Where to begin?
In the past several weeks I've experienced HIGH levels of disappointment. These holidays have been particularly odd/sad and sometimes it's out of people's control.
But when it's NOT and people are disappointing, I have gotten furious. I can only give you one example because I can't guarantee I won't alienate people if I disclosed my other disappointments. Here goes.
There's a coworker who didn't have a place to go on Christmas, or so I thought. So I invited her and her boyfriend over for Christmas brunch and tried to make a party out of it. She and her boyfriend were the only committed guests, and I assumed that almost no one else would be able to make it on account of the day. I just wanted to do something nice and also have a reason to get festive on the actual day of Christmas. The Mr. and I have put up NO decorations, we didn't go crazy on gifts, our only sign of the season are the Christmas cards on our mantel* and the snow on the lawn.
I made two kinds of quiche, one vegetarian because she is, and some cinnamon rolls. We planned to open the bottle of champagne we got from our realtor when we bought the house. It was going to be a god damn celebration!
So when this girl texted me after she was over an hour late that she wasn't coming... I just... I just. (look at the cards, aren't they festive!)
And imagine this scenario 3x over.
That's how I feel. Disappointed. Angry. Let down. Not important. Like I am willing to walk over the center line to meet them at the 70/30, but they won't even go past the 10! And I'm not going to all these lengths because I like being over committed or someone's savior. I get wrapped up in what I think is a mutual understanding, but I get stuck holding the bill. ALL THE ADULTS IN THE ROOM, RAISE YOUR HANDS. YOU OWE ME 50% PLUS TAX AND TIP! Or worse, you owe me weeks of time that I can't get back for shouldering the burden for the both of us.
All of these disappointments have cost me time, money, energy and social interaction. We all know that social interaction is the priciest of currencies to me. I have a limited amount of socializing I can do before I crack.
And worst of all, when these people let me down, I have to let people I love down. When you commit to me, I make it known and set everyone's expectations of that commitment. The Mr. even started laying into these flaky folks and I had to stop him. It hurt me too much to hear him be disappointed too.
So to those I've disappointed this season, I don't think I'm passing the buck when I say, "it probably wasn't my fault."
And to those that have disappointed me this season, next time let's commit to not committing.
*Thanks to everyone who sent cards or other packages in the mail. Having those wonderful reminders to open these past few weeks are the only things that kept me from losing it.