"Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own
alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isn’t on the floor. Men tip
generously. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty
bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. Men go in for
a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they’re thinking of
kissing you. Men wear clothes that have never been worn by anyone else before.
(Okay, maybe men aren't exactly like this. This is what I've cobbled together
from the handful of men I know or know of, ranging from Heathcliff Huxtable to
Theodore Roosevelt to my dad.) Men know what they want and they don’t let you
in on their inner monologue, and that is scary.
Because what I was used to was boys.
Boys are adorable. Boys trail off their sentences in an
appealing way. Boys bring a knapsack to work. Boys get haircuts from their
roommate, who “totally knows how to cut hair.” Boys can pack up their whole
life in a duffel bag and move to Brooklyn for a gig if they need to. Boys have “gigs”.
Boys are broke. And when they do have money, they spend it on a trip to
Colorado to see a music festival. Boys don’t know how to adjust their
conversation when they’re talking to their friends or to your parents. They put
parents on the same level as their peers and roll their eyes when your dad
makes a terrible pun. Boys let your parents pay for dinner when you all go out.
It’s assumed."
- Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns)?
