(To the tune of Oh Christmas Tree)
O' Chicago Transit Authority
You pick me up and transport me
To work, the gym and back again
In theory you are a useful friend.
O' Chicago Transit Authority
Connecting me and my city.
On the Brown line I used to ride
Douchebags, Woo-girls by my side.
Weilding coffee, Kindles, pills
to cut the edge off last night's thrills.
The Brown line serves only trendy parts
but still smells like old booze and farts.
Sometimes on the Red I'd be
to play guitar or go shopping.
It stops at Cubs and White Sox fields
Ride during games? There's no appeal
Sticky, it sees the most vomit
I'll believe Rahm when they upgrade it
To the Orange line I moved
Where laborin' Mexicans were rarely rude
but school kids, Asians and Polish
are loud and rarely speak English.
It was the furthest south we've stayed
and now we're glad to go away.
Yellow...
[elevator music]
Nobody takes yellow.
The Pink line I don't often pick
cause riders are either docs or sick.
They wear their scrubs even though I've read
that they should change so germs don't spread.
Though passengers have smarts and wealth
I question their handle on public health.
The Purple line is just for 'burbs
and Northwestern wildcat nerds.
Some commute from Evanston
but forget post-work drinks and fun.
For if you miss the last train out,
you will sleep on someone's couch.
To get to work I take the Green
Take today for a typical scene.
A man enjoys a 12 piece, thighs
Wheezy ring tone, a baby cries
Nearly everyone's annoying me
my senses need a coronary.
Soon on the Blue we will commute
the most crowded silver bullet shoot
With doors that barely open still
and hipsters with ironic smells
I think we can exchange fair cards
for tat's, piercings and PBRs.
O' Chicago Transit Authority
You pick me up and transport me
To work, the gym and back again
In theory you are a useful friend.
O' Chicago Transit Authority
Connecting me and my city.
---
*The racist, classist, sexist remarks in the poem are intended to be funny and light-hearted.
or
*The racist, classist, sexist remarks in the poem are not representative of the author's opinions and are intended for entertainment purposes only.
or
*This is not your blog.
