The early part of my marriage was rocky.
Shoot, I've only been married a few days over a year, so I mean to say that the early, EARLY part was a bit rocky. We had some adjustment issues. I'm sure that's normal and if it's not, I hope it's comforting to the few of you out there who do have adjustment periods that need validation and fleshing out. You are not alone!
So while the beginning was rocky, I thought of the worst case scenario. You might think this is masochistic, but it's a really calming anxiety-relief technique. You ask yourself, "So what if the most horrible thing happens, so what?" And it helps you get some perspective.
So I was asking myself, "So what if marriage is ugly and lonely and *gasp* not a fairy tale." I didn't think I was living an illusion, but I suppose I was.
I answered myself with, "I supposed I'll need a hobby to pour myself into if this marriage thing is not fulfilling."
Some of you are shocked or appalled. I get it. It's not what you hear all the time. But again, I would love to be able to relate to just one person and help them out, so alas, I am honest.
So I told myself that if marriage was never going to "click" and we weren't going to have a fairy tale, I'd better get something in my life that gives me purpose and fulfillment. We aren't planning on having kids (at least not anytime soon), I am growing in my job but it's not a 24/7 distraction, and I have some hobbies (bloggin!) but they also don't take up my entire life.
I started brainstorming how I could fill my life. Reading, clubs, book clubs (all sound like the same thing, but arent!), new friends, adventurous cooking, starting that novel only to put it in a drawer and have someone make a fortune off of it after I die... etc.
So I want to ask you to be frank with me (Hi, Frank. Nice to meet you... haha... oh me!). Do you have "ways you spend your life" or a plan of how to "fill your life" if your job/spouse/kids/etc do not? What if you're not married but want to be? What if you are in a job that is furthest from your dream? What dangling carrot do you have in your sights? Are you employing a fill-my-life mechanism right now?
(Sidenote: My marriage is much more fulfilling now. We grew tremendously in the beginning and earn every one of our stretch marks through growing pains! It was an uncomfortable time, but we are glad and better for it. Mr. S is so understanding to let me air our past and present on this blog. He's so patient! I thank him for that.)
