(echo: why can't we be friends?)
When a band called "War" is asking the question, isn't the answer obvious?
Maybe not.
A recent, highly scientific, poll from my friends proves that the answer is: because we broke up.
Please save yourself some time and heartache by not jumping right to friendship after a break up. Give time a chance to heal the wounds that even the most congenial relationships bear. Don't accept the phone calls (especially late at night). Don't meet for coffee just to "catch up". Don't FB stalk either. If it's hard to not click on their profile, block or delete them. Seem harsh? Do you want to learn the hard way?
For those that argue that you can be friends within the week after ending a relationship that has lasted months, I say "bull".
Any of the following may be true:
- You never really were in a relationship with them. (i.e. They never meant that much to you and vice versa.)
- You aren't really friends again with them. (i.e. You are putting on a brave face to save face.)
- You're a robot.
Let me clarify that by "friend" I do not mean that you can't care about them or wish the best for them. I just mean that you can't talk to them on a regular basis, share deep conversations and *the horror* swap date stories about new suitors - without feeling that tugging in your stomach.
Without time, a relationship that seamlessly moves toward a friendship just ends up hurting someone. Whether you are the one who pulled away from the relationship or not, do yourself and your ex a favor and cut off communication. It is only selfish to continue to act as if nothing happened. You're depriving them of their time of healing. If you ever loved or respected your ex at all, let them go.
* Special thanks to the ladies on my scientific research panel who made this post possible :)
** I am marrying a once-ex-then-friend-then-lovah in June. He knew better than I and kept pursuing me after years of me following my own advice from above. If it's meant to be, it will be and you should at least let your healing take place. I'll say that our relationship is stronger for all the time we spent healing and learning on our own.
