I'm blogging in bed after taking a melatonin and only sleeping 5 hours last night, so forgive grammatical mistakes, spelling errors, typos and thought-nonsense.
Let's get down to the sausage of it all, shall we.
I was counting down to exploding my blog. Lighting a match and walking away. No turning into a pillar of salt for me, no.
Sadly, I failed. (cause I'm back at it)
Basically some of the reasons that I wanted to quit blogging (and not just quit, explode and walk away - because I hate it when people take blog sebbaticals and then apologize for being away. Grow a set and delete the thing, already)...
See what I mean? Nonsensical thought (and no editing!). Where was I?
The reasons I both wanted to quit and will keep on blogging:
Family
Readers (not the glasses, you people ... Haha, you'd think you all took the melatonin. Are you sure you're safe driving home?)
I wanted to quit because I was losing pride in what I am doing here and was feeling admiration slip to judgement. I was worried about what everybody thought.
Lesson 1: stop worrying about what others think.
And I was sorta making the problems worse in my head by not asking if people were really offended.
Lesson 2: don't have a conversation with yourself that involves the perspective of someone you could/should talk to
And I was wondering what my focus was anymore. I care about my family, being funny (sidebar, an actor called me a comedian recently- I bet this means I can put it on my business cards now. I'm available for wedding speeches, birthdays and youth events provided your kids like profanity and high-brow reproductive jokes.)
Lesson 3: just because you have a tag for "blogging in bed" doesn't mean you need to do this. Writing on a phone is hard.
Anyway, I care about family, educating people on important issues and being funny. I wasn't sure my blog was any of those things. I was failing (at not only blogging, but life... I had another identity crisis recently. Just a mini one, but to give you a feel for it, it's like depression but heavy on the self-loathing).
So when I was feeling down and needed a "win" and couldn't even get the stuff I can control to work (ie, blogging), I wanted to give up on as much as possible so I could maybe only fight one battle at a time.
Lesson 4: don't be a quitter.
So after I got past the antisocial/fake-in-public stage of the self-loathing, i made the calls i needsd to to clear the air and seenif i was indeed being senselessly mean while hurting my family and accomplishing nothing.
Turns out everyone was cool.
Lesson 5: be who you are. Yes, listen to folks when they drop subtle (or harsh) criticism about you to see if it checks out. Test it. Get a second opinion (over margaritas or an English beer, like I did). Call people. Be honest with yourself and others. If you need to make a change in behavior, do so. But don't forget what makes you, you.
Well enough already. This post w's a bear to read, I know. No pics. Lots of typos. Rambling.
Thanks for hanging in there.
And no, the countdown wasnt for when I get a dog, but wouldn't that be cool?
