hrumpf.
Ok, well I was excited to share this post with you because it stemmed from a question from my friend B.Lill about when one crosses the line of financial infidelity and, alas, all of my good musings are awash and I am apissed.
Let me try to catch you up on the highlights:
Yes, financial infidelity is real and damaging. No, I don't believe I am financially unfaithful, especially according to this survey/article.
Mr. S and I both came into our marriage debt-free and money conscious. We save a ton of money (my entire salary!) to afford a nice down payment on a house in 2013, survive on one budget (no DINK problem here!) and bought our used car outright (heck no to car payments!).
Not us. Picture via.
Being financially stable is like a passion of ours. Here are some easy ways we avoid financial infidelity and stay on track with our goals:
Consider your expenses. It may benefit you to decide on a spending limit that you can be within and not have to share the deets of your purchase. Like, say, $200. Or say $50 (cause our bank, Chase, emails Mr. S if any purchase is over $50... oftentimes before I even sign the receipt...)
Mr. S and I are allotted the same amount each month to spend as we choose. An allowance, if you will. We can choose to spend less than our budget and roll that amount to the next month for bigger purchases or if we over-spend, we have to watch ourselves the following month as our debt to our group budget roles. I am lucky that we get equal amounts as I make half of what he makes. We think that although I bring in less money, my role in the relationship is just as important and therefore I shouldn't be restricted. Blah blah blah, I have it good.
We also keep all of our transactions public to one another by using the same checking account/credit card account and tracking it all with Mint.com [note to self: write another post about Mint.com and it's benefits/downfalls]. The only transactions we keep private would be ones on our personal cards. We each have a personal credit card that we use for buying each other gifts or for when we are buying things that are only for ourselves. We still report the cost of the credit card bill to Mint, but we keep the details of the purchases mum.
Now, some people cannot have a secret credit card. It may sound silly, but if the swipe of the credit card is too easy for you and you've been in the debt-doghouse before, consider limiting yourself to gift-buying with cash-only. If you are at a risk for financial infidelity by having a secret card, then don't get one. Cash is discrete but an ATM withdrawal is still immediately traceable. That way you only spend what you have and you wont ruin the joy of giving a gift by going into the poor house over it.
Some tricky situations arise when extra income comes through. Raises should be considered part of your joint income and should be applied to joint things - whether fun stuff like vacations or necessities like groceries or paying down debt. And yes, your debt is now a joint expense!
Bonuses and money made from side jobs (as long as the side job is not considered part of your necessary, monthly income) can be dealt with by the earner. Yes, you can keep all the money for yourself, but don't forget that while you were out fixing that old lady's computer for $40/hr, someone was at home doing your laundry, feeding your cats and making you brown bag lunches for the week! [Not that that's a real scenario...]
I have started to write this post 3 times now. If it's unclear on any point, please let me know. Also, if I missed something or you disagree, leave a comment below!
