This question comes to us via my long time friend, Sarah.
Sarah asked me how to break out of a rut and said that I cannot answer "just change."
Hmm.
Well, I can answer this from second hand experience. I once dated a guy who said he was such a bad boyfriend because we dated while he was in a "rut". He, of course, only admitted to this after we broke up. He could sublimate his bad behaviors on a variety of other things while we were together and he had a shred of confidence in his actions.
Breaking up with him allowed him to hit the rock bottom part of his self-worth. His cup was no longer just half empty, it was dry. Hopelessness lead him to get drunk and call me in the middle of the night, then cry himself to sleep for a few weeks. Cheery, right?
Eventually, though, the calls tapered until they stopped altogether. He found something to live for in his dog, fixing his car, prank calling the neighbors - who knows! Separated from all false and dysfunctional hope (our relationship) he was able to search for a more effective hope (dog, car, being a personal nuisance to someone else).
My advice? CUT THE SAFETY CORD.
Hit rock bottom. Reach to the lowest of the low in your circumstance. Imagine the worst and stew on it until you scream in terror! Maybe even drink a little. What? No!
Then, after the dust of drastic measures settles, meditate. If you're like me, you pray. Spiritually and mentally sit on your new low. Let the powers that be know how you feel. Then pick yourself up and take a good look at your routines.
Routines are the 'rou't (giggle) of all ruts. Eat a different breakfast every morning for a month. Stay up all night without the TV on. Get a library card and use it.
I believe that there is a plan for all of us and that plan is interwoven to the plan for our communities. Sometimes we are dealt an unfair hand. Sometimes our destinies take over and despite our efforts, we find ourselves in the same situations. However, I do believe in free will within our destinies. I believe we are given choices and, especially as Americans, options. And even if our freedoms are limited, we can choose our attitude. And sometimes, attitude makes all the difference.
I'll close with a quote stolen from the email signature of a man I find admirable and genuine:
"start by doing what is necessary, then do what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
St. Francis of Assisi
That's the long answer. The short answer, which I'm not allowed to say, starts with a "C".
