that’s her name. She decided to just go along with it. Red flag.
If you knew that you were calling her the wrong name, wouldn't you stop? How does one have the self awareness to know when they "sincerely" call their niece the wrong name?
2. You’re completely broke.
You and your husband are 7K in credit card debt (thanks to your shoe addiction and his “necessary” 60-inch flat screen for the coveted man cave). Not to mention, you just borrowed some 911 money from your dad to make this month’s mortgage payment. Baby equals diapers, daycare and basically a good $250,000 in expenses by the time your kid turns 18 and you send him off to college. Check yourself, before you wreck yourself.
I've heard that if you wait until you have enough money to have children, you'll never had them. BUT if you have $7k of shoe-debt you need to stop even thinking about having a family and cut up your credit cards. And sell those shoes. And seek counseling.
2. You’re completely broke.
You and your husband are 7K in credit card debt (thanks to your shoe addiction and his “necessary” 60-inch flat screen for the coveted man cave). Not to mention, you just borrowed some 911 money from your dad to make this month’s mortgage payment. Baby equals diapers, daycare and basically a good $250,000 in expenses by the time your kid turns 18 and you send him off to college. Check yourself, before you wreck yourself.
I've heard that if you wait until you have enough money to have children, you'll never had them. BUT if you have $7k of shoe-debt you need to stop even thinking about having a family and cut up your credit cards. And sell those shoes. And seek counseling.
3. You’re a jet-setter.
Your friends call you a bird because you and your man love to fly away on a whim and have the means to do it! I’ll let you in on a little secret: A spontaneous trip to Miami for a long-weekend is out of the question once your baby arrives. It’s more like a spontaneous trip to the 24-hour drug store because you ran out of diapers and nipple cream. Again.
Are you broke (see item 2) AND a jet-setter?
4. You flush fish…a lot.
You can’t remember to feed your Beta fish a measly flake every other day. You’re on your seventh Beta Fish. Enough said.
4. You flush fish…a lot.
You can’t remember to feed your Beta fish a measly flake every other day. You’re on your seventh Beta Fish. Enough said.
Betas ≠ Babies.
5. You’re super-squeamish.
Remember that recent GNO when your “fun, single friend” drank a little too much and puked and you started gagging and abandoned your hair-holding duties? Babies spit-up a lot. In fact, there are a lot of bodily fluids involved in raising a child. Might wanna try potty-training a puppy first.
6. You’re the worst babysitter. Ever.
Your girlfriend asked you to baby-sit her charming preschooler. You came home with Play-Doh in your hair, glitter down your bra and a first-degree burn when you went to drain the noodles for the “easy” mac ‘n cheese. You called in to work the next day to recoup.
Sticky hair, glitter on your chest, slight burns. My first reaction is "that sounds normal". My second reaction is "doesn't sound like babysitting".
7. You love to sleep.
Nothing pleases you more than cuddling up with your husband on a Friday night and watching a movie after a long workweek. You’re both asleep before midnight and rise around 10 a.m. to make espresso and lounge around. Newborns wake up every two-hours. And take it from me: five-year-olds think starting the day at 5:30 AM is normal … on a Sunday.
Same can be achieved with a dog.
8. Your relationship is a mess.
Newborns put even the strongest marriages to the test—imagine what a colicky baby could do to your shaky relationship? From the sleep deprivation to the stress of major responsibility 24-7, trust me, parenthood is not a fix for your troubled marriage.
This is truth.
9. You’re a workaholic.
From a sudden bout of the stomach flu (he got it and now so do you) to the Mother’s Day breakfast at school, there will be times when work has to take a backseat to parenthood. Make sure that you’re ready to do that juggling act before you have no choice.
Also truth.
One they didn't mention? #10: You just don't want them.
5. You’re super-squeamish.
Remember that recent GNO when your “fun, single friend” drank a little too much and puked and you started gagging and abandoned your hair-holding duties? Babies spit-up a lot. In fact, there are a lot of bodily fluids involved in raising a child. Might wanna try potty-training a puppy first.
6. You’re the worst babysitter. Ever.
Your girlfriend asked you to baby-sit her charming preschooler. You came home with Play-Doh in your hair, glitter down your bra and a first-degree burn when you went to drain the noodles for the “easy” mac ‘n cheese. You called in to work the next day to recoup.
Sticky hair, glitter on your chest, slight burns. My first reaction is "that sounds normal". My second reaction is "doesn't sound like babysitting".
7. You love to sleep.
Nothing pleases you more than cuddling up with your husband on a Friday night and watching a movie after a long workweek. You’re both asleep before midnight and rise around 10 a.m. to make espresso and lounge around. Newborns wake up every two-hours. And take it from me: five-year-olds think starting the day at 5:30 AM is normal … on a Sunday.
Same can be achieved with a dog.
8. Your relationship is a mess.
Newborns put even the strongest marriages to the test—imagine what a colicky baby could do to your shaky relationship? From the sleep deprivation to the stress of major responsibility 24-7, trust me, parenthood is not a fix for your troubled marriage.
This is truth.
9. You’re a workaholic.
From a sudden bout of the stomach flu (he got it and now so do you) to the Mother’s Day breakfast at school, there will be times when work has to take a backseat to parenthood. Make sure that you’re ready to do that juggling act before you have no choice.
Also truth.
One they didn't mention? #10: You just don't want them.
*You think that starting a sentence with a numeral is OK? Maybe The Knot shouldn't have spawned The Nest.
